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Russian Chess-Playing Robot Breaks 7-Year-Old Opponent’s Finger


A chess-playing robot in Russia created quite a controversy while playing a 7-year-old opponent, a child who is one of the top youth chess competitors in Moscow.  The computer apparently became flustered during the match because its human opponent was playing too rapidly - so it reached out and grabbed the youngster's finger, snapping and breaking it.  Organizers as well as the computer manufacturer claim the boy acted too quickly after the robot's move, which caused the machine to “fail to reset.”

Gee, you mean to tell me the friggin’ machine broke the kid’s finger because it “failed to reset?”  I mean, who the hell programmed that computer anyway - Tonya Harding?  Why, it’s a damn shame there wasn’t a “good computer with a gun” anywhere nearby.  All I can say is, while the damn thing was busy “resetting itself,” how about resetting the poor kid’s finger too?  Now, I hate to be a “robot shamer,” but that seems like the least it could do.  


Of course, Fox News was quick to speculate that this “vindictive chess-playing computer,” just might have been Hunter Biden’s missing laptop.  Not surprisingly, the robot went on to claim that “the game was rigged,” and that it has “won more chess matches than any player in the history of chess.”  Meanwhile, the robot was like “Well, well, well - I guess the little brat won’t be making that chess move again any time soon.  Next time, I’ll break two fingers!”

 

I mean, only Putin’s Russia would design a computer robot - with a “mean streak” built into it.  Wonder what the damn thing is called anyway, the Putin 2000?  That said, I think there’s a valuable lesson for parents to learn here, and that is “don't buy Russian chess robots for your children.”  Hell, given this robot’s performance, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if they don’t send this finger-breaking robot straight to the front lines in Ukraine.


Now, is it just me, or do robots seem to have no manners anymore?  Why, I can remember when they were perfectly happy to assemble cars without pay, breaks, or vacations.  Word has it, the next model (the Putin 3000) will even be able to strangle its opponents.  That said, I have to admit my last computer did beat me pretty handily at chess, but the damn thing lost right away - when we tried our hand at kickboxing.  So there is hope.


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