Trump Now Peddling Gold Sneakers

At a rally this past weekend in Philadelphia, Donald Trump received quite a mixed reaction to his announcement that he’s now going to be selling “$399 Gold Sneakers” to his adoring fans, which surprisingly set off quite a bit of booing from his usually faithful audience. Ever the snake oil showman, Trump tried to dismiss all the boos by simply saying, “Wow, there is a lot of emotion in this room.”

Oh my! You mean after all the fines and losses in court, Trump has now been demoted from billionaire to shoe salesman? And you say he’s been selling sneakers that look like they’ve been spray-painted gold? Why, “bless his sole!” Now, in his defense, word has been spreading around greater Trumpistan, that these golden sneakers are especially comfortable for those who may be suffering from those pesky “bone spurs.”

Gee, wonder where Trump’s getting his inventory from, anyway? Naturally, we all know Trump can instantly tell he tell where to get the best “golden showers,” but who could have guessed he also knew where to get golden sneakers? Wonder where he got the idea? Did it come to him in a Moscow hotel room? Wait! It just occurred to me. Trump’s in Philadelphia. Maybe he stole the shoes from Rocky Balboa?

Now, what I don’t get is how these MAGAs, who are always whining about how the Biden economy is in such shambles that they can’t even afford to buy gas, but whenever Trump announces a new grift, these folks just open up their wallets like “price is no object.” Funny how that works. Hey! I have a great idea. Considering how much MAGAs worship the Confederacy - I think it’d be only fitting that they pay for their sneakers - with “Confederate money.”

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Sen. Katie Britt Blames Biden for a Rape 20 Years Ago in Mexico

During what many are calling an absolutely insane rebuttal to President Biden’s “State of the Union” address, Sen. Katie Boyd Britt (R-Ala.), walked onto a studio sound stage (set up like an upper-middle-class kitchen) and began to link a harrowing account of a young woman’s sex trafficking and rape by a Mexican drug cartel, to Joe Biden’s immigration policies of the 2020s. She did this even though the abuse happened nearly 20 years ago and in Mexico - and at a time when Republican George W. Bush was president, not Joe Biden. The girl about whom Sen. Britt spoke - was thrown out of her house by her mother at age 12 and eventually “fell prey to a professional pimp.” There is no evidence that she was ever held by a drug cartel, as Katie claimed. In addition, the young victim testified that most of her clients for prostitution were foreigners visiting Mexico to have sex with underage girls. Okay, so now let me get this straight. A young Mexican fema...

White House Calls Trump Property the Perfect G7 Meeting Location

White House Calls Trump Property the Perfect G7 Meeting Location: The White House and President Trump are raising eyebrows once again after they selected Donald Trump’s National Doral Resort Hotel as the “perfect location” for the next G7 summit while also suggesting President Trump plans to re-invite Russian President Vladimir Putin to the meeting. Well gee-whiz, what a lucky break for the Trump Resorts. I mean, who knew there was no other place in the entire United States that would be appropriate to hold a G7 summit other than a Trump property? Imagine that! Of course, at the rate Trump has been betraying all our friends and allies, by the time this conference actually rolls around - my guess is it’s likely only gonna be a G2 summit - with just Trump and Putin in attendance! https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Claims Bahamas are Full of Bad Gang Members

Trump Claims Bahamas are Full of Bad Gang Members: President Trump shocked reporters by telling them that he is hesitant to allow any Bahamians to enter the US after Hurricane Dorian, because the island is full of "bad gang members.” Right, “bad gang members.” That’s as opposed to all the “good gang members” who follow him. You know, like the KKK, the neo-Nazis and all those white-supremacist militia gangs. But come on, if Trump really thought that there’s all these “bad guys” roaming around in the Bahamas, you’d think he’d have invited them to meet with him at Camp David by now. That said, my guess is that about the only thing Donald Trump actually knows about the Bahamas is that it’s surrounded bigly, by a Yuge bunch of water. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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