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Republican Candidates Panicking as Millions Missing from GOP Senate Campaign Coffers


Republican Senate hopefuls are getting crushed over the airwaves, as the National Republican Senatorial Committee’s campaign fund is quickly pulling ads and nearly out of cash.  This has many angry donors and campaign advisers asking “where all the money went?”  Especially, after months of touting record fundraising, topping $173 million so far this election cycle.  It seems Florida Sen. Rick Scott, who was put in charge of handling campaign spending, has been blowing through millions meant for Republican candidates for the US Senate.  Ironically, when he was CEO of Columbia/HCA about a decade ago, Rick Scott oversaw the largest Medicare fraud scheme ever committed in U.S. history, and his organization was fined $1.7 billion.

Gee whiz!  You mean to tell me GOP “grifters got grifted?”  Say it isn’t so.  I mean, who could have predicted something like this?  Anyway, so let’s get this straight.  Republicans put a guy who oversaw the largest Medicare fraud scheme in US history in charge of their finances, and now they’re at a loss to explain how nearly all that money seems to have just disappeared.  Well, not to be critical, but isn’t putting Rick Scott in charge of your finances, like giving John Dillinger the combination to your safe?  


That’s right, these fools put Rick Scott in charge of tens of millions in cash donations.  Why, I wouldn’t trust that guy with my lunch money.  Hell, if you’re going to be that stupid, you may as well just send your money off to one of those professional shysters like Jim Bakker or Alex Jones.  Oh, I see…they already do that.  Now, I think rather than turn that cash over to Rick Scott, they should’ve just stashed it in Mar-a-Lago’s basement.  I’m sure it would have been completely safe there.


Anyway, so a bunch of donors and desperate Republican candidates and strategists - are demanding to know exactly what happened to all that money?  Well, that’s easy enough to figure out.  After all, five-star hotels and pool boys don’t come cheap.  Besides, what’s the big deal, anyway?  This is all small potatoes compared to Scott’s $1.7 billion fraudulent Medicare billing scam.  For Pete’s sake, try and keep things in perspective people. 


Frankly, all Rick Scott did was help put the “con” back in the term “conservative.”  In fact, Floridians were apparently so impressed by how talented Scott is at bilking the system, they elected him governor, and then made him their US senator.  Who says no one gets elected on merit anymore?  Besides, the way the MAGA crowd looks at it, at least none of this money was wasted helping folks like elderly shut-ins, homeless vets, or hungry children.


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