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Florida Man Attempts To Buy 8-Year-Old For $200,000 At Walmart

Florida Man Attempts To Buy 8-Year-Old For $200,000 At Walmart:  An 81-year-old Florida man is facing charges after he approached a mother and her 8-year-old daughter who were shopping at Walmart and attempted to negotiate buying the girl for $100,000 - finally incrementally upping the price to as much as $200,000 before finally walking away when she wouldn’t accept his offer. 
Gee, when I read this story, my first thought was “what the hell, has Roy Moore moved to Florida?”  Now its been a long time since I’ve set foot in a Walmart store -  I didn't realize they sold 8-year-olds there.  I don’t wanna sound insensitive, but $200,000 seems a bit expensive for Walmart.  These Trump tariffs are apparently really having an effect.   

But seriously, this guy has to realize that just because you see kids in a shopping cart, doesn't mean they're for sale.  All I can say is, thank goodness no one made an offer like that to my family when I was a kid.

Now let’s see exactly what we’ve got here: we got Florida - check.  We got Walmart - check.  And lastly, we got both Florida and Walmart - jackpot!  I mean, come on - combining Florida and Walmart together?  Isn’t that a little like mixing Ammonia and Bleach?.  

And have you ever wondered why do so many bizarre articles start with the phrase: "A Florida resident…”?  There's got to be something potent in the water down there.  And since Trump’s always yelling about building walls, just maybe it’s time to start thinking about building one around Florida.

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