Republican Senator Says God Sent Rain to Oklahoma as Payment for Anti-Abortion Laws

In a recent interview, US Senator James Lankford (R-OK) told Christian Nationalist Tony Perkins from the Family Research Council about how they were experiencing a massive drought in Oklahoma, and the week after they passed anti-abortion legislation, “we had the most overwhelming rainstorm that came across the state.”

No kidding? If heavy rain is a “blessing,” then I’m guessing Puerto Rico must be feeling extraordinarily blessed lately. Now, not to be critical, but Sen. Lankford’s God may have gotten just a wee bit too enthusiastic about all this anti-abortion legislation and overshot his mark a bit, because some of Lankford’s “overwhelming rain storms” ended up causing major flood damage in Oklahoma cities.

Frankly, it isn’t as if this hasn’t happened before. If I remember correctly, back in 2019, when Oklahoma was experiencing serious flooding throughout the state - Sen. Lankford was claiming “gay people are the cause of natural disasters.” The funny thing is - shortly thereafter, Lankford lost HIS home to flooding. Let’s hope Lankford’s God doesn’t screw up rainmaking again, and it ends up “raining babies.” Then, there’d be nothing to abort.

Gee, kinda makes you wonder just who Lankford’s God might have been all pissed off at during the “Dust Bowl?” They didn’t get any rain back in those days. That was back in a time before meteorologists and climatologists realized all you needed to do to make it rain - was to simply pass extremely harsh anti-abortion legislation. Who knew? Of course, no Dust Bowl would have meant we wouldn’t have had any hobos hopping freights, leaving poor John Steinbeck with nothing to write about.

Anyway, so we have an entire state full of people who apparently feel the best person to represent them in the US Senate is someone who believes it's 1022, not 2022. Nothing scary about that. Besides, folks like Tony Perkins and Sen. Lankford know one of the coolest things about claiming you’re actually “speaking for God,” is that they feel pretty safe God won’t come down and contradict them. That’s why so many thinking people sarcastically remark, “Gee, I think I’m in the wrong business!”

If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:

Johnny Robish Comedy

Comments

Marjorie Taylor Greene Claims Pete Buttigieg Emasculating Driving With Electric Cars

During a segment on Neil Cavuto’s Fox News program, US Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg was told by the host that Marjorie Taylor Greene is claiming "Mr. Buttigieg is trying to emasculate the way we drive" by supporting electric vehicles. In response, Buttigieg told Cavuto that “my sense of manhood is not connected to whether my vehicle is fueled by gasoline, or whether it's fueled by electricity.” When asked by Cavuto if he was offended by what Greene said, Buttigieg remarked "To be honest, there are other members of Congress that I pay more attention to when I'm thinking about opinions that really matter.” Oh, come on now! Let’s get real. It would take a helluva lot more than an electric car to “emasculate” Marjorie Taylor Greene. Besides, I’m pretty sure “real men” actually ride horses, anyway. Of course, I’m certainly no psychiatrist, but it sounds like Greene’s anger could be a combination of both “road rage” and “roid rage,” leaving her...

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal: Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike? Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death. Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this. On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Takes to Truth Social to Spread ‘Roomer’ About Ron DeSantis

Former president Donald Trump just shared some juicy gossip about Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on his Truth Social platform. Trump posted, “Roomer (sic) are (sic) strong in political circles that Ron DeSanctimonious, whose Presidential run is a shambles, and whose poll numbers have absolutely crashed, putting him 3rd and 4th in some states, will be dropping out of the Presidential race in order to run, in Florida, against Rick Scott for Senate. Now that’s an interesting one, isn’t it?” Gee, Donald Trump spreading “roomers?” Say it ain’t so! Now, me thinks perhaps that prestigious Wharton School of Business Trump attended might want to consider adding some basic 3rd-grade spelling classes to its curriculum. Apparently, Trump is stalled at that level of language development where he is still spelling words phonetically. Why his poor spelling makes him look like a real “looser.” Frankly, I’m not sure its a wise choice for Republicans to choose ...

You've Got to Be Kidding?

Search This Blog