You've Got to Be Kidding?

At a recent campaign event, Oklahoma Republican Party Chairman and GOP candidate for U.S. Congress John Bennett, who posted a photo of his family holding automatic weapons and compared vaccine mandates to wearing the Star of David, delighted his audience by calling for Dr. Anthony Fauci to be tried and put "in front of a firing squad.” Now, I’m certainly no Biblical scholar, but I’m fairly certain the quote about making “public health officials face firing squads” comes directly from the New Republican Bible , which replaced the older, obsolete King James version .  That particular passage can be found in the Book of Q, verses 24:36:22:Hike - and was spoken by “Thorazine Jesus” to his many disciples.  Of course, some may ask “what exactly has Dr. Fauci done to warrant facing a firing squad?”  Frankly, it doesn’t really matter, if killing Fauci makes Republicans feel better about themselves.  That said, I do get what GOP Chairman Bennett is saying.  Fauci tr...

It has recently come to light that during an October 2021 deposition in a lawsuit against his company by protesters roughed up by his security team at a Cedar Rapids campaign rally, Donald Trump was asked about encouraging his audience and security personnel to “knock the crap” out of any protesters who might try to pelt him with “tomatoes and fruit.”   Trump then went into a bizarre rant about how extremely dangerous thrown fruits are, claiming “tomatoes are bad” and “some fruit is a lot worse.” Wow, this makes me believe Trump actually thinks “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes” was a documentary.  Who knew fruit posed such a danger to our cherished political leaders?  Now, Teddy Roosevelt was shot by a bullet during a rally, yet he still managed to finish his speech.  All I can say is, thank goodness he wasn't hit with a tomato.  Why, that might have changed the entire course of history.  We need to take action now, before Trump’s motorcade gets attacked i...

Much to the delight of MAGA conservatives and QAnon advocates everywhere, Twitter announced that Elon Musk has agreed to acquire the company for $44 billion, giving the world’s richest person command of a highly influential social media site that serves as a platform for political leaders, a sounding board for experts across industries, and an information hub for millions of everyday users.   Musk claims this is what is needed in order to “save free speech and democracy.” Absolutely!  Why, I can’t think of a better way to preserve free speech and democracy, than having an obscenely rich, narcissistic, American oligarch, stand watch over an endless deluge of unchecked misinformation, conspiracy theories, propaganda, and outright lies - all being fed to the masses through one of the world’s most prominent social media platforms.  Ladies and gentlemen behold - the next Donald Trump. Interestingly, Musk seems convinced it doesn’t really matter if someone inside a crowded t...

Politico has just published leaked photos of family values, LGBTQ-hating, White Christian Nationalist, US Congressman Madison Cawthorn (R-NC) at a party - wearing a black lace  brassiere , large sterling silver hoop earrings, and a silver necklace he held seductively between his teeth.   His right hand appears to be circling his nipple in an attempt to appear alluring.   Cawthorn   claims the pics are just a big “nothing burger,” taken at a party on a “vacation cruise.” Oh, I get it!  Things like cross-dressing are just fine if you’re totally wasted on some cruise ship, but “real life” gay and transgender people are “an affront to decency and to God?”  Gee whiz, who knew Evangelical White Christian Nationalists were totally cool with folks cross-dressing at drug-laden sex parties while they’re on vacation?  I guess I must have missed that lesson in bible study class.  Now, me suspects it’s a case of “ye who doth protest too much.”   That’s...

The New York Times is reporting that conspiracy theorist and InfoWars founder Alex Jones has reached out to the Department of Justice, offering to cooperate with prosecutors investigating the January 6th domestic terrorist attack on the Capitol.   His cooperation would be in exchange for an immunity deal that would allow him to avoid being criminally prosecuted in exchange for telling federal prosecutors what he knows about the planning of the events that culminated in the January 6th riots. Gee, kind of looking forward to hearing what explanation Jones is gonna give all his paranoid InfoWars fans about why he’s flipping and cooperating with that “Deep State” he’s been warning us forever.  Perhaps something like “Sasquatch made me do it” might work?  Of course, I suppose it really doesn’t matter what excuse he uses.  I mean, it isn’t like his listeners have a serious relationship with reality anyway. Nevertheless, in a letter that lawyers for Jones delivered to ...

Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga) went on "The Jenna Ellis Show" to express her concerns about being videoed live during her court appearance in a lawsuit brought by her constituents.   This, after a federal judge ruled a group of Georgia voters can proceed with their legal effort to disqualify her from running for reelection due to her alleged role in the Jan. 6th attack on the U.S. Capitol by a pro-Trump mob.   Greene told Ellis that if a court proceedings video is allowed to go out live, “You know what that's going to look like, once the Democrats and the nasty Mainstream Media get ahold of my testimony.” So, now let me get this straight.  A woman who is obsessed with being in front of the camera, is now afraid of appearing on camera?  Hmmmm, now me thinks Rep. Greene’s fears aren’t really about the media at all, but about testifying in court.  Why, it’s almost as if she doesn’t want the general public to hear the answers she gives when she’s “unde...

According to a figure cited by the “Fresh Produce Association of the Americas,” Texas Governor Greg Abbott caused an estimated $240 million worth of produce to rot when he mandated additional state inspections after the federal inspections of all trucks and commercial vehicles crossing into Texas from Mexico.   This resulted in huge backups and waits of almost 30 hours - before he finally reversed the policy after receiving widespread criticism.   Abbott claimed the move was to ensure the trucks were not smuggling in illegal aliens, but critics say the move was simply a racist political stunt, and his actions will cause large price spikes for strawberries, avocados, and asparagus in the Northeast and Midwest as early as this weekend.   Goodness - strawberries, avocados, and asparagus - oh my!  But hey - at least Gov. Abbott is "owning the libs,” and if you’re part of the half-witted MAGA Trump base, that's all that really matters.  Besides, who cares about ...

In support of a bill currently going through the Tennessee state senate, Republican state senator Frank Niceley wants folks to know people can work their way out of homelessness, explaining that "I want to give you a little lesson on homelessness.   In nineteen and ten, Hitler decided to live on the streets for a while.   So, for two years, Hitler lived on the streets and practiced his oratory, his body language, and how to connect with citizens - and then went on to lead a life that got him into history books.   So, a lot of these people, it's not a dead end. They can come out of these homeless camps and have a productive life.” Like it or not, Sen. Niceley does make a good point.  If you ever find yourself homeless, rather than try and immediately find a job or some sort of housing, the first move you should consider making - is invading Poland.  Because it’s important for people to know that if you just pull yourself up by your bootstraps, you too can go fro...

Former President Donald Trump has apparently found yet another way to fleece his flock out of their money - he’s selling autographed photos of himself “allegedly” making a hole-in-one while playing golf last month.   His pitch reads “Friend, many people are asking, and yes, it's true.   While playing golf with some of the greatest golfers in our country, I made a hole-in-one.   Friend, I just released one of my favorite photos of me golfing and I want YOU to have it.   I even SIGNED it for you.   Contribute $75 or more TODAY to claim your Trump Golf Photo, signed by your favorite President.” Of course, one might ask, why would a “billionaire" be hawking photos of himself?  Not to mention, who would actually pay $75 for a pic of a morbidly obese man in disheveled clothes, standing in the weeds, lying about making a “hole-in-one?”  Well, the answer is - any bonafide, Trump-loving MAGA sycophant would be darn proud to have that pic adorning the walls of ...

With Trump pundit Roger Stone sitting directly behind him, Tennessee Pastor and self-styled prophet Greg Locke, told an audience at his Global Vision Bible Church this week that he had authorized the use of guns against “members of the media” who played "Democrat games,” by trying to attend his church services.   Pastor Locke is one of the most out-spoken propagators of QAnon lore, calling Joe Biden a "sex-trafficking, demon-possessed mongrel,” who is part of a secret cabal that operates child-trafficking tunnels beneath the White House. Gee, so Pastor Locke actually believes Joe Biden is operating child-trafficking tunnels beneath the White House?  I wonder if that means the good Pastor won’t be sending any of his kids to the annual Easter Egg Hunt on the White House lawn this year?  Which, I suppose is really no surprise, given this white supremacist background.  Why, he probably harbors the same dislike for “colored eggs,” that he does for “ people of color. ...

