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The Vatican Announces Pope Benedict Dead at Age 95


The Vatican announced Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI has died at the age of 95.  While Pope Benedict lived longer than anyone who had ever been pope previously, he was also the first pope to abdicate in 600 years.  The ultra-conservative Benedict was ordained in 1951, made a cardinal by Paul VI in 1977, and was seen as a Vatican power broker long before becoming pope.  In fact, he also headed the powerful Vatican body whose purview included sexual abuse cases.  This past year, a German investigation accused Benedict of wrongdoing and coverup in several cases during his time leading the diocese of Munich, from 1977 until 1982.

Upon receiving the news, House Republicans were quick to respond to Pope Benedict’s passing, pointing out that “While Donald Trump was president, we had two popes.  Now, with Sleepy Joe Biden in the White House, we only have one.  Obviously, this is all part of Joe Biden’s War on Christianity.”

Well, I don’t know about all that MAGA Republicans, but I do know one thing - at least the Vatican isn’t gonna bury Benedict on some golf course.  Hell, I’m actually surprised Trump doesn’t declare Mar-a-Lago a church, to try and make the joint tax-exempt.  After all, who can dispute the fact that, like a church, Trump’s got lots and lots of worshippers, and most of them seem willing to pay him a hefty “tithe.”

Anyway, now that the world’s heading into 2023 with only half our allocation of popes, this brings up plenty of questions - like who is the Vatican going to pick up in this year's draft?  Will it be George Santos?  Not to mention, folks have plenty of questions as to why Benedict abdicated in the first place.  Oh well, I'm sure Barbara Walters will have plenty of questions ready for him.  That is, assuming his elevator isn’t headed in the other direction.

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