Speaker Pelosi Consults Top General About Trump and the Nuclear Codes

Speaker Pelosi Consults Top General About Trump and the Nuclear Codes: House Speaker Nancy Pelosi informed her colleagues Friday, that she had spoken to the Joint Chiefs’ chairman Gen. Mark A. Milley, about keeping an “unstable president” from accessing the nuclear codes, as Democrats debate the possibility of impeaching the US Commander in Chief Donald J. Trump, for a second time in just over a year.

House leaders maintain that the President has become completely “unhinged,” and needs to be removed from office immediately, before he has the opportunity to endanger the country again and possibly destabilize world peace. Now, I’m certainly no expert on “hinges, but honestly - I can’t think of a time, when this guy’s ever been “hinged.”

Frankly, at this point in time, and given everything that’s come down in the past few days, we’d better hope that about the only thing they put inside President Trump's "football" - is a double cheeseburger. I mean, who could’ve ever dreamed they’d live to see the day, when America needed to take out a restraining order - against the President?

Well, I guess this means Mr Trump has been put on notice that from this point on, his ability to see everything get blown to smithereens, will be limited to watching old Wile E. Coyote cartoons. I mean, not that he’d ever wanna do anything like nuke California, New York or Georgia - mind you. As we all know, the man’s heart is full of nothing but love.

But, all of that aside, we really shouldn’t feel to bad for the poor fella, because in place of access to the nuclear codes - the Secret Service has reportedly presented him with a most authentic-looking, Jedi lightsaber toy, which he plans to use against Vice President Mike Pence, should he ever try to enter the Oval Office again.

Now, I suppose the only questions remaining to be answered are - what will happen to the President after this is all over and Joe Biden is sworn in? Will he be tried? Will he go to jail? Will he be swapped in a prisoner exchange for Roman Polański? Or, will he mysteriously vanish like Elvis, only appearing again in occasional sightings in suburban New Jersey strip clubs? I guess time will tell.

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GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold: Rep. Justin Amash (R-Mich.), has become the first Republican congressman to publicly state that, based on the Mueller Report - the President “engaged in impeachable conduct.” Rep. Amash further added that Attorney General Barr “deliberately misrepresented” the Mueller Report’s findings to congress and to the American public. Oh boy! One can only imagine the 3 AM tweet storm that’s gonna emanate from Trump’s porcelain throne over this level of betrayal. I’ll tell you another thing, disloyalty of this magnitude to the Cult of Trump isn’t likely to set well in America’s trailer parks either. But then again, what else is new? After all, Republicans have never viewed reality as being in their best interests. Now, I have no idea how all this is gonna finally go down, but I do know one thing - Justin Amash is definitely not gonna get an invite to Donald Trump's next wedding....

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy: After numerous prophecies of his failed to materialize, resulting in various accusations of lies and fraud, self-described “prophet” and right-wing pastor Hank Kunneman of “One Voice Ministries” warned fellow Christians that they "better be very careful" about criticizing "prophets" like him, because "It's a dangerous place, and some of you might get leprosy.” Wow, leprosy? That’s one helluva threat! Now, while I wasn’t there, my guess is that it all came down something like this - some critic calls out God’s “prophet” Kunneman for his bogus claims, then further challenges him by declaring “You want a piece of me, then come and get it!” Then God gave that critic leprosy - and that “piece of him” just fell right off. Now, on a personal note, I’ve also been a vocal critic of Kunneman’s ministry for a long time now, and I can happily report that I haven’t come down with “leprosy.” Alth...

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone: Speaking at a recent conference, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari denied claims that he had died and been replaced by a Sudanese impostor or a clone, breaking his silence on a rumor that has been circulating on social media for months. Wait a minute, I think I saw that movie - “ Weekend at Muhammadu’s. ” And, if I remember correctly - wasn’t it was a Sudanese actor who played the lead? Who do they think they’re kidding anyway? After all, I wasn’t born yesterday! Now, of course, I’m sitting out here in California - so I have no sure-fire way to confirm or deny all these rumors, but I do know one thing - if you can’t believe Nigerian e-mails and social media posts, what the hell can you believe? https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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