USDA Calls Republican Claims of Biden Planning Meat Ban a Fabrication

USDA Calls Republican Claims of Biden Planning Meat Ban a Fabrication: The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) said Monday that there is absolutely no truth whatsoever to a story being circulated by The Daily Mail and Fox News, claiming that President Biden’s climate plan intends to limit the consumption of red meat by US citizens. Fox News host and former Trump advisor Larry Kudlow took it one step further, complaining that we’ll soon all be forced to drink “plant-based beer.”

Wow, forced to drink “plant-based” beer? Why, no wonder all Trump’s beer-drinking fans are “hopping” mad. Now, wait just a minute! Do you suppose Larry Kudlow really believes that beer comes from dairy cattle? Because that assumption would be udderly false.

Fortunately, Trump “patriots” have already begun stockpiling cattle in preparation for the upcoming beef ban. I can hear these brave souls now “if Biden wants to try to take away the source of my high cholesterol and coronary heart disease, he’ll have to pry them from my cold, dead hands.”

In contrast to that, conspiracy theorists Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert believe Joe Biden and Bill Gates have secretly hidden “microchips” in the nation's beef supply, and are warning folks to avoid eating any “chipped beef.” They say not only is Biden coming for your hamburgers, he’s also gonna snatch your children and force them to undergo gender reassignment!

Now, some may complain that Republicans have absolutely no evidence to back up any of these claims. Well, the truth is - “they don't need no stink’n evidence. You see, these are people who enjoy spending their time getting really, really angry about things - that aren’t even real. That’s right, a Trumper will believe almost anything - except the truth.

Johnny Robish Comedy

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Marjorie Taylor Greene Claims Pete Buttigieg Emasculating Driving With Electric Cars

During a segment on Neil Cavuto’s Fox News program, US Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg was told by the host that Marjorie Taylor Greene is claiming "Mr. Buttigieg is trying to emasculate the way we drive" by supporting electric vehicles. In response, Buttigieg told Cavuto that “my sense of manhood is not connected to whether my vehicle is fueled by gasoline, or whether it's fueled by electricity.” When asked by Cavuto if he was offended by what Greene said, Buttigieg remarked "To be honest, there are other members of Congress that I pay more attention to when I'm thinking about opinions that really matter.” Oh, come on now! Let’s get real. It would take a helluva lot more than an electric car to “emasculate” Marjorie Taylor Greene. Besides, I’m pretty sure “real men” actually ride horses, anyway. Of course, I’m certainly no psychiatrist, but it sounds like Greene’s anger could be a combination of both “road rage” and “roid rage,” leaving her...

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal: Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike? Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death. Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this. On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Takes to Truth Social to Spread ‘Roomer’ About Ron DeSantis

Former president Donald Trump just shared some juicy gossip about Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on his Truth Social platform. Trump posted, “Roomer (sic) are (sic) strong in political circles that Ron DeSanctimonious, whose Presidential run is a shambles, and whose poll numbers have absolutely crashed, putting him 3rd and 4th in some states, will be dropping out of the Presidential race in order to run, in Florida, against Rick Scott for Senate. Now that’s an interesting one, isn’t it?” Gee, Donald Trump spreading “roomers?” Say it ain’t so! Now, me thinks perhaps that prestigious Wharton School of Business Trump attended might want to consider adding some basic 3rd-grade spelling classes to its curriculum. Apparently, Trump is stalled at that level of language development where he is still spelling words phonetically. Why his poor spelling makes him look like a real “looser.” Frankly, I’m not sure its a wise choice for Republicans to choose ...

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