Televangelist Claims Veggie Burgers are a Satanic Plot to Alter Our DNA

Televangelist Claims Veggie Burgers are a Satanic Plot to Alter Our DNA: Christian televangelist Rick Wiles is warning his audience that the popularity of plant-based alternatives to meat and dairy products are part of a satanic plot to alter human DNA and create a race of soulless creatures, who will no longer be willing or able to accept Jesus Christ as their personal savior.

Wow, and who knew? Now, while I’m sure some of you are laughing, Pastor Wiles does bring up a valid point. I mean, when’s the last time you’ve seen someone accepting Jesus Christ as their personal savior - while they were busy gobbling down a veggie burger?

Now, some may ask, if Lucifer is nefariously altering the DNA of unsuspecting diners eating veggie burgers - then why doesn’t God just issue some sort of a “software update,” which would repair the poor schmuck’s DNA? After all, wasn’t God the one who designed these folks in the first place?

Perhaps, but if I’m understanding Pastor Wiles’ analysis correctly, while God can do one helluva lot of really cool and amazing stuff, He’s apparently completely powerless - whenever He comes up against meatless, vegetable protein. It apparently acts on Him like it’s His own, personal Kryptonite.

I mean, it’s important to remember that even omnipotent beings have their limits, after all. Besides, not even God would have access to anything even close to the massive financial resources and funding that someone like a Pastor Wiles would have.

Meanwhile, the Trump Administration says they’re working on a quick, sure-fire fix - to resolve the issue. Why, simply send all these damn fools, eating all these stupid vegetables - right back to wherever the hell they came from. Problem solved!

https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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