Poll Finds 23% of Republicans Believe Satan-Worshipping Pedophiles are Running the Government

Poll Finds 23% of Republicans Believe Satan-Worshipping Pedophiles are Running the Government: A new poll conducted by the Public Religion Research Institute found that an alarming 23 percent of Republicans polled said they agree with the QAnon conspiracy theory’s core belief that “government, media, and financial worlds are controlled by a group of Satan-worshipping pedophiles who run a sex-trafficking operation.”

Now, wait a minute! You’re telling me these folks actually believe the government is still being controlled by “satan worshipping pedophiles?” Well sure, maybe before - but not since Trump lost the election. I mean, everyone knows that Trump and Matt Gaetz had to move all that activity back down to Mar-a-Lago as soon as Trump had to vacate the White House.

Of course, the sad fact is, while most of us are astonished anyone could actually believe any of this nonsense, Trump supporters are apparently still treating QAnon theory as “prophecy.” Let’s be honest here, and admit that what this poll is really telling us, is that approximately 23% of Republican voters are actually dumber than a bag full of ball-peen hammers - only they’re not nearly as useful.

After all, let’s not forget that folks like insurrectionist Ashli Babbitt died because of her belief in bogus QAnon conspiracies, or that QAnon cultist Roseanne Boyland was trampled to death January 6th, while actually carrying a flag that read "Don't Tread on Me.” Although, I’m quite sure the irony of that would be completely lost on any Trump supporter.

Anyway, speaking of studies about Trump loyalists, I happened upon a couple of them myself. Like the one recently conducted by DeltaDental, which found that 87% of Trump supporters are mad as hell that the “tooth fairy” refuses to pay up when a tooth is lost due to meth use, or another study that found 58% of Trump supporters would be OK with Matt Gaetz babysitting their daughter, just as long as he didn’t drink up all the beer in their refrigerator.

So, what can we take away from all of this polling? Now, I believe that the obvious takeaway here would be about the “whores” of meth addiction. Of course, we’ve all known for quite some time about the damage that meth can do to the human brain, but until recently, we had no idea that that damage could be so severe - that it could make you vote Republican.

Johnny Robish Comedy

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GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold: Rep. Justin Amash (R-Mich.), has become the first Republican congressman to publicly state that, based on the Mueller Report - the President “engaged in impeachable conduct.” Rep. Amash further added that Attorney General Barr “deliberately misrepresented” the Mueller Report’s findings to congress and to the American public. Oh boy! One can only imagine the 3 AM tweet storm that’s gonna emanate from Trump’s porcelain throne over this level of betrayal. I’ll tell you another thing, disloyalty of this magnitude to the Cult of Trump isn’t likely to set well in America’s trailer parks either. But then again, what else is new? After all, Republicans have never viewed reality as being in their best interests. Now, I have no idea how all this is gonna finally go down, but I do know one thing - Justin Amash is definitely not gonna get an invite to Donald Trump's next wedding....

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy

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Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone: Speaking at a recent conference, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari denied claims that he had died and been replaced by a Sudanese impostor or a clone, breaking his silence on a rumor that has been circulating on social media for months. Wait a minute, I think I saw that movie - “ Weekend at Muhammadu’s. ” And, if I remember correctly - wasn’t it was a Sudanese actor who played the lead? Who do they think they’re kidding anyway? After all, I wasn’t born yesterday! Now, of course, I’m sitting out here in California - so I have no sure-fire way to confirm or deny all these rumors, but I do know one thing - if you can’t believe Nigerian e-mails and social media posts, what the hell can you believe? https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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