You've Got to Be Kidding?

CPAC’s Golden Trump Statue Was Actually Made In Mexico:   It’s being reported by Politico, that the controversial golden statue of Donald Trump currently on display at CPAC, is for sale for $100,000, and was actually made in Mexico by an American ex-pat living in Rosarita Beach on a permanent resident visa. So, it was made in Mexico, was it?  Now, isn’t that ironic?  Gee. wonder how it ever managed to get over “Trump’s border wall?”  One thing’s for sure, Mexico sure didn’t send us their best this time.  Hell, I’ll take the UK's “Baby Trump balloon” any day.  And the guy’s asking $100 grand for it?  Wonder if he’ll take a check?   Anyway, forgetting all that, my question is, just what the hell is it?  Some sort of a dystopian piñata?  If so, I'm afraid to ask what the hell’s inside it - especially when you consider Trump’s dietary habits.  On the other hand, maybe it’s completely harmless and just a cooler to store all Trump’s...

GOP Congressman Labels Transgender People an Insult to God:  In a fiery speech during a House debate on the passage of the Equality Act , Rep. Greg Steube (R-FL) read from Deuteronomy 22:5 that "A woman must not wear men's clothing nor a man wear women's clothing, for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this” - adding that "When men or women claim to be able to choose their own sexual identity, they're making a statement that God did not know what he was doing when he created them.” Well, in answer to Rep. Steube, I have no idea whether or not God knew what he was doing when he created men and women.  All I know is, God sure must have been pretty damn “distracted” by the time he got around to creating Republicans, and He obviously didn't have a clue - when he created you!   Of course, I’m sure Rep. Steube, like most Trump-loving Republicans, will claim that he’s a “strict constitutionalist.”  Well, goodie, goodie for him, but the last time I checked,...

North Dakota Republicans Pass Bill to Make Mask Mandates Illegal:   Claiming "our state is not a prison camp,” the Republican-dominated North Dakota House of Representatives has moved to ban implementing face mask mandates, regardless of how severe future pandemics may get. Gee whiz, "our state is not a prison camp?”  All I can say is…really?  Because, I was thinking North Dakota would make the perfect location for a prison camp, especially for folks like Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Stephen Miller, and their merry band of “January 6th insurrectionists.”  Of course, I’m sure there will always be some folks who’ll wonder “just who in the hell would wanna live in North Dakota anyway?”  Well, I believe the answer to that is - a lot of folks were simply drawn to the area because of the state motto, which is "North Dakota, Land of Lunatics!   Now, if you don’t believe me, just wait till these Republican politicians get around to passing their next “freedom-...

Mass Shooting at Louisiana Gun Shop Leaves Three Dead and Two Wounded:   Three people were killed and two others seriously wounded, in a mass shooting at the Jefferson Gun Outlet on Saturday, just outside of New Orleans.   The incident reportedly began after a gun store clerk simply asked a customer to not walk around with an unholstered loaded gun, until he was in the store’s designated firing range area.   This upset the customer, so he opened fire. Well, aside from all that, it sounds like a simply wonderful place to shop!  Now, I wasn’t there, but my guess is that the argument was probably over which one of them gets to be called - “the good guy with the gun.”  Oops, guess that honor will now have to be awarded posthumously.  Just another “unavoidable necessary sacrifice” our society must make, so our country can continue to live “free.” That’s right, just another proud patriot, who believes that his right to do absolutely anything he frigg’n well pl...

Ron DeSantis Orders Florida’s Flags Lowered to Honor Rush Limbaugh:   Florida’s Republican Governor Ron DeSantis on Friday announced he will order flags across the state to be lowered, to honor controversial talk show host and Trump’s Medal of Freedom honoree Rush Limbaugh - whom DeSantis described as an “absolute legend.” Wow, that’s quite the honor!  Having all of Florida’s dittoheads, lowering their Confederate and Nazi flags to half-mast - all in your honor?  And, they won’t really need to “lower” them all that far, because when you’re honoring a weasel like Rush, you’ve already gone about as low as you can possibly go anyway. Of course, some folks are always gonna argue that “Florida is much better than this.”  Well, the simple answer is - “no it’s not!”  In fact, Florida is the kind of place where many of us were surprised that Governor DeSantis didn’t order flags at half-staff - when Jeffrey Epstein died. Besides, I think I’ve got a much better ide...

Pat Robertson Warns Viewers a New Ice Age is Coming:   In response to the massive winter storm that wreaked havoc in Texas and surrounding states, evangelical leader Pat Robertson told his flock not to worry about “global warming, because a new “Ice Age” is upon us and “we need to make sure we have enough nuclear power, gas, and coal - to keep us warm when it really gets cold.” Now, I’m not so sure he’s correct about another Ice Age, but the truth is, the weather in that area has been nearly as cold as Pat’s cold, cold heart - that’s for sure.  That said, the argument could be made that Pat Roberson is living proof, that what we’re really going through, is not an “Ice Age,” but actually an “Ass Age.”  That means that currently, about 45% of the nation, appears to be completely covered in assholes. And, while Pat can be rather annoying at times, I do have to admit it’s quite entertaining listening to a “dinosaur” warning everyone - about a coming ice age.  Hell, as...

