Trump Gave Keynote Speech to a Moonie Cult Conference on 9-11 Anniversary

Rather than participate like other presidents in ceremonies around the 20th anniversary of the 9-11 terrorist attacks, former President Donald Trump instead chose to give the keynote speech at a “Unification Church” conference (aka the Moonie cult), heaping praise on Hak Ja Han Moon, widow of Reverend Sun Myung Moon - the cult’s founder. The “Moonie cult” is known for its extreme right-wing politics, appreciation of AR-15 assault rifles, ownership of the conservative Washington Times newspaper, and its mass weddings of thousands of couples - all selected and paired together by the Unification Church.

Good grief! Forgive me for getting so emotional, but it kind of warms the heart to witness two very prominent cult leaders, praising each other like this. Why, the Moonies even sent a whole contingent of folks to President Trump’s Jan 6th insurrection and coup attempt at the US Capitol earlier this year. Talk about “feeling the love!”

And, to be completely honest, you have to give the guy credit. Donald Trump is the kind of guy who is willing to pay tribute to some of the great cult leaders who came before him. You know, folks like Jim Jones, David Koresh, Marshall Applewhite of the Heaven’s Gate Cult, and the Rev. Sun Myung Moon.

Fun Fact: all these cult leaders appear to have even had product endorsement deals - Jim Jones (Grape Kool-Aid), David Koresh (Gun Manufacturers), Marshall Applewhite of Heaven’s Gate (Nike sneakers), and the Moonies (AR-15s). Now, as for the mass weddings - well, I’m sure the Scientologists are like, “now, why the hell didn’t didn't we think of that?”

Anyway, so now Trump’s doing commentary for a bogus pay-per-view fight, and a keynote speech for the Moonie cult? Gee, it’s almost as if he’s really desperate for cash. How long can it be before “Trump Holy Water“ hits the market? You Laugh? Then just ask yourself, how often can you save your soul and quench your thirst - all at the same time? Just let that set in for a minute!

Johnny Robish Comedy

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Sen. Katie Britt Blames Biden for a Rape 20 Years Ago in Mexico

During what many are calling an absolutely insane rebuttal to President Biden’s “State of the Union” address, Sen. Katie Boyd Britt (R-Ala.), walked onto a studio sound stage (set up like an upper-middle-class kitchen) and began to link a harrowing account of a young woman’s sex trafficking and rape by a Mexican drug cartel, to Joe Biden’s immigration policies of the 2020s. She did this even though the abuse happened nearly 20 years ago and in Mexico - and at a time when Republican George W. Bush was president, not Joe Biden. The girl about whom Sen. Britt spoke - was thrown out of her house by her mother at age 12 and eventually “fell prey to a professional pimp.” There is no evidence that she was ever held by a drug cartel, as Katie claimed. In addition, the young victim testified that most of her clients for prostitution were foreigners visiting Mexico to have sex with underage girls. Okay, so now let me get this straight. A young Mexican fema...

White House Calls Trump Property the Perfect G7 Meeting Location

White House Calls Trump Property the Perfect G7 Meeting Location: The White House and President Trump are raising eyebrows once again after they selected Donald Trump’s National Doral Resort Hotel as the “perfect location” for the next G7 summit while also suggesting President Trump plans to re-invite Russian President Vladimir Putin to the meeting. Well gee-whiz, what a lucky break for the Trump Resorts. I mean, who knew there was no other place in the entire United States that would be appropriate to hold a G7 summit other than a Trump property? Imagine that! Of course, at the rate Trump has been betraying all our friends and allies, by the time this conference actually rolls around - my guess is it’s likely only gonna be a G2 summit - with just Trump and Putin in attendance! https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Claims Bahamas are Full of Bad Gang Members

Trump Claims Bahamas are Full of Bad Gang Members: President Trump shocked reporters by telling them that he is hesitant to allow any Bahamians to enter the US after Hurricane Dorian, because the island is full of "bad gang members.” Right, “bad gang members.” That’s as opposed to all the “good gang members” who follow him. You know, like the KKK, the neo-Nazis and all those white-supremacist militia gangs. But come on, if Trump really thought that there’s all these “bad guys” roaming around in the Bahamas, you’d think he’d have invited them to meet with him at Camp David by now. That said, my guess is that about the only thing Donald Trump actually knows about the Bahamas is that it’s surrounded bigly, by a Yuge bunch of water. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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