You've Got to Be Kidding?

Trump Sycophant Matt Gaetz’s Bizarre Tale of Sexual Intrigue and Extortion:   Florida Republican Rep. Matt Gaetz, a fierce Donald Trump supporter and frequent QAnon apologist, about whom we learn has been under investigation for months by the Justice Department for allegedly having sex with a 17-year-old girl and funding her underage travel, is now claiming that two men approached his father with a proposal asking for millions to free an Iranian hostage which, if successful, would make Gaetz a national hero and also help alleviate his statutory rape legal woes.   Gaetz says he took this as extortion - and contacted the FBI. Gee whiz, and to think that all this time we were being told by “Q” that it was the Democrats, Hillary Clinton, and Hollywood celebrities who were running that “Pizzagate” child sex trafficking operation?  Hey Mr. Q, I think we’ve found your child molesters.  They’re apparently down in Florida - at the Gaetz residence.   Now, in all fai...

Mafia Fugitive Caught After Posting Italian Cooking Videos on YouTube:   Mafia fugitive Marc Feren Claude Biart had a passion for posting Italian cooking tutorials on YouTube, but was always careful to never display his face when recording from his Caribbean hideout in the Dominican Republic.   However, his downfall came after he was eventually identified by the unique tattoos on his arms. Gee whiz, you mean to tell me that a prominent Mafia figure has actually been posting cooking tutorials on YouTube?  I guess he must have told the wrong person that if they enjoyed his video, to “like and subscribe.”  “Now, alla yous - be sure and watcha my next show, because I’ma gonna cooka my own goose.”  Bada bing, bada boom!   And, sure enough, you may as well just stick a fork in him, because “he’s done.”  And frankly, it’s really kind of a shame too - because I’ll bet all those recipes were just incredible.  In fact, it’s being reported that while so...

Ultra-Conservatives Move From Stop the Steal to Stop the Vaccine:  Although negative reactions have been extremely rare, right-wing conservatives are now bashing the safety and efficacy of coronavirus vaccines in an effort to try to undermine the government’s vaccination efforts, now that the “Stop the Steal” movement is all but kaput. Laugh if you want, but my story confirms these conservative’s deepest fears.  The fact is, I got my first vaccination in mid-January in my right arm, which then completely fell off on Inauguration Day.  Then, it miraculously grew back on Groundhog Day, only to fall off again on Valentine’s Day.   Even so, my doctor tells me there’s a good 50/50 chance that my arm may grow back on “Good Friday.”  Frankly, I’d like to believe him and stay hopeful, but Sen. Rand Paul warns that you can’t trust doctors like Dr. Fauci anymore.  Sen. Paul says making people wear masks “is just theater” and, he may be right.   After all...

Georgia Governor Signs Sweeping Voter Suppression Bill Into Law:   Georgia’s Republican Gov. Brian Kemp has signed into law an extremely controversial and sweeping voting measure, that Republicans claim is necessary to finally put a stop to voter fraud, but critics say it will ultimately lead to long lines, partisan control of elections and more difficult procedures for voters trying to cast their ballots by mail.   The bill also criminalizes any third-party groups who try and provide water or snacks to voters in line.   Now, who could possibly find anything wrong with Georgia’s Republicans ensuring that precincts in minority communities will have waits of up to 8-10 hours in order to vote?  Or, with making it a crime for volunteers to provide water or snacks to those stuck in those long lines for all that time?  I mean, just think of it as a wonderful opportunity to get to catch up on what’s new with all your friends and neighbors. Of course, they’ll always ...

Meghan McCain Concerned Biden Admin Overlooking White People:   Meghan McCain, the daughter of the late Arizona Sen. John McCain and a co-host on ABC's "The View," expressed concern that Democrats are too consumed with race and sexual identity in their hiring practices, then they are with making sure “more-qualified” white men get the job. Words of wisdom from affluenza poster child and professional descendant, "Karen" McCain - “Princess of Arizona.”  By the way, I’ll just say that’s a rather “interesting” look she’s sporting there, and leave it at that.  Now, before anyone gets mad, I honestly did consider giving up making snide remarks about people's appearances for Lent, but then remembered “hell, I’m not even Catholic.” Of course, what Princess McCain is really implying here is that - if you’re a member of a marginalized group, it means you’re obviously not really qualified to hold a prominent position in government or industry.  Her feeling appears t...

Postmaster General DeJoy Proposes Slower Mail and Higher Prices:  Postmaster General Louis DeJoy, a Trump appointee and major Republican donor, has unveiled a plan to slash Post Office hours, hike postage prices, and extend first-class delivery times, changes likely to worsen the nationwide mail slowdowns that began following implementation of DeJoy’s initial round of operational changes last year. OK, now if I understand DeJoy's plan correctly, he wants to jack-up the price of mail delivery and slow down service.  Humm, lower service, and higher prices?  Now, that’s what I call some cutting-edge business theory!  Hell, with a game plan like that, if he ever left Post Office - I’m thinking he’d be the perfect guy to run the Texas electrical grid.  I mean, at this point, we may as well bring back The Pony Express . So apparently, I guess it turns out that simply donating money to Donald Trump's political campaign, doesn’t automatically qualify you to run a hu...

Trump to Launch New Social Media Platform in Coming Months:   Trump communications strategist and political advisor Jason Miller, told Fox News’ Media Buzz this week that the former president will be back in two to three months with a brand new social media platform that he claims will “completely redefine the game.” Gee, that sounds like a terrific idea - and one that’ll really catch on fast.  In fact, I’m sure the FBI and other intelligence agencies will want to be some of the first to sign up.  Of course, one can only hope that this new project doesn’t end up getting in the way of Mr. Trump’s golfing.  We all know that the former president isn’t really a huge fan of long workdays.  But, just think of it - a new social network - just for liars, racists, insurrectionists, anti - vaxxers, conspiracy theorists, homophobes, grifters, and half-wits.  A place where a guy like Donald Trump will be free to talk about “how much he truly despises everyone -...