NC Townsfolk Fear Solar Farm Might Suck Up All the Sun’s Light

NC Townsfolk Fear Solar Farm Might Suck Up All the Sun’s Light: Angry residents of the North Carolina town of Woodland, have voted in a town council meeting to kill a proposed solar farm project in their area, out of fear that the solar panels would suck up all of the sun’s energy - thereby killing-off all local plant life, by preventing photosynthesis.

Wow, disaster narrowly averted! Thank goodness the citizens of this community were able to put their 3rd grade educations to good use and fight back against these damnable, sun-sucking, solar panels!

Shortly after the council’s vote, jubilant Woodland citizens were then treated to a celebratory concert, featuring dueling banjos at the local chapter of the Flat Earth Society, just down the road.

And, while most townsfolk seemed happy with the vote, others expressed grave concerns about other hidden dangers, such as “shadows" and "Daylight Saving Time,” which could also pose a treat to photosynthesis - adding it might just be time to ban them too.

Why, it’s almost enough to make you think all this so-called “American Exceptionalism” the President is always bragging about, is just another euphemism for “exceptional stupidity.” I tell ya, all this nonsense about sun-sucking-solar-panels is really starting to “burn me up.” Anyway, in other news from the 12th century…

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GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold: Rep. Justin Amash (R-Mich.), has become the first Republican congressman to publicly state that, based on the Mueller Report - the President “engaged in impeachable conduct.” Rep. Amash further added that Attorney General Barr “deliberately misrepresented” the Mueller Report’s findings to congress and to the American public. Oh boy! One can only imagine the 3 AM tweet storm that’s gonna emanate from Trump’s porcelain throne over this level of betrayal. I’ll tell you another thing, disloyalty of this magnitude to the Cult of Trump isn’t likely to set well in America’s trailer parks either. But then again, what else is new? After all, Republicans have never viewed reality as being in their best interests. Now, I have no idea how all this is gonna finally go down, but I do know one thing - Justin Amash is definitely not gonna get an invite to Donald Trump's next wedding....

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy

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Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone: Speaking at a recent conference, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari denied claims that he had died and been replaced by a Sudanese impostor or a clone, breaking his silence on a rumor that has been circulating on social media for months. Wait a minute, I think I saw that movie - “ Weekend at Muhammadu’s. ” And, if I remember correctly - wasn’t it was a Sudanese actor who played the lead? Who do they think they’re kidding anyway? After all, I wasn’t born yesterday! Now, of course, I’m sitting out here in California - so I have no sure-fire way to confirm or deny all these rumors, but I do know one thing - if you can’t believe Nigerian e-mails and social media posts, what the hell can you believe? https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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