Skip to main content

Russian Chess-Playing Robot Breaks 7-Year-Old Opponent’s Finger


A chess-playing robot in Russia created quite a controversy while playing a 7-year-old opponent, a child who is one of the top youth chess competitors in Moscow.  The computer apparently became flustered during the match because its human opponent was playing too rapidly - so it reached out and grabbed the youngster's finger, snapping and breaking it.  Organizers as well as the computer manufacturer claim the boy acted too quickly after the robot's move, which caused the machine to “fail to reset.”

Gee, you mean to tell me the friggin’ machine broke the kid’s finger because it “failed to reset?”  I mean, who the hell programmed that computer anyway - Tonya Harding?  Why, it’s a damn shame there wasn’t a “good computer with a gun” anywhere nearby.  All I can say is, while the damn thing was busy “resetting itself,” how about resetting the poor kid’s finger too?  Now, I hate to be a “robot shamer,” but that seems like the least it could do.  


Of course, Fox News was quick to speculate that this “vindictive chess-playing computer,” just might have been Hunter Biden’s missing laptop.  Not surprisingly, the robot went on to claim that “the game was rigged,” and that it has “won more chess matches than any player in the history of chess.”  Meanwhile, the robot was like “Well, well, well - I guess the little brat won’t be making that chess move again any time soon.  Next time, I’ll break two fingers!”

 

I mean, only Putin’s Russia would design a computer robot - with a “mean streak” built into it.  Wonder what the damn thing is called anyway, the Putin 2000?  That said, I think there’s a valuable lesson for parents to learn here, and that is “don't buy Russian chess robots for your children.”  Hell, given this robot’s performance, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if they don’t send this finger-breaking robot straight to the front lines in Ukraine.


Now, is it just me, or do robots seem to have no manners anymore?  Why, I can remember when they were perfectly happy to assemble cars without pay, breaks, or vacations.  Word has it, the next model (the Putin 3000) will even be able to strangle its opponents.  That said, I have to admit my last computer did beat me pretty handily at chess, but the damn thing lost right away - when we tried our hand at kickboxing.  So there is hope.


If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:

Johnny Robish Comedy

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Marjorie Taylor Greene Claims Pete Buttigieg Emasculating Driving With Electric Cars

During a segment on Neil Cavuto’s Fox News program, US Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg was told by the host that Marjorie Taylor Greene is claiming "Mr. Buttigieg is trying to emasculate the way we drive" by supporting electric vehicles.  In response, Buttigieg told Cavuto that “my sense of manhood is not connected to whether my vehicle is fueled by gasoline, or whether it's fueled by electricity.”  When asked by Cavuto if he was offended by what Greene said, Buttigieg remarked "To be honest, there are other members of Congress that I pay more attention to when I'm thinking about opinions that really matter.” Oh, come on now!  Let’s get real.  It would take a helluva lot more than an electric car to “emasculate” Marjorie Taylor Greene.  Besides, I’m pretty sure “real men” actually ride horses, anyway.  Of course, I’m certainly no psychiatrist, but it sounds like Greene’s anger could be a combination of both “road rage” and “roid rage,” leaving her...

Spa Founder Sold Chinese Businessmen Access to President Trump

Spa Founder Sold Chinese Businessmen Access to President Trump:   Just days after it was reported that the former owner and founder of the infamous Florida day spa busted in a high-profile prostitution ring attended President Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Super Bowl party, a new report has surfaced that the same Li Yang is also running a company that sells Chinese clients access to President Trump and members of his administration.           Which may be true, but word on the street has it that a lot of customers are quite upset after they paid extra for the “Presidential Package” - only to discover just how puny that package really is.   Of course, spa owner Li Yang will argue that she was simply trying to offer Trump and his Chinese business partners a “helping hand.”  Very slick!  I mean, these are the kind of schemes that I bet would make even John Gotti envious. Well, Trump did promise during the campaign that he would run the count...

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal:   Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike?  Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death.  Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this.   On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com