Trump’s Claims to Have Tremendous New Trade Deal with Mexico

Trump’s Claims to Have Tremendous New Trade Deal with Mexico: After months of fractious negotiations, President Donald Trump announced that his administration has reached an understanding with Mexico on a tremendous new 16-year trade deal which will replace the current North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA). And while no has any real idea exactly what the hell’s in it, I do have to admit that it does sounds a lot like the greatest trade deal ever negotiated in the history of the world. My only questions are 1) does this mean the administration will be issuing another commemorative coin like they did for North Korea treaty and 2) does it include a check covering Mexico’s payment to build Trump’s wall and 3) how is this expected to impact the price of chalupas off the food truck in the parking lot outside my Target store?

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Scientists Link Air Pollution Exposure To Cognitive Decline: Researchers conducted math and verbal tests over the course of multiple years and found a strong link between air pollution exposure and cognitive decline. Well then, guess that pretty much explains all the frigg’n idiots behind the wheel on the freeways here in LA.

https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Russian Trolls Spreading Discord Over Vaccine Safety: A new investigation uncovered several accounts - now known to belong to the same Russian trolls who interfered in the last US election - tweeting false information against vaccines in an attempt to spread more discord throughout the US. Truthfully, I think the Russians are just a bit confused and don’t realize that medical science doesn’t consider downing multiple shots of Stolichnaya every day as a viable vaccine against disease.

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Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy: After numerous prophecies of his failed to materialize, resulting in various accusations of lies and fraud, self-described “prophet” and right-wing pastor Hank Kunneman of “One Voice Ministries” warned fellow Christians that they "better be very careful" about criticizing "prophets" like him, because "It's a dangerous place, and some of you might get leprosy.” Wow, leprosy? That’s one helluva threat! Now, while I wasn’t there, my guess is that it all came down something like this - some critic calls out God’s “prophet” Kunneman for his bogus claims, then further challenges him by declaring “You want a piece of me, then come and get it!” Then God gave that critic leprosy - and that “piece of him” just fell right off. Now, on a personal note, I’ve also been a vocal critic of Kunneman’s ministry for a long time now, and I can happily report that I haven’t come down with “leprosy.” Alth...

Trump Tells Hannity He Can Declassify Secret Documents With Just His Mind

During a recent interview on Fox News with Sean Hannity, former president Donald Trump tried to defend stashing extremely sensitive classified documents at his Mar-a-Lago resort by saying he was the president, and the president can declassify, simply by “saying its declassified.” Trump further added that “there doesn't have to be a process - there can be a process, but there doesn't have to be.” Trump then told Hannity that if you're the president of the United States, you can actually declassify something “by just ‘ thinking’ about it.” Oh, my word! You mean to tell me Trump actually thinks he can declassify the government's most guarded secrets, simply by “thinking about them?” Now, not to be critical, but it sure sounds like someone has been spending way too much of their spare time binge-watching old episodes of “I Dream of Jeannie.” I mean, about the only thing he left out was that he also sprinkled the documents with “pixie dust!” This...

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal: Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike? Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death. Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this. On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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