Donald Trump Tells Michigan Crowd He’s a Nationalist

Donald Trump Tells Michigan Crowd He’s a Nationalist: Speaking to a crowd of rabid followers in Michigan, President Donald Trump told the crowd that even though it may not be popular to say these days, he is a proud “nationalist.” Gee, the term “nationalist” is getting pretty damn close to other terms which are “no longer popular.” Terms which lost popularity after WW II. Of course, in all fairness, you can’t really say he’s a “white nationalist” - because he paints his face orange.

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Human Poop Found to Be Full of Plastic: Scientists say plastics that are dumped into our oceans break down into microscopic bits and are then consumed up the food chain - eventually ending up getting pooped out in human stools. So, for those of you who say “I don’t really give a crap about all the plastics in our oceans” - turns out that you do after all.

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Mars May Have Enough Oxygen to Sustain Subsurface Life: While much research has focused on whether life ever existed on Mars in the past, a JPL-led team looked at the amount of oxygen in the Martian soil and determined that Mars may have the ingredients for life to exist now - only underground. I’m so happy for Mars. They really deserve it. I’ll bet all those people who thought there could never be life anywhere other than Earth, are now looking up at Mars and seeing red.

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GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold: Rep. Justin Amash (R-Mich.), has become the first Republican congressman to publicly state that, based on the Mueller Report - the President “engaged in impeachable conduct.” Rep. Amash further added that Attorney General Barr “deliberately misrepresented” the Mueller Report’s findings to congress and to the American public. Oh boy! One can only imagine the 3 AM tweet storm that’s gonna emanate from Trump’s porcelain throne over this level of betrayal. I’ll tell you another thing, disloyalty of this magnitude to the Cult of Trump isn’t likely to set well in America’s trailer parks either. But then again, what else is new? After all, Republicans have never viewed reality as being in their best interests. Now, I have no idea how all this is gonna finally go down, but I do know one thing - Justin Amash is definitely not gonna get an invite to Donald Trump's next wedding....

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy: After numerous prophecies of his failed to materialize, resulting in various accusations of lies and fraud, self-described “prophet” and right-wing pastor Hank Kunneman of “One Voice Ministries” warned fellow Christians that they "better be very careful" about criticizing "prophets" like him, because "It's a dangerous place, and some of you might get leprosy.” Wow, leprosy? That’s one helluva threat! Now, while I wasn’t there, my guess is that it all came down something like this - some critic calls out God’s “prophet” Kunneman for his bogus claims, then further challenges him by declaring “You want a piece of me, then come and get it!” Then God gave that critic leprosy - and that “piece of him” just fell right off. Now, on a personal note, I’ve also been a vocal critic of Kunneman’s ministry for a long time now, and I can happily report that I haven’t come down with “leprosy.” Alth...

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone: Speaking at a recent conference, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari denied claims that he had died and been replaced by a Sudanese impostor or a clone, breaking his silence on a rumor that has been circulating on social media for months. Wait a minute, I think I saw that movie - “ Weekend at Muhammadu’s. ” And, if I remember correctly - wasn’t it was a Sudanese actor who played the lead? Who do they think they’re kidding anyway? After all, I wasn’t born yesterday! Now, of course, I’m sitting out here in California - so I have no sure-fire way to confirm or deny all these rumors, but I do know one thing - if you can’t believe Nigerian e-mails and social media posts, what the hell can you believe? https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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