A video of an Ohio woman at a recent Trump Michigan rally claiming Space Force will soon overturn the 2020 election has gone viral, but QAnon supporters have actually been promoting this conspiracy for more than a year now.   They believe Donald Trump’s “Space Force” watermarked all the ballots and used satellites to monitor the election to capture proof of election fraud in real-time.”   Trump supporters also claim Space Force soon plans to unveil 269,000 sealed indictments, which will result in Biden, Obama, and Hillary going to jail for treason, and Trump being restored to power. Geez, is it just me, or do these folks all appear to have “multiple screws loose,” and no one seems to have brought the right kind of screw drivers to tighten them all back up?  Frankly, I’m totally blown away by their prediction that Space Force will soon unveil 269,000 sealed indictments.  Not so much because it’s totally bonkers and completely absurd, but because any number larger tha...

Last month, when Sen. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN) went fishing for a “gotcha” question to ask Ketanji Brown Jackson at her Supreme Court confirmation hearings, she really thought she’d found one when Jackson declined her request to define “what is a woman,” by replying she was “not a biologist.”   This set the stage for tons of mockery from Republicans.   Marjorie Taylor Greene offered a Biblical explanation with “This is an easy answer. We’re a creation of God. We came from Adam’s rib. God created us with his hands. We may be the weaker sex — we are the weaker sex, but we are our partner - we are our husband’s wife.”   Then, Rep. Madison Cawthorn (R-N.C.) proclaimed “Science isn’t Burger King; you can’t just ‘have it your way.’   Take notes, Madame Speaker.   I’m about to define what a woman is for you.   X chromosomes, no tallywhacker.   It’s so simple.”   Finally, Sen. Josh Hawley (R-Mo.) chimed in that a woman was “Someone who can give birth to a...

In Defense of House Cats:  So, a friend dropped by my place the other day to say hello, and immediately starts playing with my long-haired cat Smokey.   Shortly thereafter, he discovers he has a mouth full of fur.   Well, I hated to do it, but I looked him right in the eye and told him what any cat owner would say.   I told him "Keep, my cat's fur - out your fucking mouth!"   Always Think Before You Speak: I have to admit I recently did something I’m not very proud of having done.  I was having coffee with an old friend outdoors at Peet’s Coffee in Santa Monica the other day.  We had a rather pleasant conversation and as he was leaving, like an idiot, I said to him “see you later alligator!”  I said this even while knowing in my heart, that this person - was really not an alligator. Have you ever heard someone say “I won’t dignify that with a response?”  Well, I happen to be the guy who will. I’m So Tired of Zombie and Vampire Films:...

US Representative and QAnon conspiracy theorist Lauren Boebert (R-Co) stirred up quite a bit of controversy when she posted to Twitter “We require people to be 21 to purchase alcohol beverages, and 21 to purchase tobacco products,” therefore Americans should have to be at least 21-years-old before they can come out as LGBTQ, adding - especially as transgender. Says the person who married a guy convicted of exposing himself to minors!  I guess Boebert is of the belief that “sex education belongs in the bowling alley, NOT assigned in the classroom!”  I mean, seriously - if age were really an indicator of reaching sexual maturity, would that 24-year-old boyfriend you eventually married have exposed his penis to you and your underage girlfriends at a bowling alley?  Asking for a friend.  Funny thing about Republicans and “sexual maturity,” because a bill now making its way through the Republican Tennessee state legislature would establish a common-law marriage betwe...

The Global Vision Bible Church, headed by White Christian Nationalist and rabid Trump supporter Pastor Greg Locke, boasts millions of followers and has gained national attention through its book-burning, using neo-fascist “Proud Boys” members as security guards, defying mask mandates, labeling the coronavirus as a “fake pandemic,” preaching election fraud, and urging followers to attack those whom Pastor Locke considers “demonic spirits” - people with mental disabilities, “objectionable” cultural or political beliefs, and folks with a “sinful” sexual orientation.   That said, his radical views, including bragging about attending the January 6th insurrection, along with the large and frequently rowdy crowds he attracts to his services, have divided not only the community, but also families within the town of Mount Juliet, Tennessee, a mostly white community of 39,000 just east of Nashville. So, we have Pastor Greg Locke, with millions of followers and drawing over a thousand peopl...