Scientists have just announced that a massive fossilized skull found in China - considered to be at least 140,000 years old - is a “new species” of ancient human which they are labeling as “Dragon Man.” Researchers say this finding could potentially change prevailing views of how and even where Homo Sapiens evolved.
OK fine, but that still doesn’t explain anything about those roughly 74 million Trump voters from the past election. Paleoanthropologists admit they still don’t have a clue as to what species these knuckle-draggers may belong. I mean, one of them even showed up at the Capitol last Jan 6th - wearing animal hides and horns on his head. Now, if I understand everything correctly, this means “Trumpers” not only existed prior to 2015, but may also date as far back as 140,000 years ago. I’ll tell ya, these scientists definitely have their work cut out for them - if they wanna try and identify these freaks.
Meanwhile, researchers report that while Dragon Man’s upper jaw is quite similar to other homo species of the era, it most likely lacked a chin. Lacked a chin? Good grief, could they have possibly stumbled upon a rare specimen of the species known as - Homo sapiens MitchMcConn-athauls? Why, descendants of this species are not only known to still be alive and well, but are also currently well-positioned to tie-up any meaningful legislation brought before the United States Congress.
Anyway, scientists say they were able to conclude that this is an entirely new species, because the specimen was so “well-preserved.” You bet it is, and the damn creature is over a 140,000 years old too! Why, I know guys in their 50s, who don’t look half as good as that. Of course, the question evangelicals want answered is - could this possibly be the infamous “Adam” - of Adan and Eve fame? Well. who knows? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see if any old fig leaves are found laying around the area - before anyone can say for sure.
Comments
Post a Comment