Newsmax Host Claims Trump ‘Accidentally’ Butt-Dialed Jan 6th Witness

At the close of the Jan. 6th hearings for Tuesday, Rep. Liz Cheney unleashed “yet another bombshell” when she revealed that former President Donald Trump tried to phone a witness who hadn’t yet appeared to testify, which has serious witness tampering implications. In response, Newsmax host Greg Kelly claims that Trump wasn’t actually trying to contact the witness, and probably accidentally butt-dialed the witness’ number.

Now, I have no idea whether Newsmax host Kelly’s butt-dialing claim is true or not, but I will be the first to admit that Trump certainly has a butt made for “butt-dialing.” Why, word has it that just by sitting down, he’s been known to make at least a dozen phone calls. Besides, we all know the former president is famous for talking out of his ass. In fact, IT guys say his ass is actually large enough to have its own area code. Wonder if “666” is already taken?

Meanwhile, rumors have been circulating that the voice over the phone was heard saying “this is Donald Trump's butt calling. Please standby for the asshole.” Of course, we need to get serious here. It couldn’t have really been Donald Trump’s butt doing the calling, because simple logic tells you that if it actually had been Trump’s butt calling - every damn phone on the entire East Coast would have rung simultaneously.

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Trump Takes to Truth Social to Spread ‘Roomer’ About Ron DeSantis

Former president Donald Trump just shared some juicy gossip about Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on his Truth Social platform. Trump posted, “Roomer (sic) are (sic) strong in political circles that Ron DeSanctimonious, whose Presidential run is a shambles, and whose poll numbers have absolutely crashed, putting him 3rd and 4th in some states, will be dropping out of the Presidential race in order to run, in Florida, against Rick Scott for Senate. Now that’s an interesting one, isn’t it?” Gee, Donald Trump spreading “roomers?” Say it ain’t so! Now, me thinks perhaps that prestigious Wharton School of Business Trump attended might want to consider adding some basic 3rd-grade spelling classes to its curriculum. Apparently, Trump is stalled at that level of language development where he is still spelling words phonetically. Why his poor spelling makes him look like a real “looser.” Frankly, I’m not sure its a wise choice for Republicans to choose ...

Anti-Vax Newsmax Host Says Diseases are Supposed to Kill People

Conservative network Newsmax has been forced to “distance itself” from remarks uttered by host Rob Schmitt this week, who claimed that vaccines go "against nature" because diseases are "supposed to wipe out a certain amount of people,” and that vaccinations “unnaturally interfere with viruses' designs on killing people.” Wow, kinda looks like the “Schmitt” has really hit the fan over at Newsmax. So, they want to “distance” themselves from Schmitt’s remarks, do they? Gee, makes you wonder if the morons who run Newsmax know they actually have the option not hire anti-science nitwits like Schmitt as anchors in the first place? Not to worry though, should Schmitt get fired, I'm sure folks like Kevin McCarthy or Rand Paul would warmly welcome him to become part of their staffs. Of course, the truth is, what Schmitt is really promoting is “Social Darwinism.” Given that, I assume by the same logic he applies to vaccines, one may conclude that by warning people ...

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal: Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike? Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death. Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this. On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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