You've Got to Be Kidding?

Mysterious Swarms of 6-Foot Drones Causing Anxiety in Colorado:   Mysterious nighttime visitations from of huge swarms of 6-foot drones that appear to be running very deliberate search patterns and to which the US Army and the Air Force deny belongs to them - are leaving residents of northeastern Colorado confused and a bit frightened. Now my first guess is, Amazon’s prime services were prevented from completing their one-day delivery promise because of what turned out to be a bogus street address - so a pissed off Jeff Bezos sent out the Amazon Air Force to investigate just what the hell’s going on.  Meanwhile, local authorities tried to calm residents fears, by pointing out that the drones “don’t seem to appear threatening.”   Really?  Well then, just what exactly would these drones need to do before authorities feel they “appear threatening?”  Wear leather jackets with gold wallet chains, smoke unfiltered Camel cigarettes, shout insults and obscen...

Far Right Trump Supporters Promising Civil War is Imminent:  On a highway about 100 miles southeast of Las Vegas, a gathering of heavily armed, far-right Trump supporters, including white nationalists and conspiracy theorists, gathered for a festival called “Trumpstock,” booked as a gathering of “real Americans” celebrating President Donald Trump - with many attendees promising a full-fledged civil war, in the event President Trump should not be reelected or impeached. Because nothing shows your “patriotic support” for American democracy, like threatening violence and civil war if your candidate isn’t reelected.  But I see their point.  I mean, it isn’t like for the past 238 years - America has peacefully accepted the outcome of our presidential elections. Why, if I were one of those “real Americans,” next time I needed dental work done, or had a child in need of medical attention, rather than go to one of those snotty, untrustworthy “coastal elites” for assis...

Trump Retweets Post Naming Alleged Whistleblower:   President Trump retweeted, then deleted, a post from suspicious Twitter user @Surfermom77 - thought to be an automated Russian bot - a tweet that included the alleged name of the anonymous whistleblower whose complaint ultimately led to Trump’s impeachment by the House.  Luckily for all of us, we still have Melania - toiling day and night, working tirelessly to end cyber bullying. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Big Christmas Sale Begins at 99 Cents Only Stores:   The local 99 Cents Only Stores here in Los Angeles have just announced that they are now holding their big, annual Christmas sale.  Now, not to sound critical, but if you ever find yourself in a position where you’re waiting to buy your Christmas gifts until things go on sale at a 99 Cent Store, perhaps it's time to reevaluate your career choices.

Conspirators Claim Burger King's Impossible Whopper Giving Men Breasts:   Burger King’s Impossible Whopper has become a huge hit for the fast-food franchise, but a new conspiracy theory circulating in right-wing circles claims that the meatless burger is causing men to grow breasts. Now, I know a lot of you are gonna say “a veggie burger causing men to grow breasts?  Why, that’s Impossible!”  Yes, dummy - that’s probably why it’s called the “Impossible Burger.”  Personally, I’d like to thank all these conspiracy theorists for keeping us “abreast” of this “developing” story.   Hell, if these Impossible Burger people aren’t stopped soon, the poor company may be forced to change their name from Burger King to Burger Queen.  Not to mention, that men who may not want to have big breasts - may start demanding that Burger King make a sandwich that will help enlarge their “Whoppers” too! That said, all this may end up having a silver lining.  I...

US Now Officially Has a Space Force and a Space Command:   While no one seems quite certain as to exactly what they will actually be doing, President Trump has signed into law America’s newest branch of the military - Space Force, by declaring there’s "going to be a lot of things happening in space, because space is the world's newest war fighting domain.” When asked about their new assignments, commanders say they’re really, really excited, but did have to admit that for the foreseeable future, the only space they’ll be occupying will be rather expensive “office space” in Washington DC. Hell, I can think of a job they can tackle right away.  Why not start by exploring some of that unchartered “space” that exists between Trump's ears?  Why, you could even describe the mission as “boldly going, where no other racists have gone before!” https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump’s Favorite Cable-News Channel is Now One America News:   President Trump’s current favorite cable-news network is no longer the Fox News channel, which sometimes disagrees with him, but the ultra-right wing One America News Network - which prides itself on being completely in lock-step with our President on everything. Good grief, our President actually believes what he sees on the One America News Network?  I mean, I always just assumed that network was some sort of bizarre spinoff from Comedy Central, doing absolutely insane satire about Fox News.  You mean to tell me they’re actually serious? I guess you could say One America News is a place where the tin foil hats and the red MAGA hats come together in holy matrimony.  And, to be completely fair, why shouldn’t all those inbred, half-witted Trump supporters deserve to have their own news sources, just like actual caring, intelligent and educated human beings do?   You know, the kind of f...

Giuliani Claims He’s More of a Jew Than Holocaust Survivor Soros:   Jewish groups are up in arms at former New York mayor and Trump personal attorney Rudy Giuliani, after he claimed in a recent interview that he is “more of a Jew” than financier and Holocaust survivor George Soros. No question about it!  And while we're at it, I’m sure he’s also more Native American than Sitting Bull.  Let’s remember, when you’re a bonafide Trump supporter, all you have to do is simply say something, and it magically becomes true. Anyway, sounds to me like crazy Rudy may have forgotten to refill his prescriptions again.  Well, Trump is right about one thing, no low-flow toilet is gonna be able to flush away all this nonsense Rudy’s been spewing - with only one flush.   About the only way I can explain insane behavior like this is by assuming Rudy is aware he’s in some serious legal trouble, so he’s hoping acting like this will allow him to exchange that future ora...