Don Jr. Opens New Year Selling Bibles on a ‘Rumble’ Podcast with a 7-Figure Contract

Well, it seems Don Jr. now has himself a seven-figure contract to do a podcast for “Rumble,” the cloud services business that is quite popular among America’s extreme-right crowd. The service (Rumble) is currently most widely known for also hosting Donald Trump’s “Truth Social” platform. Junior started things off by declaring “Judeo-Christian values are under attack,” and is sponsoring his podcast by selling “Made in America Bibles,” all the while claiming “I am both a former divinity student and a full-time podcaster.” Two things that aren’t really true, but as George Santos might say, “who cares?”

Hey, wait a minute - “American-Made Bibles?” Now, exactly what the hell is that supposed to mean? Is this Bible the new “King Donald Version?” And, if so, is it written in sharpie? Naturally, one would assume any Bible put out by a Trump, would be replete with scores of grammatical and spelling errors. Oh well, no problem! I mean, the rubes will never notice the difference, anyway. Just as long as the book was written entirely by Jesus, the greatest American who has ever lived.

So, who says “crime doesn’t pay?” You see, “some folks” will fall for almost anything, but those “MAGA folks?” Well, you can count on them to fall for EVERYTHING! So, I think we should expect those disability checks of theirs to start flowing Don Jr’s way pretty darn soon. Oh, but not me! You see, I’m not that easily fooled. Hell, my Bible was printed right in Jerusalem, and personally signed by Jesus and all his disciples. Not only that, but it also came with a fancy “certificate of authenticity” right inside the cover. Now, how you gonna top that?

Well, Don Jr. will tell ya exactly how. The first 1000 people who purchase one of these “Made in America Bibles,” will also receive an authentic Christian Nationalist “Get Out of Hell Free Card.” These cards are especially popular with many of the rural MAGAs, who perhaps may have become just a wee bit too “friendly" with the livestock at times. Meanwhile, Don Jr. can say, “Look, Dad! I'm ‘businessing’ now, just like you!” Well, perhaps - but he’d better be careful not to step on any of Daddy or Melania’s new NFT scams, because if he does, MAGA Bibles or not, you can bet there’ll be some REAL hell to pay!

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