Trump Ordered by Jury to Pay E. Jean Carroll $83 Million

In his second trial in less than a year on the matter, a civil jury in Manhattan took only three hours to decide that disgraced former President Trump must pay $83.3 million in punitive and compensatory damages to rape victim and writer E. Jean Carroll in a drama that began in the dressing room of a New York City department store back in 1995.

Gee whiz, $83 million? Seems it turns out that even “when you're a star, they don't always let you do it.” Anyway, so the Orange God used his big fat mouth to talk his way out of a $5 million judgment - and right into an $83 million judgment. Now, that really takes some skill! Talk about “The Art of the Deal!” I’m totally impressed. Why, its almost as if Mr. Trump and his militant, useless attorney don’t fully comprehend the basic point of “punitive damages.”

I mean, at this point, Trump defames Ms. Carroll so frequently, she’s almost gonna need to put up an electronic signboard to alert the court about Trump’s latest attacks on her. Of course, if you were to ask a MAGA, “What do you think now that your candidate just got ordered to pay $83 million to a woman he raped and defamed?” - they’d no doubt respond, “That just makes me love him, even more!” The Republican Party’s attitude is, “Sure, Donald Trump may be a rapist, but at least he's our rapist.”

Perhaps, but I suspect it won’t be long before Ms. Carroll tells Mr. Trump, “OK, I'll take the keys to Mar-a-Lago now, please. Oh, and be sure to take Melania with you when you leave.” Oh, well! I suppose Trump can take some solace in the fact that he undoubtedly saved quite a good chunk of cash by hiring a fanatic, right-wing zealot for a lawyer - whose only real legal experience before this was fighting speeding tickets in a traffic court. That’s right, we’re talking about you, Ms. Alina Habba Dabba Ding Dong.

That said, Republicans are right now working hard behind the scenes - putting a lot of pressure on candidate Nikki Haley to drop out of the race so everyone can rally behind this “winner” - Donald Trump. Good grief, the way I see it, if this “winning streak” continues at its current pace, both Trump and Rudy may end up sharing a two-bedroom flat somewhere in downtown Luckenback, Texas. Anyway, at this point, I guess the only question about this case remaining to be answered is, can this settlement be paid off in Rubles?

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