USDA Calls Republican Claims of Biden Planning Meat Ban a Fabrication

USDA Calls Republican Claims of Biden Planning Meat Ban a Fabrication: The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) said Monday that there is absolutely no truth whatsoever to a story being circulated by The Daily Mail and Fox News, claiming that President Biden’s climate plan intends to limit the consumption of red meat by US citizens. Fox News host and former Trump advisor Larry Kudlow took it one step further, complaining that we’ll soon all be forced to drink “plant-based beer.”

Wow, forced to drink “plant-based” beer? Why, no wonder all Trump’s beer-drinking fans are “hopping” mad. Now, wait just a minute! Do you suppose Larry Kudlow really believes that beer comes from dairy cattle? Because that assumption would be udderly false.

Fortunately, Trump “patriots” have already begun stockpiling cattle in preparation for the upcoming beef ban. I can hear these brave souls now “if Biden wants to try to take away the source of my high cholesterol and coronary heart disease, he’ll have to pry them from my cold, dead hands.”

In contrast to that, conspiracy theorists Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert believe Joe Biden and Bill Gates have secretly hidden “microchips” in the nation's beef supply, and are warning folks to avoid eating any “chipped beef.” They say not only is Biden coming for your hamburgers, he’s also gonna snatch your children and force them to undergo gender reassignment!

Now, some may complain that Republicans have absolutely no evidence to back up any of these claims. Well, the truth is - “they don't need no stink’n evidence. You see, these are people who enjoy spending their time getting really, really angry about things - that aren’t even real. That’s right, a Trumper will believe almost anything - except the truth.

Johnny Robish Comedy

Comments

Sen. Katie Britt Blames Biden for a Rape 20 Years Ago in Mexico

During what many are calling an absolutely insane rebuttal to President Biden’s “State of the Union” address, Sen. Katie Boyd Britt (R-Ala.), walked onto a studio sound stage (set up like an upper-middle-class kitchen) and began to link a harrowing account of a young woman’s sex trafficking and rape by a Mexican drug cartel, to Joe Biden’s immigration policies of the 2020s. She did this even though the abuse happened nearly 20 years ago and in Mexico - and at a time when Republican George W. Bush was president, not Joe Biden. The girl about whom Sen. Britt spoke - was thrown out of her house by her mother at age 12 and eventually “fell prey to a professional pimp.” There is no evidence that she was ever held by a drug cartel, as Katie claimed. In addition, the young victim testified that most of her clients for prostitution were foreigners visiting Mexico to have sex with underage girls. Okay, so now let me get this straight. A young Mexican fema...

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold: Rep. Justin Amash (R-Mich.), has become the first Republican congressman to publicly state that, based on the Mueller Report - the President “engaged in impeachable conduct.” Rep. Amash further added that Attorney General Barr “deliberately misrepresented” the Mueller Report’s findings to congress and to the American public. Oh boy! One can only imagine the 3 AM tweet storm that’s gonna emanate from Trump’s porcelain throne over this level of betrayal. I’ll tell you another thing, disloyalty of this magnitude to the Cult of Trump isn’t likely to set well in America’s trailer parks either. But then again, what else is new? After all, Republicans have never viewed reality as being in their best interests. Now, I have no idea how all this is gonna finally go down, but I do know one thing - Justin Amash is definitely not gonna get an invite to Donald Trump's next wedding....

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone: Speaking at a recent conference, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari denied claims that he had died and been replaced by a Sudanese impostor or a clone, breaking his silence on a rumor that has been circulating on social media for months. Wait a minute, I think I saw that movie - “ Weekend at Muhammadu’s. ” And, if I remember correctly - wasn’t it was a Sudanese actor who played the lead? Who do they think they’re kidding anyway? After all, I wasn’t born yesterday! Now, of course, I’m sitting out here in California - so I have no sure-fire way to confirm or deny all these rumors, but I do know one thing - if you can’t believe Nigerian e-mails and social media posts, what the hell can you believe? https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

You've Got to Be Kidding?

Search This Blog