Poll Finds 23% of Republicans Believe Satan-Worshipping Pedophiles are Running the Government

Poll Finds 23% of Republicans Believe Satan-Worshipping Pedophiles are Running the Government: A new poll conducted by the Public Religion Research Institute found that an alarming 23 percent of Republicans polled said they agree with the QAnon conspiracy theory’s core belief that “government, media, and financial worlds are controlled by a group of Satan-worshipping pedophiles who run a sex-trafficking operation.”

Now, wait a minute! You’re telling me these folks actually believe the government is still being controlled by “satan worshipping pedophiles?” Well sure, maybe before - but not since Trump lost the election. I mean, everyone knows that Trump and Matt Gaetz had to move all that activity back down to Mar-a-Lago as soon as Trump had to vacate the White House.

Of course, the sad fact is, while most of us are astonished anyone could actually believe any of this nonsense, Trump supporters are apparently still treating QAnon theory as “prophecy.” Let’s be honest here, and admit that what this poll is really telling us, is that approximately 23% of Republican voters are actually dumber than a bag full of ball-peen hammers - only they’re not nearly as useful.

After all, let’s not forget that folks like insurrectionist Ashli Babbitt died because of her belief in bogus QAnon conspiracies, or that QAnon cultist Roseanne Boyland was trampled to death January 6th, while actually carrying a flag that read "Don't Tread on Me.” Although, I’m quite sure the irony of that would be completely lost on any Trump supporter.

Anyway, speaking of studies about Trump loyalists, I happened upon a couple of them myself. Like the one recently conducted by DeltaDental, which found that 87% of Trump supporters are mad as hell that the “tooth fairy” refuses to pay up when a tooth is lost due to meth use, or another study that found 58% of Trump supporters would be OK with Matt Gaetz babysitting their daughter, just as long as he didn’t drink up all the beer in their refrigerator.

So, what can we take away from all of this polling? Now, I believe that the obvious takeaway here would be about the “whores” of meth addiction. Of course, we’ve all known for quite some time about the damage that meth can do to the human brain, but until recently, we had no idea that that damage could be so severe - that it could make you vote Republican.

Johnny Robish Comedy

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