MAGA Terrorist Opens Fire on Native Americans Protesting Conquistador Statue

The Associated Press reports that during a protest organized by Native American advocacy group “The Red Nation” to stop the relocation of a statue of brutal conquistador Juan de Oñate to outside an official county building in northern New Mexico, a 23-year-old man in a red MAGA cap named Ryan Martinez pulled out a gun and opened fire on the crowd, wounding one man. Martinez then fled the scene in a “white Tesla” but was soon apprehended by sheriff's deputies.

Great, so now we have “pro-conquistador” terrorists? Who knew? Now, I’m sure his MAGA attorneys will try and argue that this is all nothing but a “false flag” and that the real perpetrator was a George Soros-financed ANTIFA radical in a MAGA costume. Of course, the success of that defense is a bit of a longshot, given all those cameras Teslas have onboard. Hell, his entire getaway was probably recorded in living color and 4K.

But seriously? A MAGA terrorist actually fled the scene of a right-wing political shooting in a friggin’ Tesla? Guess he must have been in a hurry to meet up with his mom over at Whole Foods. Now, not to be critical, but wouldn’t a white Ford Bronco have been a much better choice for his escape? They seem to have a better track record for police chases than a Tesla. Ironically, after getting arrested in his sweet “Green New Deal Tesla,” Martinez claimed his actions were partly due to the high gas prices at the pump under Joe Biden.

Meanwhile, efforts to reach Elon Musk for comment were unsuccessful, as he was busy down at the Mexican border, espousing GOP anti-immigration narratives over his Twitter “X” platform. No worries - I’m sure as soon as Musk learns of Martinez’s predicament, he’ll offer him free lifetime Supercharger access. As for me, well - I’m pretty sure there’s nothing wrong with young Ryan Martinez - that about 25 years in prison can't fix.

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