Skip to main content

Scientists Identify Earth's Oldest Known Animal Fossils

Scientists Identify Earth's Oldest Known Animal Fossils:  Scientists have used fat molecules to solve a longstanding mystery and identify an ancient creature who lived 558 million years ago called Dickinsonia, thought to be the first complex “multi-cellular” organisms on Earth.  Gee, multi-cellular organisms?  I had no idea they even had cell phones back then, let alone organisms that could afford more than one phone.  I can’t even imagine what their calling plan would look like.  Knowing how they lived back then, I’ll bet they were constantly saddled with roaming charges.



Six Siblings of a Republican Congressman Endorse His Opponent:  Citing the congressman’s increasingly extremist views on immigration, health care, birther conspiracy theories and white supremacy - six brothers and sisters of Arizona Republican congressman Paul Gosar are appearing in ads, pleading with Arizona citizens to consider voting for his Democratic opponent.  Sadly, I think a Paul Gosar is about the best representation you can expect from people who’ve lived just downwind from 40 years of nuclear testing during the cold war.  Paul Gosar represents Arizona’s the rural 4th District - an area where severe aluminum foil shortages are a fact of life as well as numerous UFO sightings.  One thing’s for sure, the Gosar Thanksgiving dinner this November should be quite memorable!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Trump Mocks Honest Abe During His Dallas Rally

Trump Mocks Honest Abe During His Dallas Rally:  President Donald Trump once again shocked critics by mocking Abraham Lincoln during his latest rally in Dallas, telling followers he would never be as presidential as "Honest Abe Lincoln when he's wearing that hat," adding that to be presidential like Lincoln - "all you have to do is act like a stiff.”  He then proceeded to mimic “a stiff,” by buttoning his blazer, speaking in a monotonous voice, and claiming that someone as boring as Lincoln could never win Texas. Wait a minute, that’s just crazy!  You’re telling me Donald Trump can actually button-up his blazer?  Wow, who could have ever seen that coming?  Anyway, Trump’s definitely right about one thing, the word “honest” will NEVER be used to describe Donald Trump - or his presidency. Of course, trying to compare Donald Trump to Abraham Lincoln is simply ridiculous, no matter how you look at it.  I mean, you’d have to go back a helluva lot furt...

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal:   Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike?  Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death.  Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this.   On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Donald Trump Sporting Slick New Hairdo for UK Visit

Donald Trump Sporting Slick New Hairdo for UK Visit:   US President Donald Trump is showing off a shockingly new slicked-back hairdo, as he prepares to meet with the Queen during his first official state visit to the UK. Good God?  What the hell is that all about?  Is he trying to bring back the mullet?  Either that, or he’s secretly planning on entering a Gary Busey lookalike contest as soon as he gets to London. My guess is, he’s trying to put on his best bohunk sexy look for his meetup with the queen.  One thing’s for sure, he now actually looks exactly like the greasy, mob slime ball he tries to act like.  Maybe he figures that if he ever does get impeached, when they come to get him, no one will be able to recognize him.  But hell, even if he does get impeached, he’ll have nothing to worry as far as getting a job.  I mean, what respectable La Vegas used car lot wouldn’t wanna hire a guy who looks like that? https://ww...