Right-wing televangelist and former Republican presidential candidate Pat Robertson has finally died at age 93. Born the privileged son of conservative US Senator A. Willis Robertson, Pat Roberson graduated from Yale Law School but made his fortune as a fire-breathing religious grifter. His special talent was blaming all of the world's problems on women, gays, people of color, abortion, and liberals - and then managing to tie all that into his twisted interpretation of the Christian Bible. He recently prayed for the death of Jimmy Carter. Over the years, Robertson racked in millions upon millions of dollars by espousing racist, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, xenophobic, and Islamophobic bigotry over the airwaves for decades on his “700 Club.” Robertson was one of the pivotal reasons the “Christian Right” became central to the Republican coalition, and through his efforts - the hopelessly divided political world we live in today is largely his creation.
Oh, so this is how “God” takes out the garbage? My, my! You mean to tell me that Donald Trump was charged with violating the “Espionage Act” and Pat Robertson croaked - all on the same day? Damn shame, too. He's going to miss the “Pride Parade.” Anyway, all I can say is, “Well done, Grim Reaper!” I mean, how fitting is it that this vile, disgusting LGBTQ+ hater finally “bought the farm” during “Pride Month.”
So, the old fuck, who regularly blamed 911, earthquakes, hurricanes, AIDS, and COVID on feminists, abortion, gays, and liberals - finally died at 93. I guess that means there must be some truth to the old phrase, “Only the good die young.” As some wiseacre once remarked, “If hell were real, Pat Robertson would be hosting the 700-Degree Club right now.” In fact, this Robertson was such a vile creature; you can bet that after seeing him walk through the gates of hell, Satan said, “Excuse me, I gotta take a long shower!”
Interestingly enough, I just noticed that with Robertson’s death, the value of the 700 Club has been marked down, and from this point on will now be known as the 499.95 Club. That said, let’s not get too jubilant over this villain’s demise. After all, this is the type of dude who is just evil enough to somehow figure out a way to come back as a flesh-eating bacteria. As for me, all I can think to say is, “RIP Pat - may you Rust in Piss.”
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