Skip to main content

Televangelist Claims Veggie Burgers are a Satanic Plot to Alter Our DNA


Televangelist Claims Veggie Burgers are a Satanic Plot to Alter Our DNA: Christian televangelist Rick Wiles is warning his audience that the popularity of plant-based alternatives to meat and dairy products are part of a satanic plot to alter human DNA and create a race of soulless creatures, who will no longer be willing or able to accept Jesus Christ as their personal savior.

Wow, and who knew?  Now, while I’m sure some of you are laughing, Pastor Wiles does bring up a valid point.  I mean, when’s the last time you’ve seen someone accepting Jesus Christ as their personal savior - while they were busy gobbling down a veggie burger?


Now, some may ask, if Lucifer is nefariously altering the DNA of unsuspecting diners eating veggie burgers - then why doesn’t God just issue some sort of a “software update,” which would repair the poor schmuck’s DNA?  After all, wasn’t God the one who designed these folks in the first place?  


Perhaps, but if I’m understanding Pastor Wiles’ analysis correctly, while God can do one helluva lot of really cool and amazing stuff, He’s apparently completely powerless - whenever He comes up against meatless, vegetable protein.  It apparently acts on Him like it’s His own, personal Kryptonite.  


I mean, it’s important to remember that even omnipotent beings have their limits, after all.  Besides, not even God would have access to anything even close to the massive financial resources and funding that someone like a Pastor Wiles would have.  


Meanwhile, the Trump Administration says they’re working on a quick, sure-fire fix - to resolve the issue.  Why, simply send all these damn fools, eating all these stupid vegetables - right back to wherever the hell they came from.  Problem solved!


https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Trump Takes to Truth Social to Spread ‘Roomer’ About Ron DeSantis

Former president Donald Trump just shared some juicy gossip about Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on his Truth Social platform.   Trump posted, “Roomer (sic) are (sic) strong in political circles that Ron DeSanctimonious, whose Presidential run is a shambles, and whose poll numbers have absolutely crashed, putting him 3rd and 4th in some states, will be dropping out of the Presidential race in order to run, in Florida, against Rick Scott for Senate.   Now that’s an interesting one, isn’t it?” Gee, Donald Trump spreading “roomers?”  Say it ain’t so!   Now, me thinks perhaps that prestigious Wharton School of Business Trump attended might want to consider adding some basic 3rd-grade spelling classes to its curriculum.   Apparently, Trump is stalled at that level of language development where he is still spelling words phonetically.   Why his poor spelling makes him look like a real “looser.”   Frankly, I’m not sure its a wise choice for Republicans to choose ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal:   Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike?  Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death.  Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this.   On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com
Post a Comment
Read more

Trump Demands Constitution Be Set Aside and He Be Reinstated as President

Reacting to a Twitter post from Elon Musk who claimed Democrats violated the 1st Amendment by collaborating with big tech (Twitter), to remove tweets that featured pornographic photos of Hunter Biden during the 2020 election,” former President Donald Trump took to his Truth Social platform to demand that the United States Constitution be set aside and that he be reinstated as president.   Trump further claimed that "A Massive Fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the Constitution.   Our great 'Founders' did not want, and would not condone False & Fraudulent Elections!” Now, let me get this straight, Trump wants the US Constitution to be suspended - because Twitter refused to publish photos of “Hunter Biden's junk” during that last presidential election?  The thing is Elon, Democrats weren’t even in power in 2020 - Trump was, which would make it a bit difficult for them to violate the...
Post a Comment
Read more