New Study Finds Mammals Can Actually Breathe Through Their Anuses

New Study Finds Mammals Can Actually Breathe Through Their Anuses: Researchers at Tokyo Medical and Dental University, have shown that it is possible for mammals to absorb oxygen through their anus. After being intrigued by how certain sea creatures are able to breathe through their intestines in emergencies, Japanese scientists decided to run experiments that eventually proved this phenomenon was also true for mice, rats, and pigs.

Frankly, I’m not one bit surprised. After all, we all know people who “talk right out their ass,” so why not breathe out of it also? Hell, this may even account for why Republicans always seem to shout "Butt, Benghazi,” every time one of their political shenanigans gets their asses backed up against the wall. It may also help to explain Donald Trump's breath.

Now, I realize many of you may think studies like these are just a big joke, but scientists claim this research involves some really “serious sh*t.” In fact, they say in order to prove this hypothesis in humans, it will require a good deal more research, and are asking for volunteers. Well, if that’s the case - then I’d like to volunteer Marjorie Taylor Greene. She seems to be in possession of all the qualifications needed for a study of this nature.

Of course, on the downside, I shudder to think what all this could mean for “CPR training,” let alone scuba diving. The fact is - some of us are apparently getting a helluva lot more oxygen than others. Take Rudy Giuliani for example. Could this research mean that Rudy may not have actually been farting during that Michigan Election Fraud Hearing last December - but instead, just breathing? I guess only time will tell, but in the meantime, frat boys may now have something new to amaze their friends with at keg parties.

Johnny Robish Comedy

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Marjorie Taylor Greene Claims Pete Buttigieg Emasculating Driving With Electric Cars

During a segment on Neil Cavuto’s Fox News program, US Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg was told by the host that Marjorie Taylor Greene is claiming "Mr. Buttigieg is trying to emasculate the way we drive" by supporting electric vehicles. In response, Buttigieg told Cavuto that “my sense of manhood is not connected to whether my vehicle is fueled by gasoline, or whether it's fueled by electricity.” When asked by Cavuto if he was offended by what Greene said, Buttigieg remarked "To be honest, there are other members of Congress that I pay more attention to when I'm thinking about opinions that really matter.” Oh, come on now! Let’s get real. It would take a helluva lot more than an electric car to “emasculate” Marjorie Taylor Greene. Besides, I’m pretty sure “real men” actually ride horses, anyway. Of course, I’m certainly no psychiatrist, but it sounds like Greene’s anger could be a combination of both “road rage” and “roid rage,” leaving her...

Spa Founder Sold Chinese Businessmen Access to President Trump

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Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal: Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike? Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death. Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this. On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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