Skip to main content

Conspirators Claim Burger King's Impossible Whopper Giving Men Breasts

Conspirators Claim Burger King's Impossible Whopper Giving Men Breasts:  Burger King’s Impossible Whopper has become a huge hit for the fast-food franchise, but a new conspiracy theory circulating in right-wing circles claims that the meatless burger is causing men to grow breasts.
Now, I know a lot of you are gonna say “a veggie burger causing men to grow breasts?  Why, that’s Impossible!”  Yes, dummy - that’s probably why it’s called the “Impossible Burger.”  Personally, I’d like to thank all these conspiracy theorists for keeping us “abreast” of this “developing” story.  

Hell, if these Impossible Burger people aren’t stopped soon, the poor company may be forced to change their name from Burger King to Burger Queen.  Not to mention, that men who may not want to have big breasts - may start demanding that Burger King make a sandwich that will help enlarge their “Whoppers” too!

That said, all this may end up having a silver lining.  I mean, this could create a huge sales boon for Victoria's Secret.  Not to mention, unemployed men may now be able to find work as Hooters servers.  Now the question is, how many Impossible Burgers do you need to eat before you’re sporting a couple of “double D’s?”

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy:   After numerous prophecies of his failed to materialize, resulting in various accusations of lies and fraud, self-described “prophet” and right-wing pastor Hank Kunneman of “One Voice Ministries” warned fellow Christians that they "better be very careful" about criticizing "prophets" like him, because "It's a dangerous place, and some of you might get leprosy.” Wow, leprosy?  That’s one helluva threat!  Now, while I wasn’t there, my guess is that it all came down something like this - some critic calls out God’s “prophet” Kunneman for his bogus claims, then further challenges him by declaring “You want a piece of me, then come and get it!”  Then God gave that critic leprosy - and that “piece of him” just fell right off. Now, on a personal note, I’ve also been a vocal critic of Kunneman’s ministry for a long time now, and I can happily report that I haven’t come down with “leprosy.”  Alth...

Trump Tells Hannity He Can Declassify Secret Documents With Just His Mind

During a recent interview on Fox News with Sean Hannity, former president Donald Trump tried to defend stashing extremely sensitive classified documents at his Mar-a-Lago resort by saying he was the president, and the president can declassify, simply by “saying its declassified.”   Trump further added that “there doesn't have to be a process - there can be a process, but there doesn't have to be.”   Trump then told Hannity that if you're the president of the United States, you can actually declassify something “by just ‘ thinking’ about it.”   Oh, my word!  You mean to tell me Trump actually thinks he can declassify the government's most guarded secrets, simply by “thinking about them?”  Now, not to be critical, but it sure sounds like someone has been spending way too much of their spare time binge-watching old episodes of “I Dream of Jeannie.”  I mean, about the only thing he left out was that he also sprinkled the documents with “pixie dust!” This...

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal:   Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike?  Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death.  Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this.   On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com