Skip to main content

Gubernatorial Candidate Mastriano Would Outlaw ‘Pole Dancing’ In Pennsylvania Schools


At a recent campaign event, Trump-backed Pennsylvania Republican gubernatorial candidate Doug Mastriano told a wildly enthusiastic crowd that after he is elected, he would immediately ban Critical Race Theory, remove all the graphic pornographic books, and eliminate pole dancing from Pennsylvania’s elementary schools.  Mastriano made these claims, in spite of the fact that there is no evidence whatsoever any of these things even exist in Pennsylvania’s school system. 

Gee, I think someone should probably tell Doug Mastriano that all those “Hot Teacher” porn videos on the internet - aren’t actually real.  Not to be critical, but maybe it’s about time his staffers think about canceling his Pornhub subscription.  I mean, just because Mastriano happens to be way behind in the “poles,” doesn’t mean he should take it out on “pole dancers!”  Besides, what’s wrong with Polish people dancing, anyway?    


Frankly, that makes me wonder if “pole dancing” is currently the prerequisite for “lap dancing” in the Pennsylvania school system?  Of course, I haven’t seen a class syllabus, so I’m just guessing.  Anyway, what I find odd is Mastriano says he’ll allow no more graphic pornographic images in Pennsylvania schools, because that would basically mean no pics of Melania Trump could be displayed.     


That said, who can blame Republicans for promising to protect us from things that aren’t actually real?  After all, it's much easier to campaign against a threat that doesn’t really exist, than something that does.  That way, if you ever do happen to get elected, you’ll never actually have to do something about it, because there's nothing to do anything about.  Mark my words, if Mastriano is allowed to ban pole dancing, strip poker could be next.  


Ironically, Mastriano’s campaign slogan is "Walk as Free People!”  Of course, the slogan’s fine print does have a disclaimer that reads “Offer does not apply to Jews, Muslims, women, people of color, the LBGTQ+ community, immigrants, vegetarians, wiseacre elites with smartypants degrees, and people who have house cats.”  Now, I think about the only question voters need answered is, could Doug Mastriano - actually be dumber than Herschel Walker?


If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:

Johnny Robish Comedy

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Marjorie Taylor Greene Claims Pete Buttigieg Emasculating Driving With Electric Cars

During a segment on Neil Cavuto’s Fox News program, US Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg was told by the host that Marjorie Taylor Greene is claiming "Mr. Buttigieg is trying to emasculate the way we drive" by supporting electric vehicles.  In response, Buttigieg told Cavuto that “my sense of manhood is not connected to whether my vehicle is fueled by gasoline, or whether it's fueled by electricity.”  When asked by Cavuto if he was offended by what Greene said, Buttigieg remarked "To be honest, there are other members of Congress that I pay more attention to when I'm thinking about opinions that really matter.” Oh, come on now!  Let’s get real.  It would take a helluva lot more than an electric car to “emasculate” Marjorie Taylor Greene.  Besides, I’m pretty sure “real men” actually ride horses, anyway.  Of course, I’m certainly no psychiatrist, but it sounds like Greene’s anger could be a combination of both “road rage” and “roid rage,” leaving her...

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal:   Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike?  Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death.  Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this.   On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Takes to Truth Social to Spread ‘Roomer’ About Ron DeSantis

Former president Donald Trump just shared some juicy gossip about Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on his Truth Social platform.   Trump posted, “Roomer (sic) are (sic) strong in political circles that Ron DeSanctimonious, whose Presidential run is a shambles, and whose poll numbers have absolutely crashed, putting him 3rd and 4th in some states, will be dropping out of the Presidential race in order to run, in Florida, against Rick Scott for Senate.   Now that’s an interesting one, isn’t it?” Gee, Donald Trump spreading “roomers?”  Say it ain’t so!   Now, me thinks perhaps that prestigious Wharton School of Business Trump attended might want to consider adding some basic 3rd-grade spelling classes to its curriculum.   Apparently, Trump is stalled at that level of language development where he is still spelling words phonetically.   Why his poor spelling makes him look like a real “looser.”   Frankly, I’m not sure its a wise choice for Republicans to choose ...