USGS Says Human Feces Contains Gold Worth Millions

USGS Says Human Feces Contains Gold Worth Millions: In one of those truth-is-stranger-than-fiction stories, experts at the US Geological Survey say they’ve discovered human feces contains enough gold, platinum and silver, that - if retrieved - could be worth upwards of hundreds of millions of dollars. The agency further estimates that the value of the metal in the biological waste from only one million Americans, may be worth as much as $13 million.

Wait a minute, if my calculations are correct, that’s roughly $13 - for every time you sit on the crapper! Hell, maybe it’s time to start thinking about going back on that high-fiber diet again. Now, pardon my skepticism, but I’m finding this story a bit hard to digest.

I mean, what the hell kind of upside-down, crazy, insane “gold rush" is this supposed to be? Are you trying to tell me that that “pot of gold” we’ve all dreamed about, is actually my commode? Say it isn’t so! I’ll tell ya this much, this sure is no time to get called a “gold digger.”

Just think of the implications here. Why, back in the day, miners picked up some mining gear at the hardware store and headed out into the California desert to “pan for gold.” Now, I guess we’re supposed to drive over to CVS, pick up a pack of laxatives, and somehow “bed-pan” for gold?”

Talk about getting “filthy rich!” One thing’s for sure, if our feces really is loaded with all those precious metals, then I can think of a few people who are definitely “worth their weight in gold.” Why, now that I think about it, that probably explains how Donald Trump is a billionaire.

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