Skip to main content

CDC Issues Nationwide Warning Not Eat Romaine Lettuce

CDC Issues Nationwide Warning Not Eat Romaine Lettuce:  Just as millions of Americans were preparing for the biggest food holiday of the year, CDC officials issued a warning not buy or eat romaine lettuce - restaurants should stop serving it and anyone who has it on hand should throw it out and clean the refrigerator immediately.  When asked about the situation, President Trump told reporters he’s not really concerned - because only liberals eat romaine lettuce.  In related news, law enforcement officials expressed concern that now the warning has gone public, mass killers may switch from guns to romaine lettuce.



Trump’s Deployment Of Troops to Border to Cost $72 Million:  The Pentagon says President Trump’s deployment of 5,900 active-duty troops to the southern border will cost taxpayers a staggering sum of at least $72 million.  No problem - just fax the invoice over to Trump Tower.  On the other hand, I suppose it’s kind of a bargain when compared to all his golf outings.




Palace Aids Tell Meghan to Stop Dressing Like Hollywood Star:  The Duchess of Sussex is reportedly in hot water with the Royals for refusing to follow “royal dress protocol” instead of the more fashionable, laid-back outfits she frequently wears.  Meghan, I can totally relate.  I mean, back in the day, my grandmother didn’t often like what the hell I wore either.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Trump Lawyer Schoen Threatens America With Civil War

Trump Lawyer Schoen Threatens America With Civil War:  In a fiery speech, arguing that impeachment would disenfranchise Donald Trump’s supporters, defense lawyer David Schoen is being harshly criticized for his thinly veiled threat - warning that impeaching the former president could very well result in even more violence from Donald Trump’s easily enraged base. So, if I understand Schoen’s argument correctly, it sounds as if he’s implying that “if you bring Trump to trial, then that angry, violent mob who attacked the Capitol, wanting to hang Vice President Pence and kill various members of Congress, might get really, really mad again - and there will be reprisals.”   You know, we’re talking stuff like ”Nice country you have here - be a damn shame if something were to happen to it!”  In other words, Schoen’s trying to incite violence, in defense of a man who’s facing trial - over inciting violence.  They don’t teach you that in law school.   Now, is it jus...
Post a Comment
Read more

Trump Using Divisive Topics Like Plastic Straws to Energize Base

Trump Using Divisive Topics Like Plastic Straws to Energize Base:  Using tactics such as plastic straws, wind turbines, bogus conspiracy theories and race-baiting, White House aides freely admit that Donald Trump has been deliberately attempting to amplify public tensions in America by seizing on divisive issues as a means to energize his explosively angry base. Now, I know what some of you are thinking - you’re thinking “now this, is the last straw!”  Well, before you attack the “straw man,” remember that Donald Trump was that kid in school who thought it was simply hilarious to jam two straws up his nostrils.  Straws were an important part of Donald’s childhood, so it shouldn’t be a big surprise they remain so today.     What all you “elites" don’t understand is that Trump folks are all about fighting for “freedom.”  You know, the freedom to be morbidly obese, the freedom to destroy the environment, the freedom to live without affordable healt...
Post a Comment
Read more

Trump Commutes Old Pal Roger Stone's Sentence

Trump Commutes Old Pal Roger Stone's Sentence:   After declaring Roger Stone a victim of the “Russia hoax” perpetuated by the Left and its allies in the media, President Trump has commuted the three-year prison criminal sentence for the Republican operative and dirty trickster, who was due to report to federal prison on Tuesday after being found guilty of obstruction, witness tampering and lying to Congress. Good grief, is it my imagination, or has Trump actually just pardoned the real-life version of the Monopoly guy?  I mean, Stone is a villain right out of Charles Dickens.  Why, this is an act so corrupt, it’s almost enough to make Kim Jong-un and Vladimir Putin blush. Now, I’m no legal expert, but it appears what the Trump Administration is basically arguing is that - someone shouldn’t be punished for committing a crime which “they really should’ve gotten away with.”  And while that may sound a bit odd to the rest of us, that kind of thinking makes go...
Post a Comment
Read more