My Tale of Mystery and Intrigue in a Godforsaken Town They Call Bakersfield

My Tale of Mystery and Intrigue in a Godforsaken Town They Call Bakersfield: Over the years, I cannot begin to tell you how many times good, decent folks have come up to me and asked me to post something that could prove to them that there have actually been people who sincerely want to be in Bakersfield, California.

Well, I knew right away this was gonna be one tough assignment - but I've had them before. So, I put aside my long-held plans to binge-watch old episodes of “My Mother the Car,” and began my fateful journey. And my friends, it was a journey that would take me to places no self-respecting, decent human being should ever find themselves. That’s right, I’m talking about Bakersfield.

Then, one chilly and windy, dark Bakersfield night - I got lucky. No, you perverts, not THAT kind of lucky! I was walking down one of those small, winding, little Bakersfield side streets, when I came upon this funky, little jazz club. It was late - and I knew it was late - because I had looked at my watch, which told me it was late. And because I had just set my watch, I accepted that as fact.

Well anyway, I walked inside and stepped right up to the bar and ordered and ordered myself a Rusty Nail. Why, a Rusty Nail you ask? Because there was a rusty nail laying the floor – I figured it was a sign. And then, sure enough – it happened – she walked by, didn’t say a word, but gave me a slight glance and slipped this into my pocket…I had what I wanted – time to go home!

http://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Comments

Trump Lawyer Schoen Threatens America With Civil War

Trump Lawyer Schoen Threatens America With Civil War: In a fiery speech, arguing that impeachment would disenfranchise Donald Trump’s supporters, defense lawyer David Schoen is being harshly criticized for his thinly veiled threat - warning that impeaching the former president could very well result in even more violence from Donald Trump’s easily enraged base. So, if I understand Schoen’s argument correctly, it sounds as if he’s implying that “if you bring Trump to trial, then that angry, violent mob who attacked the Capitol, wanting to hang Vice President Pence and kill various members of Congress, might get really, really mad again - and there will be reprisals.” You know, we’re talking stuff like ”Nice country you have here - be a damn shame if something were to happen to it!” In other words, Schoen’s trying to incite violence, in defense of a man who’s facing trial - over inciting violence. They don’t teach you that in law school. Now, is it jus...

Former Trump National Security Advisor Warns ‘Deep State’ Putting COVID Vaccine in Salad Dressing

Former Trump National Security Adviser Michael Flynn, who was fired and then prosecuted for lying to the FBI about his contacts with Russia before being ultimately pardoned by Trump, is now sliding further into the QAnon conspiracy world, telling the hosts of an online show dedicated to COVID and election fraud conspiracies - that he has heard the “Deep State” is attempting to “sneak coronavirus vaccine into salad dressing.” Now, I have no idea where Gen. Flynn got this information, but my guess is it was probably a text from Mike Lindell or Rudy Giuliani, alerting him to the “hidden dangers of salad dressing.” Or, it could have been Nicki Minaj for all I know. After all, she does have another cousin who has a friend in Timbuktu. Word on the street has it the “Deep State” will initially start with “Ranch Dressing” to vaccinate the cowboys, then move on to “Russian Dressing,” to get the rest of Trump’s supporters. Anyway, I hate to rain on Gen. Flynn’s conspiracy the...

Elon Musk Calls for the Prosecution of Anthony Fauci

Over the weekend, Elon Musk took to his Twitter account to call for the prosecution of infectious disease expert Dr. Anthony Fauci, endorsing a convoluted, right-wing conspiracy theory that claims Dr. Fauci financed the COVID-19 pandemic. Musk then proceeded to mock transgender people by adding “My pronouns are Prosecute/Fauci.” Gee, the “world’s richest right-wing troll” said what? Now, I realize it's a really low bar, but I think we’ve finally found someone who actually knows less about pronouns - than Herschel Walker. Not to be critical, but a good sign you may have a wee bit too much money on your hands, is when you blow 44 billion dollars, just to call people names. Oh sure, I’m positive Elon Musk, like any right-wing crusader, gets a real kick out of using his Twitter to “Own the Libs.” OK, I get that, but just who does he suppose is actually buying his friggin' cars, anyway? I’m pretty sure it isn’t Trump’s toothless, MAGA half-wits who are fillin...

You've Got to Be Kidding?

Search This Blog