Trump Reminds Evangelicals that God Is On Our Side

Trump Reminds Evangelicals that God Is On Our Side: After recent criticism from a notable Christian publication, President Trump launched a new political coalition called “Evangelicals for Trump” at the King Jesus International Ministry megachurch in Florida, by declaring that God supports his agenda and made sure he got elected President, then adding “I really do believe we have God on our side.”

So, it was actually God who got Trump elected? Who knew? Oh wait, now that think of it - I believe God did discuss electing Trump in “the Book of Russians” - verse 20:16, or was it the “Gospel of Putin” verse 20:20? I must have somehow overlooked those chapters last time I read the Bible.

The truth is, even the harshest Trump critic - if completely honest, will have to admit that Trump has been a really devote Christian - at least ever since he realized how good "God" is at delivering votes on election day.

And I get how some folks may consider the President to be “God-like.” Why, just about every time Trump's on TV, makes a speech or is in the news, about the first thing off people’s lips is “oh, Jesus Christ!”

Not to mention, every time I’ve ever heard him speak, I could swear he’s speaking in tongues. For all I know, Trump may be that “2nd coming” or possibly even 3rd coming, that Christians have been waiting for all these years. But hell, why take my word for it - ask Stormy Daniels!

https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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Sen. Katie Britt Blames Biden for a Rape 20 Years Ago in Mexico

During what many are calling an absolutely insane rebuttal to President Biden’s “State of the Union” address, Sen. Katie Boyd Britt (R-Ala.), walked onto a studio sound stage (set up like an upper-middle-class kitchen) and began to link a harrowing account of a young woman’s sex trafficking and rape by a Mexican drug cartel, to Joe Biden’s immigration policies of the 2020s. She did this even though the abuse happened nearly 20 years ago and in Mexico - and at a time when Republican George W. Bush was president, not Joe Biden. The girl about whom Sen. Britt spoke - was thrown out of her house by her mother at age 12 and eventually “fell prey to a professional pimp.” There is no evidence that she was ever held by a drug cartel, as Katie claimed. In addition, the young victim testified that most of her clients for prostitution were foreigners visiting Mexico to have sex with underage girls. Okay, so now let me get this straight. A young Mexican fema...

White House Calls Trump Property the Perfect G7 Meeting Location

White House Calls Trump Property the Perfect G7 Meeting Location: The White House and President Trump are raising eyebrows once again after they selected Donald Trump’s National Doral Resort Hotel as the “perfect location” for the next G7 summit while also suggesting President Trump plans to re-invite Russian President Vladimir Putin to the meeting. Well gee-whiz, what a lucky break for the Trump Resorts. I mean, who knew there was no other place in the entire United States that would be appropriate to hold a G7 summit other than a Trump property? Imagine that! Of course, at the rate Trump has been betraying all our friends and allies, by the time this conference actually rolls around - my guess is it’s likely only gonna be a G2 summit - with just Trump and Putin in attendance! https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Claims Bahamas are Full of Bad Gang Members

Trump Claims Bahamas are Full of Bad Gang Members: President Trump shocked reporters by telling them that he is hesitant to allow any Bahamians to enter the US after Hurricane Dorian, because the island is full of "bad gang members.” Right, “bad gang members.” That’s as opposed to all the “good gang members” who follow him. You know, like the KKK, the neo-Nazis and all those white-supremacist militia gangs. But come on, if Trump really thought that there’s all these “bad guys” roaming around in the Bahamas, you’d think he’d have invited them to meet with him at Camp David by now. That said, my guess is that about the only thing Donald Trump actually knows about the Bahamas is that it’s surrounded bigly, by a Yuge bunch of water. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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