Trump Announces His 2024 Candidacy for ‘President for Life’

Former president Donald Trump announced he will run again for president in 2024 during a rather low-key speech at his Mar-a-Lago estate in Palm Beach, Fla. The twice-impeached former president has been eager to declare his candidacy, hoping to get ahead of likely rivals, not to mention potential criminal charges as well. Historians point out that a defeated former president running for election while facing potential criminal indictments - is completely unprecedented in U.S. history.

Well, folks…the circus is back in town! Hey, wait a minute! No gold-plated escalator this time? And where was all his energy? Why it’s almost as if he's not really taking this seriously. Now, is it just me, or did Trump’s announcement have kind of a “Weekend At Bernie’s" feel to it? I mean, is Trump really running, or does he just have the runs? The poor guy looks like he hasn't slept in weeks! And his speech sounded more like a “criminal defense strategy,” not an announcement of a presidential bid.

Meanwhile, in related news, even though it isn’t spring, the “Punxsutawney Groundhog” decided to emerge from his den on Gobbler's Knob, to predict there will be “one and a half more years of Trump viciously insulting Republicans who don’t support his candidacy.” Perhaps Republicans might be wise to remember that old Biblical passage, “Ye who lives by the Orange Dotard, will die by the Orange Dotard.” That’s always been one of my favorite passages, by the way.

Of course, Trump was quick to imply Biden is no longer mentally capable of handling the job of president. Well, the way I see it, if you’re someone who stared directly into a solar eclipse, suggested injecting bleach as a cure for COVID, claimed the Continental Army “took over the airports” from the British during the American Revolutionary War, and contemplated nuking hurricanes - you’re really in no position to critique anyone else’s mental acuity.

Frankly, I’d sum up his announcement using an old baseball phrase, “There’s no joy in Mar-a-Lago tonight. The mighty Trump has struck out!” So, why would he even try another run with all his legal problems and mid-term losses? Well, let’s not forget that as soon as he announces, the cash donations will start flowing like water. It’s the grift, that keeps on giving. Fact is, Donald’s got mounting legal bills, and Melania wants a new designer handbag.

Now, after those mid-term losses, many in the GOP wish Trump and his sycophants would just go away, but the truth is - the Republican cadre have no one to blame but themselves. You see, they wanted his MAGA cult follower’s votes. He is Team Crazy's captain, after all. Then came Jan. 6th, the day Trump put the “coup” in cuckoo. Try as they will, the GOP will never be able to fully scrape all the Trump off the bottom of their shoes. That is, unless they can somehow find a way to drive a wooden stake through his heart.

If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:

Johnny Robish Comedy

Marjorie Taylor Greene Claims Pete Buttigieg Emasculating Driving With Electric Cars

During a segment on Neil Cavuto’s Fox News program, US Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg was told by the host that Marjorie Taylor Greene is claiming "Mr. Buttigieg is trying to emasculate the way we drive" by supporting electric vehicles. In response, Buttigieg told Cavuto that “my sense of manhood is not connected to whether my vehicle is fueled by gasoline, or whether it's fueled by electricity.” When asked by Cavuto if he was offended by what Greene said, Buttigieg remarked "To be honest, there are other members of Congress that I pay more attention to when I'm thinking about opinions that really matter.” Oh, come on now! Let’s get real. It would take a helluva lot more than an electric car to “emasculate” Marjorie Taylor Greene. Besides, I’m pretty sure “real men” actually ride horses, anyway. Of course, I’m certainly no psychiatrist, but it sounds like Greene’s anger could be a combination of both “road rage” and “roid rage,” leaving her...

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal: Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike? Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death. Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this. On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Takes to Truth Social to Spread ‘Roomer’ About Ron DeSantis

Former president Donald Trump just shared some juicy gossip about Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on his Truth Social platform. Trump posted, “Roomer (sic) are (sic) strong in political circles that Ron DeSanctimonious, whose Presidential run is a shambles, and whose poll numbers have absolutely crashed, putting him 3rd and 4th in some states, will be dropping out of the Presidential race in order to run, in Florida, against Rick Scott for Senate. Now that’s an interesting one, isn’t it?” Gee, Donald Trump spreading “roomers?” Say it ain’t so! Now, me thinks perhaps that prestigious Wharton School of Business Trump attended might want to consider adding some basic 3rd-grade spelling classes to its curriculum. Apparently, Trump is stalled at that level of language development where he is still spelling words phonetically. Why his poor spelling makes him look like a real “looser.” Frankly, I’m not sure its a wise choice for Republicans to choose ...

You've Got to Be Kidding?

Search This Blog