Piranha-Like Fish Fossil Discovered in Germany

Piranha-Like Fish Fossil Discovered in Germany: Researchers say they’ve discovered an ancient Piranha-like fish in Germany - a fish that would have been capable of ripping the flesh right off the bones of its prey. Scientists say these finds are normally rather difficult to date, but luckily - the fish was found wrapped in a very old New York Times crossword puzzle section, so they just dated it using that.

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Amazon Rolls Out Whisper Mode for Alexa: Amazon is rolling out its “Whisper Mode” for all its Alexa products - with the smart assistant responding in kind to your whispered commands. This whisper feature is expected to be extremely useful to protect the confidentiality of people sooooo stupid that they have to ask Alexa questions such as “who is the President of Puerto Rico?” or “can the baby get pregnant if a woman has sex with a man during pregnancy?”

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Climate Change Expected to Take Toll on Barley Used to Make Beer: The barley used today in the making of beer is expected to take a huge hit as the climate worsens, making your favorite lager, ale or IPA possibly more scarce and definitely more pricey. While I’m certainly no paleontologist, I’m guessing that’s exactly what may have happened to all the dinosaurs. Climate change heated up the planet, killed off most of the barley and these big guys, being huge beer drinkers - just couldn’t live without their beer.

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GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold: Rep. Justin Amash (R-Mich.), has become the first Republican congressman to publicly state that, based on the Mueller Report - the President “engaged in impeachable conduct.” Rep. Amash further added that Attorney General Barr “deliberately misrepresented” the Mueller Report’s findings to congress and to the American public. Oh boy! One can only imagine the 3 AM tweet storm that’s gonna emanate from Trump’s porcelain throne over this level of betrayal. I’ll tell you another thing, disloyalty of this magnitude to the Cult of Trump isn’t likely to set well in America’s trailer parks either. But then again, what else is new? After all, Republicans have never viewed reality as being in their best interests. Now, I have no idea how all this is gonna finally go down, but I do know one thing - Justin Amash is definitely not gonna get an invite to Donald Trump's next wedding....

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy: After numerous prophecies of his failed to materialize, resulting in various accusations of lies and fraud, self-described “prophet” and right-wing pastor Hank Kunneman of “One Voice Ministries” warned fellow Christians that they "better be very careful" about criticizing "prophets" like him, because "It's a dangerous place, and some of you might get leprosy.” Wow, leprosy? That’s one helluva threat! Now, while I wasn’t there, my guess is that it all came down something like this - some critic calls out God’s “prophet” Kunneman for his bogus claims, then further challenges him by declaring “You want a piece of me, then come and get it!” Then God gave that critic leprosy - and that “piece of him” just fell right off. Now, on a personal note, I’ve also been a vocal critic of Kunneman’s ministry for a long time now, and I can happily report that I haven’t come down with “leprosy.” Alth...

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone: Speaking at a recent conference, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari denied claims that he had died and been replaced by a Sudanese impostor or a clone, breaking his silence on a rumor that has been circulating on social media for months. Wait a minute, I think I saw that movie - “ Weekend at Muhammadu’s. ” And, if I remember correctly - wasn’t it was a Sudanese actor who played the lead? Who do they think they’re kidding anyway? After all, I wasn’t born yesterday! Now, of course, I’m sitting out here in California - so I have no sure-fire way to confirm or deny all these rumors, but I do know one thing - if you can’t believe Nigerian e-mails and social media posts, what the hell can you believe? https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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