Trump Ridiculed for Telling Californians to Rake Forests

Trump Ridiculed for Telling Californians to Rake Forests: Donald Trump’s weekend visit to fire-ravaged California has prompted a withering barrage of ridicule and anger after he suggested the state should copy Finland and rake forest floors to prevent a repeat of wildfires that have killed at least 76 people.

Wow, that really has a ring to it - “Make America Rake Again!” Thanks so much for the advice Mr President. Gee, there’s only 33-million acres of forest in California. We’ll get right on it.

And while some may complain that Trump has never held a rake in his life, I think most people can agree he has been busy “raking in the dough” from sleazy hustles like Trump University, Trump Steaks, Trump Vodka and money laundering scams disguised as real estate ventures - the list goes on and on. Besides, even if he’s never held an actual rake, he has held lots of golf clubs - that ought to count for something.

Anyway, my suggestion is, while we’re busy trying to emulate Finland's supposed forest raking habits, perhaps we should consider copying some other ideas from Finland and other Scandinavian countries while we’re at it - like properly funding education, green energy and health care. Just a thought.

https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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Sen. Katie Britt Blames Biden for a Rape 20 Years Ago in Mexico

During what many are calling an absolutely insane rebuttal to President Biden’s “State of the Union” address, Sen. Katie Boyd Britt (R-Ala.), walked onto a studio sound stage (set up like an upper-middle-class kitchen) and began to link a harrowing account of a young woman’s sex trafficking and rape by a Mexican drug cartel, to Joe Biden’s immigration policies of the 2020s. She did this even though the abuse happened nearly 20 years ago and in Mexico - and at a time when Republican George W. Bush was president, not Joe Biden. The girl about whom Sen. Britt spoke - was thrown out of her house by her mother at age 12 and eventually “fell prey to a professional pimp.” There is no evidence that she was ever held by a drug cartel, as Katie claimed. In addition, the young victim testified that most of her clients for prostitution were foreigners visiting Mexico to have sex with underage girls. Okay, so now let me get this straight. A young Mexican fema...

White House Calls Trump Property the Perfect G7 Meeting Location

White House Calls Trump Property the Perfect G7 Meeting Location: The White House and President Trump are raising eyebrows once again after they selected Donald Trump’s National Doral Resort Hotel as the “perfect location” for the next G7 summit while also suggesting President Trump plans to re-invite Russian President Vladimir Putin to the meeting. Well gee-whiz, what a lucky break for the Trump Resorts. I mean, who knew there was no other place in the entire United States that would be appropriate to hold a G7 summit other than a Trump property? Imagine that! Of course, at the rate Trump has been betraying all our friends and allies, by the time this conference actually rolls around - my guess is it’s likely only gonna be a G2 summit - with just Trump and Putin in attendance! https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Claims Bahamas are Full of Bad Gang Members

Trump Claims Bahamas are Full of Bad Gang Members: President Trump shocked reporters by telling them that he is hesitant to allow any Bahamians to enter the US after Hurricane Dorian, because the island is full of "bad gang members.” Right, “bad gang members.” That’s as opposed to all the “good gang members” who follow him. You know, like the KKK, the neo-Nazis and all those white-supremacist militia gangs. But come on, if Trump really thought that there’s all these “bad guys” roaming around in the Bahamas, you’d think he’d have invited them to meet with him at Camp David by now. That said, my guess is that about the only thing Donald Trump actually knows about the Bahamas is that it’s surrounded bigly, by a Yuge bunch of water. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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