Republican House Seeks to Rename Dulles Airport After Trump

House Republicans have introduced new legislation to rename Washington Dulles International Airport after former president Donald J. Trump. In a statement, Republicans declared, “As millions of domestic and international travelers fly through the airport, there is no better symbol of freedom, prosperity and strength than hearing ‘Welcome to Trump International Airport’ as they land on American soil.”

Wow, rename such an Important airport like Dulles International after Trump? What for? Is it going bankrupt? Well, I guess that one way to ensure every flight is gonna be late. Now, not to be critical, but I could perhaps understand naming a sewage treatment facility after Trump, but an airport - not so much. Hey, now that I think of it, the idea of a “Donald J. Trump Sewage Treatment Facility” - really does have a certain “stench” to it.

Anyway, one thing’s for sure, this move is gonna be really controversial. The truth is, I’m sure most Americans would be perfectly fine with allowing Trump’s face to be placed on, say - a three-dollar bill, or perhaps renaming San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge the “Trump Golden Shower Bridge,” or even having Trump’s name inscribed on every interstate highway’s rest stop restroom wall - but not airports.

Besides, and mark my words, if Republicans are successful in renaming this after their “Orange God,” expect him to demand royalties for use of his name. And the first order of business? Why, more direct flights to Moscow - of course. Now, some may ask, why do this? Well, I guess Republicans must figure you have to start out small by renaming an airport, before moving on to eventually renaming the entire country. Gee, “Trumpistan” does actually have a bit of a ring to it, doesn’t it?

That said, I still can’t help but thinking, “Could this possibly be some sort of late April Fools prank?” Then it occurs to me, wasn’t Dulles International one of the airports Trump once told a Fourth of July audience that was seized from the British by the Continental Army during the American Revolutionary War? I mean, talk about a unique perspective on our war for independence! One thing’s for sure, you’re never gonna learn anything like that in the history books. That is, unless Republicans grab control of our school boards.

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