Scientists Identify Earth's Oldest Known Animal Fossils

Scientists Identify Earth's Oldest Known Animal Fossils: Scientists have used fat molecules to solve a longstanding mystery and identify an ancient creature who lived 558 million years ago called Dickinsonia, thought to be the first complex “multi-cellular” organisms on Earth. Gee, multi-cellular organisms? I had no idea they even had cell phones back then, let alone organisms that could afford more than one phone. I can’t even imagine what their calling plan would look like. Knowing how they lived back then, I’ll bet they were constantly saddled with roaming charges.

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Six Siblings of a Republican Congressman Endorse His Opponent: Citing the congressman’s increasingly extremist views on immigration, health care, birther conspiracy theories and white supremacy - six brothers and sisters of Arizona Republican congressman Paul Gosar are appearing in ads, pleading with Arizona citizens to consider voting for his Democratic opponent. Sadly, I think a Paul Gosar is about the best representation you can expect from people who’ve lived just downwind from 40 years of nuclear testing during the cold war. Paul Gosar represents Arizona’s the rural 4th District - an area where severe aluminum foil shortages are a fact of life as well as numerous UFO sightings. One thing’s for sure, the Gosar Thanksgiving dinner this November should be quite memorable!

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Trump Demands Constitution Be Set Aside and He Be Reinstated as President

Reacting to a Twitter post from Elon Musk who claimed Democrats violated the 1st Amendment by collaborating with big tech (Twitter), to remove tweets that featured pornographic photos of Hunter Biden during the 2020 election,” former President Donald Trump took to his Truth Social platform to demand that the United States Constitution be set aside and that he be reinstated as president. Trump further claimed that "A Massive Fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the Constitution. Our great 'Founders' did not want, and would not condone False & Fraudulent Elections!” Now, let me get this straight, Trump wants the US Constitution to be suspended - because Twitter refused to publish photos of “Hunter Biden's junk” during that last presidential election? The thing is Elon, Democrats weren’t even in power in 2020 - Trump was, which would make it a bit difficult for them to violate the...

Anti-Vax Newsmax Host Says Diseases are Supposed to Kill People

Conservative network Newsmax has been forced to “distance itself” from remarks uttered by host Rob Schmitt this week, who claimed that vaccines go "against nature" because diseases are "supposed to wipe out a certain amount of people,” and that vaccinations “unnaturally interfere with viruses' designs on killing people.” Wow, kinda looks like the “Schmitt” has really hit the fan over at Newsmax. So, they want to “distance” themselves from Schmitt’s remarks, do they? Gee, makes you wonder if the morons who run Newsmax know they actually have the option not hire anti-science nitwits like Schmitt as anchors in the first place? Not to worry though, should Schmitt get fired, I'm sure folks like Kevin McCarthy or Rand Paul would warmly welcome him to become part of their staffs. Of course, the truth is, what Schmitt is really promoting is “Social Darwinism.” Given that, I assume by the same logic he applies to vaccines, one may conclude that by warning people ...

Trump Ordered by Jury to Pay E. Jean Carroll $83 Million

In his second trial in less than a year on the matter, a civil jury in Manhattan took only three hours to decide that disgraced former President Trump must pay $83.3 million in punitive and compensatory damages to rape victim and writer E. Jean Carroll in a drama that began in the dressing room of a New York City department store back in 1995. Gee whiz, $83 million? Seems it turns out that even “when you're a star, they don't always let you do it.” Anyway, so the Orange God used his big fat mouth to talk his way out of a $5 million judgment - and right into an $83 million judgment. Now, that really takes some skill! Talk about “The Art of the Deal!” I’m totally impressed. Why, its almost as if Mr. Trump and his militant, useless attorney don’t fully comprehend the basic point of “punitive damages.” I mean, at this point, Trump defames Ms. Carroll so frequently, she’s almost gonna need to put up an electronic signboard to alert the court abo...

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