Sharks Bite Three in One Day on Same Beach in Separate Attacks

Sharks Bite Three in One Day on Same Beach in Separate Attacks: Three people are recovering after being bitten by sharks on the very same day at New Smyrna Beach in Florida, a beach that has the rather dubious reputation of being known as “the Shark Capital of the World.”

So, let me get this straight - we have a beach with a nasty reputation for shark attacks, we have 3 people bitten by sharks within the last 24 hours - and yet Floridians are still head right in the water for a swim? Well. all I can say is, hold my beer!

In fact, a quick check over at the Florida Museum of Natural History reveals there have been a total of 1,441 “unprovoked” shark attacks in the US since 1837, the majority (828) occurring right in Florida. Unprovoked attacks? That has me wondering, just how many “provoked attacks" have there been?

Anyway, when asked about the situation, an angry NRA spokesperson said “these ruthless attacks have to be stopped,” and is proposing arming all beach goers. On the other hand, the Trump administration is taking a bit more conciliatory approach, suggesting signs be posted in the water that read “No Biting!”

Meanwhile, Hawaii presidential candidate Tulsi Gabbard says she knows a few things about sharks herself and, while not condoning the attacks, claims that “humans have been making loads of money off Shark Week for a long time now and have never, ever offered to share any the profits - and they wonder why the sharks bite?”

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GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold: Rep. Justin Amash (R-Mich.), has become the first Republican congressman to publicly state that, based on the Mueller Report - the President “engaged in impeachable conduct.” Rep. Amash further added that Attorney General Barr “deliberately misrepresented” the Mueller Report’s findings to congress and to the American public. Oh boy! One can only imagine the 3 AM tweet storm that’s gonna emanate from Trump’s porcelain throne over this level of betrayal. I’ll tell you another thing, disloyalty of this magnitude to the Cult of Trump isn’t likely to set well in America’s trailer parks either. But then again, what else is new? After all, Republicans have never viewed reality as being in their best interests. Now, I have no idea how all this is gonna finally go down, but I do know one thing - Justin Amash is definitely not gonna get an invite to Donald Trump's next wedding....

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy

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Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone: Speaking at a recent conference, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari denied claims that he had died and been replaced by a Sudanese impostor or a clone, breaking his silence on a rumor that has been circulating on social media for months. Wait a minute, I think I saw that movie - “ Weekend at Muhammadu’s. ” And, if I remember correctly - wasn’t it was a Sudanese actor who played the lead? Who do they think they’re kidding anyway? After all, I wasn’t born yesterday! Now, of course, I’m sitting out here in California - so I have no sure-fire way to confirm or deny all these rumors, but I do know one thing - if you can’t believe Nigerian e-mails and social media posts, what the hell can you believe? https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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