Trump Announces His 2024 Candidacy for ‘President for Life’

Former president Donald Trump announced he will run again for president in 2024 during a rather low-key speech at his Mar-a-Lago estate in Palm Beach, Fla. The twice-impeached former president has been eager to declare his candidacy, hoping to get ahead of likely rivals, not to mention potential criminal charges as well. Historians point out that a defeated former president running for election while facing potential criminal indictments - is completely unprecedented in U.S. history.

Well, folks…the circus is back in town! Hey, wait a minute! No gold-plated escalator this time? And where was all his energy? Why it’s almost as if he's not really taking this seriously. Now, is it just me, or did Trump’s announcement have kind of a “Weekend At Bernie’s" feel to it? I mean, is Trump really running, or does he just have the runs? The poor guy looks like he hasn't slept in weeks! And his speech sounded more like a “criminal defense strategy,” not an announcement of a presidential bid.

Meanwhile, in related news, even though it isn’t spring, the “Punxsutawney Groundhog” decided to emerge from his den on Gobbler's Knob, to predict there will be “one and a half more years of Trump viciously insulting Republicans who don’t support his candidacy.” Perhaps Republicans might be wise to remember that old Biblical passage, “Ye who lives by the Orange Dotard, will die by the Orange Dotard.” That’s always been one of my favorite passages, by the way.

Of course, Trump was quick to imply Biden is no longer mentally capable of handling the job of president. Well, the way I see it, if you’re someone who stared directly into a solar eclipse, suggested injecting bleach as a cure for COVID, claimed the Continental Army “took over the airports” from the British during the American Revolutionary War, and contemplated nuking hurricanes - you’re really in no position to critique anyone else’s mental acuity.

Frankly, I’d sum up his announcement using an old baseball phrase, “There’s no joy in Mar-a-Lago tonight. The mighty Trump has struck out!” So, why would he even try another run with all his legal problems and mid-term losses? Well, let’s not forget that as soon as he announces, the cash donations will start flowing like water. It’s the grift, that keeps on giving. Fact is, Donald’s got mounting legal bills, and Melania wants a new designer handbag.

Now, after those mid-term losses, many in the GOP wish Trump and his sycophants would just go away, but the truth is - the Republican cadre have no one to blame but themselves. You see, they wanted his MAGA cult follower’s votes. He is Team Crazy's captain, after all. Then came Jan. 6th, the day Trump put the “coup” in cuckoo. Try as they will, the GOP will never be able to fully scrape all the Trump off the bottom of their shoes. That is, unless they can somehow find a way to drive a wooden stake through his heart.

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