Kroger Closing More Stores to Avoid Paying Workers Hazard Pay:   Grocery giant Kroger, announced it plans to close more stores, this time in the Seattle area, after the city passed a $4-an-hour hazard pay mandate for grocery workers, drawing sharp rebukes from local officials and worker advocates, who point to the company’s record operating profits of more than $2.9 billion through the third quarter of 2020, while taking in an extra $1.2 billion in earnings compared to a year earlier during this deadly pandemic.  Why, I tell ya, these essential workers really have some nerve!  I mean, you’d think that these folks would be content with the occasional celebrity TV commercial singing their praises, or some colorful billboard saluting their efforts - but NO!   I mean, do they actually believe that by putting their lives at risk by providing us with the necessities needed to maintain our daily lives in the middle of a deadly pandemic - that that entitles them to ask ...

Texas Republicans Beg Biden for Help Weeks After Endorsing Secession Bill:   In response to a huge winter storm that hit Texas this past weekend, causing traffic accidents and power outages, Texas Governor Greg Abbott and Republican lawmakers immediately ran to the Biden Administration, begging for “federal aid.”   This, just weeks after those very same Texas Republicans endorsed “The Texas Session Bill,” declaring that they no longer wish to be part of the United States. Wow, a massive snowstorm hit Texas?  Is it just me, or has hell - actually frozen over?  And gee whiz, I thought all red states are supposed to HATE federal “handouts.”  I guess that only applies when that federal aid has been designated to help people in blue states.  Anyone remember Hurricane Sandy?  Thus proving, once again, that everything is indeed bigger in Texas - especially hypocrisy!   Of course, I get where they’re coming from.  After all, about the last thi...

Rand Paul Calls Senators Who Wear Masks Science Deniers:   During a recent appearance on Full Court Press with host Greta Van Susteren, Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) defended his refusal to wear a face mask on the Senate floor, by calling other senators "science deniers,” then declaring that “he wants to be a leader” because there is no evidence whatsoever that wearing a mask protects one from getting the coronavirus. OK, Senator Paul, we get that you want to be a leader -  but, the big question is, a leader of what ?  Hell, when I was a kid, I wanted to be a pirate, but the only pirate ships I could afford, came out of cereal boxes, and they were so small, that the only body of water they could safely float around in, was my bathtub.  But, that’s not really important now. Anyway, Sen. Paul justifies his anti-mask position by claiming that ”almost everybody who got infected, said they were wearing a mask all the time.”  Excellent point senator!  And, I’d also...

Missionaries Telling Villagers COVID Vaccines Will Turn Them into Alligators:  The Guardian reports that on the São Francisco reservation in the state of Amazonas, angry villagers sent healthcare workers packing with bows and arrows when they tried to visit by helicopter to vaccinate people against the deadly coronavirus.  Soon after, it was learned that the missionaries had been there spreading lies about how the vaccine will “turn people into alligators” as well as other untrue conspiracy theories. So, if I’m understanding this correctly, these missionaries were essentially trying to turn these villagers into an Amazonian chapter of Donald Trump’s QAnon supporters?  Why, next thing you know, they’ll be running from village to village, complaining about how “the Amazon jungle is totally rigged!”   That said, I’m honestly rather surprised that these missionaries missed their big chance to also tell the villagers that those alligators this vaccine is gonna turn t...

Dave Ramsey Claims People Who Need Relief Checks Have Mental Health Problems:  Conservative Christian financial news analyst Dave Ramsey told Fox News host Bill Hemmer that folks who actually need those $1400 COVID relief checks have "mental problems” if such a tiny sum of money can impact their lives.   He then added that giving those people $1400, is about as effective as “peeing into a forest fire.” Wait a minute!  Why the snide crack about “peeing into forest fires?”  I mean, I thought all Republicans love their “trickle-down” economics?  Now, I don’t know a whole lot about forest fires, but I do know quite a few people who have copious amounts of “pee,” which they’d be more than happy to send Dave’s way.   But, I get it - Dave feels there is no such thing as real poverty in America, just lots of mentally ill folks, who’ve made bad decisions.  Wonder if that means all those big corporations who snagged millions in government COVID bailouts - are...

