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Ohio Doctor Claims Vaccines Are a Plot To Turn Us Into Rabid Transhumanoids

Ohio osteopathic doctor Sherri Tenpenny, who Republicans called as an “expert witness” in a June 2021 hearing of the Ohio House Health Committee where she promoted a false claim about COVID-19 vaccines causing people to become magnetized so metal objects will stick to their bodies, is now claiming “COVID vaccines are made up of nanoparticles, which turn people into a ‘rabid transhumanist cyborgs,’ manipulated externally by 5G and magnets through quantum entanglement.”  


Sadly, shortly after Dr. Tenpenny’s appearance before the Ohio House, she was forced to retain legal counsel because the Health Committee became alarmed and warned Ohio’s medical board that she was in need of “psychiatric evaluation.”  A psychiatric evaluation?  Gee, I wonder why?  Seems people just don’t get what folks like Dr. Tenpenny are going through.  Oh, the horrors!  


As if all the battles Dr. Tenpenny and her MAGA pals fought over “transexuals” using public bathrooms wasn’t enough, now these poor folks gotta try and wrap their tiny little MAGA minds around which bathrooms they should allow “transhumanists” to use?  I mean, who wants some “rabid transhumanist cyborg” using the bathroom stall right next to you, while broadcasting it all over a 5G network through quantum entanglement?   Why, it’s no wonder so many MAGAs are crying out “please, please, Mr. Trump - make it all stop!”


Why, it’s almost as if those members of the Ohio House Health Committee think a “Tenpenny opinion” isn’t worth a “plug nickel.”  They probably believe when it comes to sanity, Tenpenny has been shortchanged.  And, these rabid quantum entanglements?  Why, I can just hear those snide, condescending libtards suggesting Tenpenny wouldn’t even have this “transhumanist cyborg problem” if she’d just stop staying up all night watching that damn Sci-Fi channel - high on Crystal Meth.”  


Of course, the real arch-villain in this diabolical plot is none other than the right-wing’s favorite high-tech Bond villain - multi-billionaire Bill Gates.  Now, what I’d like to know is - after we all become “rabid transhumanist cyborgs,” just what the hell does Tenpenny think Gates is gonna do with us anyway?  I mean, does she think Gates is gonna force us all to buy tons of Microsoft products, so he’ll end up becoming filthy rich?  I hate to rain on her parade, but I’m pretty sure - that ship has already sailed.  


Also, are these 5G connections I got with my Pfizer shots gonna be covered through my health insurance, or is it gonna get tacked on to my cell phone bill?  Insane minds want to know.  Why, if these snotty “sciency” types knew anything about “doing your own independent research,” they might realize Dr. Tenpenny may actually have something there - possibly “paranoid schizophrenia.”  I mean, let’s face it folks, you know you’re pretty far out there - when even the QAnon folks are thinking “this mother f**ker’s nuts!”


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