You've Got to Be Kidding?

Communities Preparing for the Threat of Violence Around Election Day:   With news of the Biden/Harris campaign bus being forced off the road by an angry caravan of Trump supporters in Texas, and President Trump eagerly instructing his private army of militia goons to “monitor” the opposition party’s election polling places, communities across America as well as the National Guard, are preparing for the possibility of violent confrontations on election day November 3rd.     Seriously?  Militia group “election monitors?”  Well, my question is, just exactly what is it these half-wit militia thugs are expecting to “monitor” anyway?  I mean, unless they’ve somehow acquired x-ray vision, how the hell could they possibly determine the validity of someone’s sealed ballot?  Oh wait, maybe that’s done by race? Anyway, you do have to kind of admire their determination though.  After all, these gracious folks have agreed to interrupt their very important ...

Man Kills Waitress Who Asked Him to Extinguish His Cigarette:  A Mississippi man is under arrest after police say he gunned down a Waffle House waitress who had simply asked him to put out his cigarette while he was inside the restaurant.   Police are describing the incident as an open-and-shut case, adding that they’ve already recovered the “smoking” gun.  Meanwhile, an NRA spokesperson reminded reporters that “guns are not the problem here - waffles are.”  Health officials countered that this is just another example of how cigarettes can kill.   Back at the restaurant, some local hunters were also chiming-in, and while not fully condoning the shooter’s behavior, they did point out that actions such as these are occasionally necessary in small, rural communities - in order to keep the local waitress population in check.   An NRA spokesman then told the crowd that the obvious solution was to immediately arm all Waffle House waitresses throughout the st...

Trump Administration Moves to End Protections for Iconic Gray Wolf:   CNN is reporting that the Trump administration moved Thursday to remove all “endangered species protections” for the gray wolf, paving the way for the iconic predator to be more widely hunted, even though they remain “functionally extinct” in the vast majority of their former range. OK, we get it - votes are more important than endangered species.  After all, gray wolves don’t vote!  Although, I do have to admit, it’s sometimes rather difficult to distinguish between a group of Trump supporters - and a pack of hungry wolves.  I guess the difference being, wolves are capable of showing compassion. Now, one thing’s for sure, with Trump, Don Jr, and all his NRA pals, running around hunting down the all the gray wolves in their fancy, air-conditioned Range Rovers, expect sales of Combe’s new hair color - Just for Wolves - to go right through the roof.   That said, these sleazeballs had bett...

Kushner Told Woodward Trump is the Getting Country Back from the Doctors:   In his new book, journalist Bob Woodward says White House senior adviser Jared Kushner told him last April that President Trump’s response to the coronavirus pandemic had progressed to the point where the President is now finally "getting the country back from the doctors . ” Oh, I get it now.  What Kushner’s basically telling us is, the virus isn’t the problem - the doctors are!  Now, I hate to admit it, but Jared really does make a point which could prove quite useful for our nation’s Trump supporters - especially after Trump’s new Supreme Court strikes down that evil Obamacare.   Now, here’s the plan.  If you’re in the Trump cult, the next time you go to the doctor, and they try and to give you one of those damn “medical diagnoses,” just tell ‘em they don’t know what the hell they’re talking about - then, go ask your preacher why you’re coughing up blood and having trouble breat...

White House Science Office Claiming Trump Ended COVID-19 Pandemic:  The White House’s Office of Science and Technology Policy lists "ending the COVID-19 pandemic" as the top accomplishment of President Trump’s first term, even as the U.S. continues to set records for new daily infections and numerous hospitals across the country are stretched to their breaking points. Oh, what a relief!  Did ya hear that America?  The pandemic’s over - so you can stop dying now!  Gee, I’ll bet those 83,000 folks who were just diagnosed today, will definitely be surprised to hear this.   Of course, the truth is - Donald Trump didn’t really stop the pandemic at all.  What he actually did was - he stopped doing anything about the pandemic.  And, while I’m sure that nuance will confuse Trump supporters, there is a difference. That said, kind of makes you wonder just who the hell is running the White House Science Office anyway - Ivanka or Eric?  One thing’s for...

Corporations Doling Out Millions to Executives Before Filing Chapter 11:  New data indicate that since the pandemic struck last March, at least 18 large corporations, including Hertz, Neiman Marcus and J.C. Penney, awarded their executives with six- and seven-figure bonus payouts, totaling more than $135 million, just prior to asking bankruptcy courts to shield them from creditors during restructuring, then collectively claimed to be more than $79 billion in debt and began firing thousands of employees. So, apparently “looting” turns out to be perfectly acceptable to Republicans after all.  That is, just as long as it’s executives who are doing the looting and not poor people.  And, it’s all part of the 2020 Republican campaign’s "Executive Lives Matter” initiative. Now, the way I see it, there’s a lesson to be learned in all this for our young people - and that lesson is “if you fail, and fail often, and fail badly enough, you just might be CEO material for some la...

NC Townsfolk Fear Solar Farm Might Suck Up All the Sun’s Light:  Angry residents of the North Carolina town of Woodland, have voted in a town council meeting to kill a proposed solar farm project in their area, out of fear that the solar panels would suck up all of the sun’s energy - thereby killing-off all local plant life, by preventing photosynthesis. Wow, disaster narrowly averted!  Thank goodness the citizens of this community were able to put their 3rd grade educations to good use and fight back against these damnable, sun-sucking, solar panels!  Shortly after the council’s vote, jubilant Woodland citizens were then treated to a celebratory concert, featuring dueling banjos at the local chapter of the Flat Earth Society, just down the road. And, while most townsfolk seemed happy with the vote, others expressed grave concerns about other hidden dangers, such as “shadows" and "Daylight Saving Time,” which could also pose a treat to photosynthesis - adding it migh...