Skip to main content

Ohio Doctor Claims Vaccines Are a Plot To Turn Us Into Rabid Transhumanoids

Ohio osteopathic doctor Sherri Tenpenny, who Republicans called as an “expert witness” in a June 2021 hearing of the Ohio House Health Committee where she promoted a false claim about COVID-19 vaccines causing people to become magnetized so metal objects will stick to their bodies, is now claiming “COVID vaccines are made up of nanoparticles, which turn people into a ‘rabid transhumanist cyborgs,’ manipulated externally by 5G and magnets through quantum entanglement.”  


Sadly, shortly after Dr. Tenpenny’s appearance before the Ohio House, she was forced to retain legal counsel because the Health Committee became alarmed and warned Ohio’s medical board that she was in need of “psychiatric evaluation.”  A psychiatric evaluation?  Gee, I wonder why?  Seems people just don’t get what folks like Dr. Tenpenny are going through.  Oh, the horrors!  


As if all the battles Dr. Tenpenny and her MAGA pals fought over “transexuals” using public bathrooms wasn’t enough, now these poor folks gotta try and wrap their tiny little MAGA minds around which bathrooms they should allow “transhumanists” to use?  I mean, who wants some “rabid transhumanist cyborg” using the bathroom stall right next to you, while broadcasting it all over a 5G network through quantum entanglement?   Why, it’s no wonder so many MAGAs are crying out “please, please, Mr. Trump - make it all stop!”


Why, it’s almost as if those members of the Ohio House Health Committee think a “Tenpenny opinion” isn’t worth a “plug nickel.”  They probably believe when it comes to sanity, Tenpenny has been shortchanged.  And, these rabid quantum entanglements?  Why, I can just hear those snide, condescending libtards suggesting Tenpenny wouldn’t even have this “transhumanist cyborg problem” if she’d just stop staying up all night watching that damn Sci-Fi channel - high on Crystal Meth.”  


Of course, the real arch-villain in this diabolical plot is none other than the right-wing’s favorite high-tech Bond villain - multi-billionaire Bill Gates.  Now, what I’d like to know is - after we all become “rabid transhumanist cyborgs,” just what the hell does Tenpenny think Gates is gonna do with us anyway?  I mean, does she think Gates is gonna force us all to buy tons of Microsoft products, so he’ll end up becoming filthy rich?  I hate to rain on her parade, but I’m pretty sure - that ship has already sailed.  


Also, are these 5G connections I got with my Pfizer shots gonna be covered through my health insurance, or is it gonna get tacked on to my cell phone bill?  Insane minds want to know.  Why, if these snotty “sciency” types knew anything about “doing your own independent research,” they might realize Dr. Tenpenny may actually have something there - possibly “paranoid schizophrenia.”  I mean, let’s face it folks, you know you’re pretty far out there - when even the QAnon folks are thinking “this mother f**ker’s nuts!”


If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:

Johnny Robish Comedy

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Marjorie Taylor Greene Claims Pete Buttigieg Emasculating Driving With Electric Cars

During a segment on Neil Cavuto’s Fox News program, US Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg was told by the host that Marjorie Taylor Greene is claiming "Mr. Buttigieg is trying to emasculate the way we drive" by supporting electric vehicles.  In response, Buttigieg told Cavuto that “my sense of manhood is not connected to whether my vehicle is fueled by gasoline, or whether it's fueled by electricity.”  When asked by Cavuto if he was offended by what Greene said, Buttigieg remarked "To be honest, there are other members of Congress that I pay more attention to when I'm thinking about opinions that really matter.” Oh, come on now!  Let’s get real.  It would take a helluva lot more than an electric car to “emasculate” Marjorie Taylor Greene.  Besides, I’m pretty sure “real men” actually ride horses, anyway.  Of course, I’m certainly no psychiatrist, but it sounds like Greene’s anger could be a combination of both “road rage” and “roid rage,” leaving her...

Trump Takes to Truth Social to Spread ‘Roomer’ About Ron DeSantis

Former president Donald Trump just shared some juicy gossip about Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on his Truth Social platform.   Trump posted, “Roomer (sic) are (sic) strong in political circles that Ron DeSanctimonious, whose Presidential run is a shambles, and whose poll numbers have absolutely crashed, putting him 3rd and 4th in some states, will be dropping out of the Presidential race in order to run, in Florida, against Rick Scott for Senate.   Now that’s an interesting one, isn’t it?” Gee, Donald Trump spreading “roomers?”  Say it ain’t so!   Now, me thinks perhaps that prestigious Wharton School of Business Trump attended might want to consider adding some basic 3rd-grade spelling classes to its curriculum.   Apparently, Trump is stalled at that level of language development where he is still spelling words phonetically.   Why his poor spelling makes him look like a real “looser.”   Frankly, I’m not sure its a wise choice for Republicans to choose ...

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal:   Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike?  Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death.  Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this.   On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com