Skip to main content

Mississippi River at Historically Low Levels - Strangling Commerce


It’s being reported that historically low water levels in the Mississippi River have caused at least 25 separate closures to traffic since October 11th.  Each stoppage is estimated to cost $300 million per day to the US economy, and could devastate some markets.  For example, 60% of the nation's corn and soybean exports rely on the Mississippi to get to customers.

Members of the MAGA “Republican Freedom Caucus” were quick to respond by claiming “this is clearly Biden, Hillary, and Obama’s fault.”  Ohhhh, my gosh!  Not more of those damn “George Soros-funded, water-sucking satellites again.”  Of course!  It’s so blatantly obvious, especially to all the folks wearing those bright red MAGA caps.  That said, I guess we really don’t even need to ask Kyrie Irving or Kayne West - who they’re blaming all this on.

However, in contrast to all those folks, traditional Republicans like Mitch McConnell, or corporate Democrats like Joe Manchin, will be quick to tell you “the primary reason Mississippi river water levels have dropped so low, is because we haven’t been burning enough coal.”  On the other hand, Mike Pence and evangelical Christians are pretty damn sure this dry spell may have something to do with the liberal Democrat Party’s “War on Christmas."

Not surprisingly, most Republicans will tell you that “If liberal tree huggers hadn't restricted the chemicals that companies are allowed to dump in rivers, we would’ve never had this problem in the first place.”  That’s because pouring tons of toxic chemicals into the water would inherently make river levels rise.  Let’s also not forget that - as any Fox News climatologist can tell you - “deregulation and lower corporate taxes are really the keys to increased rainfall.”

That said, if there is anything Republicans want you to remember during this crisis, it’s to remain suspicious and fearful of your neighbors, especially if they happen to look or believe differently than you.  That way, you’ll continue to contribute to Republican causes and candidates, even if doing so would be against your family’s best interests.  In return, Republicans and evangelical leaders promise to continue scaring the hell out of you, so they can continue to profit off your irrational fears.  And, as everyone knows - these folks keep their promises.

If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:

Johnny Robish Comedy

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Trump Lawyer Schoen Threatens America With Civil War

Trump Lawyer Schoen Threatens America With Civil War:  In a fiery speech, arguing that impeachment would disenfranchise Donald Trump’s supporters, defense lawyer David Schoen is being harshly criticized for his thinly veiled threat - warning that impeaching the former president could very well result in even more violence from Donald Trump’s easily enraged base. So, if I understand Schoen’s argument correctly, it sounds as if he’s implying that “if you bring Trump to trial, then that angry, violent mob who attacked the Capitol, wanting to hang Vice President Pence and kill various members of Congress, might get really, really mad again - and there will be reprisals.”   You know, we’re talking stuff like ”Nice country you have here - be a damn shame if something were to happen to it!”  In other words, Schoen’s trying to incite violence, in defense of a man who’s facing trial - over inciting violence.  They don’t teach you that in law school.   Now, is it jus...
Post a Comment
Read more

Former Trump National Security Advisor Warns ‘Deep State’ Putting COVID Vaccine in Salad Dressing

Former Trump National Security Adviser Michael Flynn, who was fired and then prosecuted for lying to the FBI about his contacts with Russia before being ultimately pardoned by Trump, is now sliding further into the QAnon conspiracy world, telling the hosts of an online show dedicated to COVID and election fraud conspiracies - that he has heard the “Deep State” is attempting to “sneak coronavirus vaccine into salad dressing.” Now, I have no idea where Gen. Flynn got this information, but my guess is it was probably a text from Mike Lindell or Rudy Giuliani, alerting him to the “hidden dangers of salad dressing.”  Or, it could have been Nicki Minaj for all I know.  After all, she does have another cousin who has a friend in Timbuktu.  Word on the street has it the “Deep State” will initially start with “Ranch Dressing” to vaccinate the cowboys, then move on to “Russian Dressing,” to get the rest of Trump’s supporters. Anyway, I hate to rain on Gen. Flynn’s conspiracy the...
Post a Comment
Read more

Elon Musk Calls for the Prosecution of Anthony Fauci

Over the weekend, Elon Musk took to his Twitter account to call for the prosecution of infectious disease expert Dr. Anthony Fauci, endorsing a convoluted, right-wing conspiracy theory that claims Dr. Fauci financed the COVID-19 pandemic.   Musk then proceeded to mock transgender people by adding “My pronouns are Prosecute/Fauci.” Gee, the “world’s richest right-wing troll” said what?  Now, I realize it's a really low bar, but I think we’ve finally found someone who actually knows less about pronouns - than Herschel Walker.   Not to be critical, but a good sign you may have a wee bit too much money on your hands, is when you blow 44 billion dollars, just to call people names. Oh sure, I’m positive Elon Musk, like any right-wing crusader, gets a real kick out of using his Twitter to “Own the Libs.”  OK, I get that, but just who does he suppose is actually buying his friggin' cars, anyway?   I’m pretty sure it isn’t Trump’s toothless, MAGA half-wits who are fillin...
Post a Comment
Read more