Republican Senator Says God Sent Rain to Oklahoma as Payment for Anti-Abortion Laws

In a recent interview, US Senator James Lankford (R-OK) told Christian Nationalist Tony Perkins from the Family Research Council about how they were experiencing a massive drought in Oklahoma, and the week after they passed anti-abortion legislation, “we had the most overwhelming rainstorm that came across the state.”

No kidding? If heavy rain is a “blessing,” then I’m guessing Puerto Rico must be feeling extraordinarily blessed lately. Now, not to be critical, but Sen. Lankford’s God may have gotten just a wee bit too enthusiastic about all this anti-abortion legislation and overshot his mark a bit, because some of Lankford’s “overwhelming rain storms” ended up causing major flood damage in Oklahoma cities.

Frankly, it isn’t as if this hasn’t happened before. If I remember correctly, back in 2019, when Oklahoma was experiencing serious flooding throughout the state - Sen. Lankford was claiming “gay people are the cause of natural disasters.” The funny thing is - shortly thereafter, Lankford lost HIS home to flooding. Let’s hope Lankford’s God doesn’t screw up rainmaking again, and it ends up “raining babies.” Then, there’d be nothing to abort.

Gee, kinda makes you wonder just who Lankford’s God might have been all pissed off at during the “Dust Bowl?” They didn’t get any rain back in those days. That was back in a time before meteorologists and climatologists realized all you needed to do to make it rain - was to simply pass extremely harsh anti-abortion legislation. Who knew? Of course, no Dust Bowl would have meant we wouldn’t have had any hobos hopping freights, leaving poor John Steinbeck with nothing to write about.

Anyway, so we have an entire state full of people who apparently feel the best person to represent them in the US Senate is someone who believes it's 1022, not 2022. Nothing scary about that. Besides, folks like Tony Perkins and Sen. Lankford know one of the coolest things about claiming you’re actually “speaking for God,” is that they feel pretty safe God won’t come down and contradict them. That’s why so many thinking people sarcastically remark, “Gee, I think I’m in the wrong business!”

If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:

Johnny Robish Comedy

Comments

Sen. Katie Britt Blames Biden for a Rape 20 Years Ago in Mexico

During what many are calling an absolutely insane rebuttal to President Biden’s “State of the Union” address, Sen. Katie Boyd Britt (R-Ala.), walked onto a studio sound stage (set up like an upper-middle-class kitchen) and began to link a harrowing account of a young woman’s sex trafficking and rape by a Mexican drug cartel, to Joe Biden’s immigration policies of the 2020s. She did this even though the abuse happened nearly 20 years ago and in Mexico - and at a time when Republican George W. Bush was president, not Joe Biden. The girl about whom Sen. Britt spoke - was thrown out of her house by her mother at age 12 and eventually “fell prey to a professional pimp.” There is no evidence that she was ever held by a drug cartel, as Katie claimed. In addition, the young victim testified that most of her clients for prostitution were foreigners visiting Mexico to have sex with underage girls. Okay, so now let me get this straight. A young Mexican fema...

White House Calls Trump Property the Perfect G7 Meeting Location

White House Calls Trump Property the Perfect G7 Meeting Location: The White House and President Trump are raising eyebrows once again after they selected Donald Trump’s National Doral Resort Hotel as the “perfect location” for the next G7 summit while also suggesting President Trump plans to re-invite Russian President Vladimir Putin to the meeting. Well gee-whiz, what a lucky break for the Trump Resorts. I mean, who knew there was no other place in the entire United States that would be appropriate to hold a G7 summit other than a Trump property? Imagine that! Of course, at the rate Trump has been betraying all our friends and allies, by the time this conference actually rolls around - my guess is it’s likely only gonna be a G2 summit - with just Trump and Putin in attendance! https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Claims Bahamas are Full of Bad Gang Members

Trump Claims Bahamas are Full of Bad Gang Members: President Trump shocked reporters by telling them that he is hesitant to allow any Bahamians to enter the US after Hurricane Dorian, because the island is full of "bad gang members.” Right, “bad gang members.” That’s as opposed to all the “good gang members” who follow him. You know, like the KKK, the neo-Nazis and all those white-supremacist militia gangs. But come on, if Trump really thought that there’s all these “bad guys” roaming around in the Bahamas, you’d think he’d have invited them to meet with him at Camp David by now. That said, my guess is that about the only thing Donald Trump actually knows about the Bahamas is that it’s surrounded bigly, by a Yuge bunch of water. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

You've Got to Be Kidding?

Search This Blog