Trump Lawyer Schoen Threatens America With Civil War:  In a fiery speech, arguing that impeachment would disenfranchise Donald Trump’s supporters, defense lawyer David Schoen is being harshly criticized for his thinly veiled threat - warning that impeaching the former president could very well result in even more violence from Donald Trump’s easily enraged base. So, if I understand Schoen’s argument correctly, it sounds as if he’s implying that “if you bring Trump to trial, then that angry, violent mob who attacked the Capitol, wanting to hang Vice President Pence and kill various members of Congress, might get really, really mad again - and there will be reprisals.”   You know, we’re talking stuff like ”Nice country you have here - be a damn shame if something were to happen to it!”  In other words, Schoen’s trying to incite violence, in defense of a man who’s facing trial - over inciting violence.  They don’t teach you that in law school.   Now, is it jus...

Pat Robertson Calls COVID Relief Bill a Socialist Plot to Destroy America:   On his 700 Club program, Pat Robertson is now claiming that American families don’t really need any financial help from the government and that President Biden's 1.9 trillion COVID relief bill is all part of an effort to turn our country into a socialist nation and to bankrupt America. Gee, is it just me, or do poor old Pat’s grifting skills seem to be slipping a bit?  I mean, hasn’t it even occurred to him that once his loyal flock receives their COVID Relief checks, they can relieve themselves of all that “sinful” government money - simply by sending it his way?  That said, I can’t think of anything more enjoyable for people struggling to make ends meet through no fault of their own, than getting “trickle - down economics” lessons from a “Multi-Millionaire Grifter for Jesus” - who pays no taxes whatsoever.  Now, to be completely honest, I was rather surprised to learn that Pat Robe...

Biden Claims Trump Too Erratic to Receive Intelligence Briefings:   In an interview with CBS Evening News, President Biden indicated that he feels former President Donald Trump should not be given access to those classified information briefings usually given ex-presidents, given Trump’s “erratic behavior” and the risk that he might recklessly reveal sensitive information. So, what’s the big deal anyway?  I mean, why bother wasting "intelligence" on someone who basically has none?  Hey, I got an idea.  Why, if I were Biden, in lieu of “intelligence briefings,” I’d switch them out with “stupidity briefings” instead.  Hell, he’d never know the difference - as long as the briefings had lots of colorful pictures in them.   Besides, Trump wi ll always have plenty of nice folks like Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, and the MyPillow guy - to tell him most everything he wants to hear.  Why, he don’t need no stink’n “intelligence briefings!”  Hell, Rudy Giu...

House Votes to Strip Marjorie Taylor Greene of Her Committee Assignments:  The House voted largely along party lines (230 to 199, with only 11 Republicans voting with Democrats), to strip Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene of her two committee assignments.   Greene is a Georgia Republican, who frequently used social media to espouse violence against prominent Democratic politicians - including AOC, Barack Obama, and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. It kind of makes you wonder just what kind of workplace would allow such a deranged individual like her, to violently threaten the lives of fellow colleagues, and still get to work there?  Well, the answer is - one where only 11 Republicans out of 212 thought her making death threats to colleagues was a problem. Of course, Marjorie Taylor Greene would never actually attempt to shoot any of her congressional colleagues herself.  That would simply be crazy.  The idea is - if you use enough inflammatory rhetoric, you’ll inspire s...

Pastor Claims Biden White House Being Run By the Devil:   Conservative evangelical Pastor, anti-gay exorcist, and former Colorado state legislator Gordon Klingenschmitt, a man who once described transgender people as evildoers who are "full of the devil,"  is now claiming that Democrats inside the White House are full of the “Devil’s will.”   Klingenschmitt added that Joe Biden is now promoting little boys going into little girls’ locker rooms - which is precisely why God wanted Donald Trump to be reelected. Now, what I don’t understand is, why doesn’t God ever seem to speak out on important issues like this for Himself, rather than always relying on folks who are showing clear signs of mental illness to do it for Him? Then I remembered, God is an extremely busy deity, what with running the whole universe and all, so He doesn’t really have all that much extra time needed to harass the Earth’s LGBTQ community.  So, that’s why he deputized Donald Trump, the evangeli...

Jeff Bezos Stepping Down as Amazon’s CEO:   Amazon announced Tuesday that founder and CEO Jeff Bezos will be stepping down from the top spot in the company and transitioning into the role of “Executive Chair” of the company's board. Now, wait a minute!  I just purchased the new “Executive Chair” from Amazon Prime only yesterday.  I wonder if that means that Jeff Bezos is gonna show up at my doorstep in just two business days?  Why, I’ll have to instruct my Alexa door lock to let him in. Funny, I was thinking Bezos probably stepped down to “spend more time with his family,” but then I remembered - hell, he dumped them all for former LA TV News anchor Lauren Sánchez, over a year ago.  Of course, it’s well known how much Bezos hates unions, so maybe he just got divorced because he realized “marriage is a union.” Anyway, one thing’s for certain, he sure didn’t leave over a salary dispute.   Now, for all of you who are deeply concerned over ...