Newsmax Host Claims Trump ‘Accidentally’ Butt-Dialed Jan 6th Witness

At the close of the Jan. 6th hearings for Tuesday, Rep. Liz Cheney unleashed “yet another bombshell” when she revealed that former President Donald Trump tried to phone a witness who hadn’t yet appeared to testify, which has serious witness tampering implications. In response, Newsmax host Greg Kelly claims that Trump wasn’t actually trying to contact the witness, and probably accidentally butt-dialed the witness’ number.

Now, I have no idea whether Newsmax host Kelly’s butt-dialing claim is true or not, but I will be the first to admit that Trump certainly has a butt made for “butt-dialing.” Why, word has it that just by sitting down, he’s been known to make at least a dozen phone calls. Besides, we all know the former president is famous for talking out of his ass. In fact, IT guys say his ass is actually large enough to have its own area code. Wonder if “666” is already taken?

Meanwhile, rumors have been circulating that the voice over the phone was heard saying “this is Donald Trump's butt calling. Please standby for the asshole.” Of course, we need to get serious here. It couldn’t have really been Donald Trump’s butt doing the calling, because simple logic tells you that if it actually had been Trump’s butt calling - every damn phone on the entire East Coast would have rung simultaneously.

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Sen. Katie Britt Blames Biden for a Rape 20 Years Ago in Mexico

During what many are calling an absolutely insane rebuttal to President Biden’s “State of the Union” address, Sen. Katie Boyd Britt (R-Ala.), walked onto a studio sound stage (set up like an upper-middle-class kitchen) and began to link a harrowing account of a young woman’s sex trafficking and rape by a Mexican drug cartel, to Joe Biden’s immigration policies of the 2020s. She did this even though the abuse happened nearly 20 years ago and in Mexico - and at a time when Republican George W. Bush was president, not Joe Biden. The girl about whom Sen. Britt spoke - was thrown out of her house by her mother at age 12 and eventually “fell prey to a professional pimp.” There is no evidence that she was ever held by a drug cartel, as Katie claimed. In addition, the young victim testified that most of her clients for prostitution were foreigners visiting Mexico to have sex with underage girls. Okay, so now let me get this straight. A young Mexican fema...

White House Calls Trump Property the Perfect G7 Meeting Location

White House Calls Trump Property the Perfect G7 Meeting Location: The White House and President Trump are raising eyebrows once again after they selected Donald Trump’s National Doral Resort Hotel as the “perfect location” for the next G7 summit while also suggesting President Trump plans to re-invite Russian President Vladimir Putin to the meeting. Well gee-whiz, what a lucky break for the Trump Resorts. I mean, who knew there was no other place in the entire United States that would be appropriate to hold a G7 summit other than a Trump property? Imagine that! Of course, at the rate Trump has been betraying all our friends and allies, by the time this conference actually rolls around - my guess is it’s likely only gonna be a G2 summit - with just Trump and Putin in attendance! https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Claims Bahamas are Full of Bad Gang Members

Trump Claims Bahamas are Full of Bad Gang Members: President Trump shocked reporters by telling them that he is hesitant to allow any Bahamians to enter the US after Hurricane Dorian, because the island is full of "bad gang members.” Right, “bad gang members.” That’s as opposed to all the “good gang members” who follow him. You know, like the KKK, the neo-Nazis and all those white-supremacist militia gangs. But come on, if Trump really thought that there’s all these “bad guys” roaming around in the Bahamas, you’d think he’d have invited them to meet with him at Camp David by now. That said, my guess is that about the only thing Donald Trump actually knows about the Bahamas is that it’s surrounded bigly, by a Yuge bunch of water. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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