Fox News Sees National Security Threat in New M&M’s Colors

Recent data is showing that a whopping 1 in 8 Americans experience food insecurity, while $200 billion is being spent on food that will never even be eaten. Meanwhile, and speaking of food, an all-female group of hosts over at Fox News have turned their sharp focus on M&M’S. It seems Mars Wrigley’s M&M’S brand has made the horrifyingly “woke” decision to put out a female-only, special edition offering - featuring Purple, Brown, and Green female M&M’S that appear upside-down on the package - to represent “women everywhere who are flipping the status quo.” Well, don’t think you can slide something so incendiary as that past the clever hosts at Fox News. These smart folks have determined this “female inclusivity scheme” is all part of a dastardly plot conceived with China, cleverly designed to “Keep focusing on giving people their own color M&M’S, while we (China) take over all of the mineral deposits in the entire world.”

Good grief! Thank goodness there are still Fox News hosts around brave enough to alert us about the dire national security consequences of “woke candy.” Who knew the stability of the entire world economy revolves around the choice of colors used in supermarket candy production? Now, I’m certainly no colorist, but I’m guessing the only color acceptable over at Fox, would be “Battleship Gray.” That ought to scare the living hell out of China.

The women hosts were also quite disconcerted that only one of the candy pieces was wearing high heels. Can candy be gay? Anyway, is it just me, or does Fox News seem to worry an awful lot about the sexuality of inanimate objects? Not to be critical, but I can’t help but wonder how many brain cells are being wasted, worrying about such nonsense. Then again, we are talking about Fox News hosts - so, I suppose the answer is “none.”

One thing I do find rather interesting is how Republicans, despite claiming total devotion to capitalism, seem to be eternally baffled by it. I mean, Mars Wrigley is making packaged candy for consumers, not friggin' military technology. But no matter, Fox is selling “Angertainment,” not news. So, now the only question is, how long before MAGA Governors DeSantis and Abbott, try to ban M&Ms from being sold in their states?

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