You've Got to Be Kidding?

Trump Suggests the FBI Involved in Stealing the Election:  In an interview with Fox News host Maria Bartiromo, President Trump repeated his usual false narrative about voter fraud, suggesting that dead voters, the FBI and even his own Department of Justice - may have all been “involved” in stealing the election from him. Gee, so Trump’s claiming he lost the election because millions of dead people voted?  Holy Cow!  That must mean Trump is one of those rare beings who can say “I see dead voters!”  Why, to think those savvy QAnon folks tried to warn us about dead voters months ago - and no one would listen.  Guess we were dead wrong.  Anyway, needless to say, I was rather shocked to hear that dead people were committing voter fraud, so I rang up a friend of mine who I knew had volunteered as a poll worker, and she assured me that about the closest thing she’d ever seen to dead people voting, were the braindead zombies in the red MAGA hats voting for Trump...

Owner of Brooklyn Mob-Linked Pizza Shop Fatally Shot:   Police report that the co-owner of a famed mob-linked Brooklyn pizza joint - once at the epicenter of a mob war over the theft of a pizza sauce recipe - has been gunned down by a man in his 30’s wearing a hoodie, in what is believed to have been a mob hit. Wow, they killed a guy over a pizza sauce recipe?  Now, that must have been some real “killer sauce.”  Oh well, I guess another one bites the crust.  And the poor victim was shot by some Mafia hitman wearing a hoodie?  Call me old-fashioned, but I still prefer hitmen who wear dark Armani suits. Now, I’m certainly no detective, but my guess this all happened because the pizza joint was doing so well, and some other mob family wanted a pizza the action.  Anyway, one thing’s for sure - the Mafia sure seems to have an entirely different definition of “take out service” - than the rest of us do. Johnny Robish Comedy

Trump Says He is Mentally Unable to Concede - But Will Leave WH:  When asked by reporters on Thursday, President Trump said he would leave the White House Jan. 20th, if the Electoral College declares Joe Biden the winner, but he also indicated he was not at all prepared to concede defeat. Wow, now that’s what I call one helluva a strange concession speech.  But even so, by simply making that statement, a lot of folks will now begin to think of President Trump as just a “lame duck.” Now, to be completely honest - I generally tend to see him as more of a “dumb f**k,” than a “lame duck,” but that’s just me. Anyway, let us hope that all this chaos happening around the election results won’t further delay him from finally releasing all those long-awaited tax returns of his, or announcing all the juicy details of that “fantastic” healthcare plan he’s been promising us for the past four years? Anyway, it now appears that about the only question remaining to be answered i...

Survey Finds Startling Amount of Americans Going Hungry:  According to Census Bureau survey data collected in late October and early November, 1 in 8 Americans and 1 in 6 adults in households with children, reported they sometimes or often didn’t have enough food to eat in the past week, with nearly 26 million Americans saying they frequently go hungry. Gee, so many hungry people, and right here in America?  Now, in response - Republicans suggest folks just pull themselves up by their bootstraps, and if that doesn’t work - then perhaps try eating those bootstraps.  After all, bootstraps are known to be quite high in soluble fiber.  Meanwhile, a confused Ivanka Trump asked her father “Daddy, why would anyone be hungry in America?  Have they run out of cake?” Now, I can remember way back in the day, when kids were told to “Finish your dinner, there are people starving in China, who’d love to eat your dinner.”  Now, thanks to President Trump and his “Make A...

Thai Surgeons Remove 915 Coins Swallowed by Sea Turtle:  Veterinarians in Bangkok have operated on a 25-year-old, female green sea turtle, to remove 915 coins weighing over 11 pounds, coins fed to the turtle by tourists who believed that pitching coins at the turtle - would give them good luck. Well, I do have to admit, I’m a bit shocked by all of this.  I mean, who knew turtles had money problems also?  To be honest, I’d also like to throw in my two cents worth here too, but I suppose that’s the last thing this poor turtle needs at this stage of the game.   Now, when you think about it, what these damn “luck-seeking” tourists have done, is basically turn this poor, helpless turtle, into kind of a floating vending machine.  Meanwhile, after the turtle left surgery, doctors continued to monitor, just to see if they could see any “change” in the patient.  Anyway, I have to report that sadly, this story doesn’t have a very happy ending.  Turns out, t...

Giuliani Fires Conspiracy Theorist Powell After Insane Press Conference:   President Donald J. Trump’s personal attorney Rudy Giuliani has confirmed that Sidney Powell is no longer a member of the Trump legal team.   Sidney Powell is the lawyer, who basically claimed at Trump’s last legal team press conference, that Georgia’s Republican Gov. Brian Kemp conspired with the CIA to accept a bribe from deceased Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez (who died back in 2013), to throw the Georgia election for the Democrats and Joe Biden. Wow, sounds like bat shit and crazy - have just decided to go their own separate ways.  Now, if my math is correct, she only lasted about half a Scaramucci.  I’ll tell you one thing, when you’re considered too far out there for Rudy and his Total Landscaping team, that’s a very special kind of crazy.   Her downfall came, when she promised to expose an election scandal of “biblical proportions,” but when the time came, she couldn’t produ...

Controversy Brews Over Proposed Trump Presidential Library:   President Trump has reportedly spent very little time thinking about his post-presidential life, including considering details for his Presidential Library - given that close aids say privately, that the President is still in deep denial that he could actually lose the election, even at this late stage of the game. Gee, that kind of makes me wonder, just what the hell would you put in a library, dedicated to a man who doesn’t even read?  Well, come to think of it, I suppose it wouldn’t be all that difficult to come up with a few special treats for all of Trump’s loyal, semi-literate followers.  As we learned from this past election, it really doesn’t take a whole, helluva lot to impress these folks.   Hell, I’ve even got a few ideas myself.  Let’s start with a couple of old Playboy Magazines, throw in a collection of the President’s best insults and staff dismissals from his Twitter feed, a copy of...