Skip to main content

CDC Issues Nationwide Warning Not Eat Romaine Lettuce

CDC Issues Nationwide Warning Not Eat Romaine Lettuce:  Just as millions of Americans were preparing for the biggest food holiday of the year, CDC officials issued a warning not buy or eat romaine lettuce - restaurants should stop serving it and anyone who has it on hand should throw it out and clean the refrigerator immediately.  When asked about the situation, President Trump told reporters he’s not really concerned - because only liberals eat romaine lettuce.  In related news, law enforcement officials expressed concern that now the warning has gone public, mass killers may switch from guns to romaine lettuce.



Trump’s Deployment Of Troops to Border to Cost $72 Million:  The Pentagon says President Trump’s deployment of 5,900 active-duty troops to the southern border will cost taxpayers a staggering sum of at least $72 million.  No problem - just fax the invoice over to Trump Tower.  On the other hand, I suppose it’s kind of a bargain when compared to all his golf outings.




Palace Aids Tell Meghan to Stop Dressing Like Hollywood Star:  The Duchess of Sussex is reportedly in hot water with the Royals for refusing to follow “royal dress protocol” instead of the more fashionable, laid-back outfits she frequently wears.  Meghan, I can totally relate.  I mean, back in the day, my grandmother didn’t often like what the hell I wore either.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Trump Takes to Truth Social to Spread ‘Roomer’ About Ron DeSantis

Former president Donald Trump just shared some juicy gossip about Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on his Truth Social platform.   Trump posted, “Roomer (sic) are (sic) strong in political circles that Ron DeSanctimonious, whose Presidential run is a shambles, and whose poll numbers have absolutely crashed, putting him 3rd and 4th in some states, will be dropping out of the Presidential race in order to run, in Florida, against Rick Scott for Senate.   Now that’s an interesting one, isn’t it?” Gee, Donald Trump spreading “roomers?”  Say it ain’t so!   Now, me thinks perhaps that prestigious Wharton School of Business Trump attended might want to consider adding some basic 3rd-grade spelling classes to its curriculum.   Apparently, Trump is stalled at that level of language development where he is still spelling words phonetically.   Why his poor spelling makes him look like a real “looser.”   Frankly, I’m not sure its a wise choice for Republicans to choose ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal:   Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike?  Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death.  Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this.   On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com
Post a Comment
Read more

Trump Ordered by Jury to Pay E. Jean Carroll $83 Million

In his second trial in less than a year on the matter, a civil jury in Manhattan took only three hours to decide that disgraced former President Trump must pay $83.3 million in punitive and compensatory damages to rape victim and writer E. Jean Carroll in a drama that began in the dressing room of a New York City department store back in 1995. Gee whiz, $83 million?  Seems it turns out that even “when you're a star, they don't always let you do it.”  Anyway, so the Orange God used his big fat mouth to talk his way out of a $5 million judgment - and right into an $83 million judgment.  Now, that really takes some skill!  Talk about “The Art of the Deal!”  I’m totally impressed.  Why, its almost as if Mr. Trump and his militant, useless attorney don’t fully comprehend the basic point of “punitive damages.”   I mean, at this point, Trump defames Ms. Carroll so frequently, she’s almost gonna need to put up an electronic signboard to alert the court abo...
Post a Comment
Read more