You've Got to Be Kidding?

New Research Shows Crocodiles Were Once Vegetarians:   New research lead by a geobiology graduate student at the University of Utah indicates that ancient crocodiles were most likely vegetarians at least three separate times during their evolution.  Researchers say there were able to reach that conclusion only after finding numerous remnants of discarded “Impossible Burger” wrappers near the fossil remains.  https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Second U.S. City Passes Ban on Facial Recognition Technology:   The city of Somerville, Massachusetts has become the second U.S. city to ban its municipal government from ever using facial recognition facial recognition technology, over fears it'll pave the way for mass surveillance .  Of course, on a positive note - they’ll never have to worry technology like that in places like Beverly Hills, Manhattan or Miami.  I mean, those people have had so many facelifts, you’re never quite sure of who or even wha...

Japan Gave Trump a Colorful Map to Explain Their US Investments:   Knowing his inability to understand complicated trade issues, Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe presented President Trump with a colorful map at this year’s Group of 20 summit in Osaka, Japan, designed to simplify Japan’s US investments - so that even someone with Trump’s limited attention span should be able to comprehend. I get it, Prime Minister Abe asked aids “can we dumb this thing down bit, so that even Donald Trump will be able to understand it?”  I mean, it’s pretty sad when a President of the United States needs information presented in a colorful, kindergarten-level picture book format - just to understand what the hell everyone's talking about.   Even so, an obviously confused-looking Donald Trump glanced at the map and complained that Japan could have at least printed the name of the country they were viewing as the United States.  Otherwise, how the hell is he supposed t...

Half-Ton Birds Were Roaming Europe When Humans Arrived:   Scientists report that giant, flightless birds, so large that they actually dwarfed modern ostriches and weighed-in at nearly half a ton, were roaming Europe at the same time the first archaic humans arrived in the area from Africa.   Look, I’m obviously no paleontologist, but if I’m understanding this article correctly - they’re basically explaining to us that just as we once had some banks that became “too big to fail,” Europe had itself a bunch of half-ton birds who became “too fat to fly?” OK, so the birds were a little on the chunky size.  We get that.  Not to sound critical of our scientific community, but just what the hell is point of “fat-shaming” a bunch of extinct, half ton, flightless birds at this stage of the game?  Especially, when they’re no longer here to defend themselves.  Besides, maybe they were just “big-boned?”  You big-shot paleontologists ever think about t...

Harvard’s Robotic Insects Finally Take Flight:   Researchers at Harvard University say they have designed and built a new, breakthrough type of solar-powered robotic insect that is capable of true, untethered flight.   Good grief, I’ve been fighting insect infestations every summer for years and years, and now you tell me their designing mechanical ones?  I mean, just what I need - a solar-powered fly to land in my soup! Kind of makes you wonder, what the hell’s next - robotic rodent infestations?  Then, I suppose, we’ll all need to purchase a bunch of specially-designed robotic cats to try and catch the damn things.  For crying out loud - please make it all stop! https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Evangelical Group to Spend $50M on Get-Out-the-Vote Efforts:   Veteran conservative activist Ralph Reed said the faith-based Faith & Freedom Coalition he leads, plans to spend at least $50 million on “get-out-the-vote” efforts during the 2020 presidential election. I suppose my first question would be, what type of faith has 50 million bucks - to donate to politics?  Especially, when everyone knows most of that money will go directly to help some guy who’s already rich - get reelected?  Guess the Lord is still working in mysterious ways - eh?   Now, of course, all those bleeding heart liberals are gonna complain that Christians ought to be spending their parishioners contributions to help people like the poor, the destitute and homeless veterans.  Now let’s get real people!  Who, in their right mind, is gonna give that kinda dough to the poor?  Haha - now that’s a good one!   I mean, do the poor have mounting bills for upkeep o...

UK Health Group Says Too Much Cleanliness Not Bad for Health:   According to The Royal Society for Public Health, the notion that too much cleanliness can be bad for your health and that children need to be exposed to germs is a “dangerous myth.”  Oh hell!  And to think I’ve been keeping my house a total mess all this time - you know, just to strengthen my defenses.  https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Mars Rover Snaps Pic With Mystery Lights Way in the Background:   The internet is abuzz with conspiracy theories after a picture, snapped by NASA’s Mars Curiosity Rover, shows a very mysterious looking light way off in the distance.  Personally, I think it’s just the headlights from a commuter, who decided to take a detour off that damn 405 freeway here in LA.  Hell, traffic’s been so messed up on that freeway, I don’t blame them for taking an alternative route - even if it is a bit out of the way.  I mean, who the hell wants to deal with a...

Jim Bakker Warns Followers Christians Will Be Killed if Trump Loses:   Jim Bakker recently shocked his followers on his TV show by proclaiming “I’m going to say something I probably shouldn’t say,” and then warned that if Donald Trump isn’t re-elected in 2020 - Christians are going to be murdered. Good grief, after hearing a statement like that, I think his flock maybe ought to think twice about buying any more of those huge $450 buckets of dehydrated “survival food” Bakker sells on his show.  Especially, if Trump loses the White House in 2020.  I mean, can anyone say Grape Kool-Aid?  Frankly, I think it would be amusing if it turns out this so-called “rapture” these grifters have been promising for the past 2000 years already happened, and all these intolerant, conservative fundamentalist Christians who support and follow swindlers like Jim Bakker - simply didn't make the cut. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com