Forensic Scientists Claim Jack the Ripper Identified by DNA

Forensic Scientists Claim Jack the Ripper Identified by DNA: Researchers say they’ve used DNA to finally unmask Jack the Ripper, the infamous serial killer who terrorized London in the late 1800s - identifying the killer as Aaron Kosminski, a 23-year-old Polish immigrant barber. Well, it’s about time! Perhaps now, Londoners can finally get themselves a good night’s sleep again. I suppose one could even say that Mr. Kosminski operated the world’s first “Supercuts.” Unfortunately, Kosminski’s “Supercuts” seemed to be more focused on cutting the neck than cutting the hair.

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Trump Exaggerated Wealth to Get $2Bn in Loans From Deutsche Bank: A new report found that Donald Trump repeatedly exaggerated his wealth to secure huge loans of $2 billion from Germany’s Deutsche Bank, even after bankruptcies and defaults led to him to be “deemed untouchable” by other credible financial institutions. Wow, and to think all I ever got from my bank was a lousy toaster. That said, Trump’s dire financial situation has left investigators wondering if Russia’s money laundering ties to Deutsche Bank may have had a hand in securing him the loans. Well, I’m gonna jump out on a limb here and say “you’re darned Putin they did.”

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Trump Takes to Truth Social to Spread ‘Roomer’ About Ron DeSantis

Former president Donald Trump just shared some juicy gossip about Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on his Truth Social platform. Trump posted, “Roomer (sic) are (sic) strong in political circles that Ron DeSanctimonious, whose Presidential run is a shambles, and whose poll numbers have absolutely crashed, putting him 3rd and 4th in some states, will be dropping out of the Presidential race in order to run, in Florida, against Rick Scott for Senate. Now that’s an interesting one, isn’t it?” Gee, Donald Trump spreading “roomers?” Say it ain’t so! Now, me thinks perhaps that prestigious Wharton School of Business Trump attended might want to consider adding some basic 3rd-grade spelling classes to its curriculum. Apparently, Trump is stalled at that level of language development where he is still spelling words phonetically. Why his poor spelling makes him look like a real “looser.” Frankly, I’m not sure its a wise choice for Republicans to choose ...

Anti-Vax Newsmax Host Says Diseases are Supposed to Kill People

Conservative network Newsmax has been forced to “distance itself” from remarks uttered by host Rob Schmitt this week, who claimed that vaccines go "against nature" because diseases are "supposed to wipe out a certain amount of people,” and that vaccinations “unnaturally interfere with viruses' designs on killing people.” Wow, kinda looks like the “Schmitt” has really hit the fan over at Newsmax. So, they want to “distance” themselves from Schmitt’s remarks, do they? Gee, makes you wonder if the morons who run Newsmax know they actually have the option not hire anti-science nitwits like Schmitt as anchors in the first place? Not to worry though, should Schmitt get fired, I'm sure folks like Kevin McCarthy or Rand Paul would warmly welcome him to become part of their staffs. Of course, the truth is, what Schmitt is really promoting is “Social Darwinism.” Given that, I assume by the same logic he applies to vaccines, one may conclude that by warning people ...

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal: Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike? Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death. Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this. On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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