Fox News Sees National Security Threat in New M&M’s Colors

Recent data is showing that a whopping 1 in 8 Americans experience food insecurity, while $200 billion is being spent on food that will never even be eaten. Meanwhile, and speaking of food, an all-female group of hosts over at Fox News have turned their sharp focus on M&M’S. It seems Mars Wrigley’s M&M’S brand has made the horrifyingly “woke” decision to put out a female-only, special edition offering - featuring Purple, Brown, and Green female M&M’S that appear upside-down on the package - to represent “women everywhere who are flipping the status quo.” Well, don’t think you can slide something so incendiary as that past the clever hosts at Fox News. These smart folks have determined this “female inclusivity scheme” is all part of a dastardly plot conceived with China, cleverly designed to “Keep focusing on giving people their own color M&M’S, while we (China) take over all of the mineral deposits in the entire world.”

Good grief! Thank goodness there are still Fox News hosts around brave enough to alert us about the dire national security consequences of “woke candy.” Who knew the stability of the entire world economy revolves around the choice of colors used in supermarket candy production? Now, I’m certainly no colorist, but I’m guessing the only color acceptable over at Fox, would be “Battleship Gray.” That ought to scare the living hell out of China.

The women hosts were also quite disconcerted that only one of the candy pieces was wearing high heels. Can candy be gay? Anyway, is it just me, or does Fox News seem to worry an awful lot about the sexuality of inanimate objects? Not to be critical, but I can’t help but wonder how many brain cells are being wasted, worrying about such nonsense. Then again, we are talking about Fox News hosts - so, I suppose the answer is “none.”

One thing I do find rather interesting is how Republicans, despite claiming total devotion to capitalism, seem to be eternally baffled by it. I mean, Mars Wrigley is making packaged candy for consumers, not friggin' military technology. But no matter, Fox is selling “Angertainment,” not news. So, now the only question is, how long before MAGA Governors DeSantis and Abbott, try to ban M&Ms from being sold in their states?

If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:

Johnny Robish Comedy

Comments

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold: Rep. Justin Amash (R-Mich.), has become the first Republican congressman to publicly state that, based on the Mueller Report - the President “engaged in impeachable conduct.” Rep. Amash further added that Attorney General Barr “deliberately misrepresented” the Mueller Report’s findings to congress and to the American public. Oh boy! One can only imagine the 3 AM tweet storm that’s gonna emanate from Trump’s porcelain throne over this level of betrayal. I’ll tell you another thing, disloyalty of this magnitude to the Cult of Trump isn’t likely to set well in America’s trailer parks either. But then again, what else is new? After all, Republicans have never viewed reality as being in their best interests. Now, I have no idea how all this is gonna finally go down, but I do know one thing - Justin Amash is definitely not gonna get an invite to Donald Trump's next wedding....

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy: After numerous prophecies of his failed to materialize, resulting in various accusations of lies and fraud, self-described “prophet” and right-wing pastor Hank Kunneman of “One Voice Ministries” warned fellow Christians that they "better be very careful" about criticizing "prophets" like him, because "It's a dangerous place, and some of you might get leprosy.” Wow, leprosy? That’s one helluva threat! Now, while I wasn’t there, my guess is that it all came down something like this - some critic calls out God’s “prophet” Kunneman for his bogus claims, then further challenges him by declaring “You want a piece of me, then come and get it!” Then God gave that critic leprosy - and that “piece of him” just fell right off. Now, on a personal note, I’ve also been a vocal critic of Kunneman’s ministry for a long time now, and I can happily report that I haven’t come down with “leprosy.” Alth...

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone: Speaking at a recent conference, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari denied claims that he had died and been replaced by a Sudanese impostor or a clone, breaking his silence on a rumor that has been circulating on social media for months. Wait a minute, I think I saw that movie - “ Weekend at Muhammadu’s. ” And, if I remember correctly - wasn’t it was a Sudanese actor who played the lead? Who do they think they’re kidding anyway? After all, I wasn’t born yesterday! Now, of course, I’m sitting out here in California - so I have no sure-fire way to confirm or deny all these rumors, but I do know one thing - if you can’t believe Nigerian e-mails and social media posts, what the hell can you believe? https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

You've Got to Be Kidding?

Search This Blog