US Admits UFO Sightings Have Been an Ordinary Event for Years

US Admits UFO Sightings Have Been an Ordinary Event for Years: In a stunning new 60 Minutes report from CBS, former military and government officials say that the acceleration of UFO sightings, especially by our military personnel, are driving UFO investigations out of the closet and into the mainstream. This includes Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.), who tells 60 Minutes that “Anything that enters our airspace that’s not supposed to be there, is a threat.”

Well, that may or may not be true Marco, but in my mind - you and your Republican pals are a much greater threat to civilization than any UFO could ever be. Of course, the Republican response to anything like this is basically always the same “if we can't eat it, commercialize it, or have sex with it - then we need to kill it.” Luckily for our Republican friends, we now have those Jewish space lasers to help ward them off.

I mean, just to hear the way Republicans describe it, these UFOs are nothing more than a bunch of extraterrestrial, commie thugs - who are being sent here to take away our AR-15s, help BLM burn down Portland, abort our babies, spread a vile doctrine of gender equality and interplanetary socialism, and tax all our billionaires.

Meanwhile, Democrats are claiming they have irrefutable proof aliens have been living among us for some time now. And, to prove their point, they argue that our last President was actually an inexplicable “orangish creature,” with hair unlike that of any other human that exists on the planet. And, let us not forget that Trump’s legal eagle Rudy Giuliani, was caught right on camera - with what appeared to be motor oil leaking directly from his skull. What more proof do you need?

Now, some of you may ask “just why in the hell do these UFO spacecraft never seem to make so much as even a sonic boom?” Could it possibly be that these “aliens” still haven’t even figured out how to travel faster than the “speed of sound” yet? On the other hand - and much more likely - we probably haven’t heard their sonic booms, because these sneaky bastards have much better “mufflers” than we do.

Then, of course, there’s always the question as to why UFO videos and photographs always seem to be so damn “grainy” looking. Come on now! These videos were taken by some of our most sophisticated, high-tech aircraft! I mean, why the hell is it that whenever aliens do show up, there never seems to be even a halfway decent camera around?

But, all that aside, I have my own theory. I mean, hasn’t anyone even considered that just maybe - planet Earth is only a stopover for these aliens - and that they’re only just here to pick up some coffee and doughnuts? Either that, or maybe they just need to clean off their damn windshields.

Hell, suppose they’re simply here filming some sort of intergalactic reality show called - “Earth!” Who knows? One thing I do know is, these UFO sightings are not gonna stop any time soon, at least not until we all agree to get the hell off this planet. Now, where the hell is that Elon Musk when we need him?

Johnny Robish Comedy

Trump Tells Hannity He Can Declassify Secret Documents With Just His Mind

During a recent interview on Fox News with Sean Hannity, former president Donald Trump tried to defend stashing extremely sensitive classified documents at his Mar-a-Lago resort by saying he was the president, and the president can declassify, simply by “saying its declassified.” Trump further added that “there doesn't have to be a process - there can be a process, but there doesn't have to be.” Trump then told Hannity that if you're the president of the United States, you can actually declassify something “by just ‘ thinking’ about it.” Oh, my word! You mean to tell me Trump actually thinks he can declassify the government's most guarded secrets, simply by “thinking about them?” Now, not to be critical, but it sure sounds like someone has been spending way too much of their spare time binge-watching old episodes of “I Dream of Jeannie.” I mean, about the only thing he left out was that he also sprinkled the documents with “pixie dust!” This...

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy: After numerous prophecies of his failed to materialize, resulting in various accusations of lies and fraud, self-described “prophet” and right-wing pastor Hank Kunneman of “One Voice Ministries” warned fellow Christians that they "better be very careful" about criticizing "prophets" like him, because "It's a dangerous place, and some of you might get leprosy.” Wow, leprosy? That’s one helluva threat! Now, while I wasn’t there, my guess is that it all came down something like this - some critic calls out God’s “prophet” Kunneman for his bogus claims, then further challenges him by declaring “You want a piece of me, then come and get it!” Then God gave that critic leprosy - and that “piece of him” just fell right off. Now, on a personal note, I’ve also been a vocal critic of Kunneman’s ministry for a long time now, and I can happily report that I haven’t come down with “leprosy.” Alth...

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal: Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike? Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death. Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this. On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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