Mike Pence Ends His Campaign By Claiming 'This is Not My Time’

After months of struggling to raise money and gain traction in the polls, former Vice President Mike Pence, who began his campaign by implying it was “God’s Will” that he should run for President of the United States, dropped his bid for the Republican presidential nomination by stating “This is not my time.”

Dammit!  and I just bought my Pence bumper sticker too!  That said, Mike - I think you’re right.  This isn’t you’re time.  In fact, I’m pretty sure your time may have passed somewhere around the mid to late 1950s.  Yet, at his Las Vegas announcement, Pence told supporters that with regard to his failed campaign, he “Has no regrets.”  Oh, I’m quite sure he has "no regrets," other than the fact that almost no one in the entire country ever had any intention whatsoever of voting for him.

Well, as Mike and “Mother’s” Good Book might say - “And thus so endeth - the campaign of Mike Pence.”  The funny thing is, for a candidate supposedly so heavily backed by God (talk about some heavy name-dropping), Pence was only able to garner such a tiny amount of supporters that he could have completely dissolved his campaign - not told a single soul about it - and yet no one would have even noticed he was out of the race.

I suppose the strangest thing about this silly charade is that Pence was actually delusional enough to imagine he had even “a snowball’s chance in hell” of convincing the very folks who wanted him “hanged for being a traitor” a few years back - to vote for him in a primary against their own cult leader who was also the very person who had convinced them that Pence was a “traitor” in the first place.  Let that sink in for a moment.

Well, if its any consolation, just as Republicans do after every mass shooting, we send along our “thoughts and prayers” for Mike’s dead campaign.  We would also be remiss if we failed to offer our thanks to the astute voters of the great state of Indiana for their two stellar contributions to the vice presidency, Dan Quayle and Mike Pence.  Personally, I would have preferred Larry, Curly, and Moe, but then again, I don’t get to vote in Republican primaries.

Truth be told, Mike Pence is a coward of a man who hid behind his religious beliefs and stood silent for four years when he should have spoken out about the evil corruption he saw in the Trump White House.  That said, when push came to shove, and we were on the verge of losing our democracy, he did finally cave in and reluctantly do the job he was elected to do.  THAT - my friends, does not make Mike Pence a hero.  It makes him what anthropologists commonly refer to as a “poo-poo, caca mouth.”

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