You've Got to Be Kidding?

In a recent fiery sermon, Global Vision Bible Church Pastor Greg Locke warned viewers and parishioners that there are secret, child sex trafficking tunnels underneath the White House, which are full of young children - some living, and some dead.   Pastor Locke then claimed that “Joe Biden is a sex trafficking, demon-possessed mongrel, who's no better than the Pope, Oprah Winfrey, or Tom Hanks,” adding that God will also “expose Kamala Harris for the Jezebel demon she is - when he finally brings this whole house down.” Gee whiz, so Joe Biden’s only been in office less than 6 months, and he’s already built a massive underground network of child sex trafficking tunnels under the White House?  Wow, that was indeed some really fast work.  Say what you want about all this, but you have to admit those Democrats really know how to get those infrastructure projects built fast. Anyway, is it just me, or do an inordinate amount of these Trump-loving televangelist’s paranoid fant...

The Ultra right-wing One America News network recently aired a political commentary by Pearson Sharp this past week which was so far out there, that even conservative Fox News host Howard Kurtz had to call “foul.”   In his editorial rant, Sharp called for the mass executions of tens of thousands of American poll workers - based on the claim that widespread voter fraud in the 2020 election amounted to a “coup” against former President Donald Trump.   Sharp further reminded viewers that “In the past, America had a very good solution for dealing with such traitors - Execution!” Gee whiz, now when Fox News suddenly becomes the voice of reason, I think we’re all in really deep do-do.  Of course, if one were to read between the lines, what Fox News is really saying to OAN is “Hey, what the hell are you guys trying to pull over there, anyway?  Pushing lies and hate is our job - and this, is bordering on “trademark infringement.  Why, talk like that is totally unacce...

Scientists have just announced that a massive fossilized skull found in China - considered to be at least 140,000 years old - is a “new species” of ancient human which they are labeling as “Dragon Man.” Researchers say this finding could potentially change prevailing views of how and even where Homo Sapiens evolved. OK fine, but that still doesn’t explain anything about those roughly 74 million Trump voters from the past election.  Paleoanthropologists admit they still don’t have a clue as to what species these knuckle-draggers may belong.  I mean, one of them even showed up at the Capitol last Jan 6th - wearing animal hides and horns on his head.  Now, if I understand everything correctly, this means “Trumpers” not only existed prior to 2015, but may also date as far back as 140,000 years ago.  I’ll tell ya, these scientists definitely have their work cut out for them - if they wanna try and identify these freaks.  Meanwhile, researchers report that whil...

After labeling educational institutions as “intellectually repressive environments,” Gov. Ron DeSantis signed legislation requiring students, faculty and staff at Florida's public universities and colleges to register their political views with the state, as a way to encourage what they claim is "intellectual diversity.”   The measure, which goes into effect July 1st, also allows for funding to be cut to colleges and universities found to be "indoctrinating" students. Gee, who knew they’d elected Kim Jong-un governor of Florida?  All I can say is, so much for Republicans pretending they’re opposed to the “thought police.”  Frankly, I’m not sure why they’re so worried about “indoctrination” in the classroom anyway.  Hell, no card-carrying Trump supporter is gonna wanna waste their time going to college .  Not when they already know everything anyway!  And, even if they didn’t - what the hell do you suppose Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson are there for? ...

Televangelist Jim Bakker appears to be back to his old, familiar hustle again, this time asking followers to “save his PTL Ministry from the grip of the devil,” by purchasing an “Official PTL Blanket and Mug Combo” - all for the low, low price, of just $500.   Bakker assured viewers that with this simple purchase, “we will be able to beat the devil back into Hell, where he belongs.” Wow, and what a bargain that is!  I mean, it isn’t everyday that for only $500, you can demonstrate to everyone that you’re actually dumb enough to fall for any scam some shyster tries to pull on you.  And, as one might expect, shipping and handling are not included.  Gee, wonder if you can purchase an extended warranty with that?  Now, the irony is, these blankets and mugs are probably infinitely more edible than all those buckets of survivalist “food” he’s been selling for the upcoming “apocalypse” for the past few years. And, while we’re on the subject, let’s not forget the po...

New Book Details Trump’s Plan to Send People Stricken with COVID to Gitmo:  A new book by two Washington Post reporters, claims that former President Donald Trump, eager to suppress coronavirus numbers on US soil which he felt made him look bad politically, suggested sending COVID-positive Americans to Guantánamo Bay.   The former President reportedly startled aides when he asked "Don't we have an island we own?   What about Guantánamo?” Now, for those of you who pretend to be soooo concerned about his plan, it’s important to remember it could have been a helluva lot worse.  Why, Trump could have tried to send these poor souls off to Cleveland, knowing full well that a good many Cleveland residents actually ask to be sent to Gitmo each year.  By the way, didn’t Donald Trump actually have COVID-19?  So, why the hell didn’t we send him to GITMO - or Cleveland?  Must have been an oversight. Meanwhile, a lot of people are quick to point out that the O...

Italygate Election Fraud Conspiracy Tied to Mystery Woman:   Documents show that late last December, White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows emailed acting US Attorney General Jeffrey Rosen a letter detailing how people working for an Italian defense contractor, in coordination with senior CIA officials, used Italian military satellites to switch votes from Trump to Joe Biden and swing the result of the US 2020 election.   Turns out, that letter was printed under the letterheads of the USAerospace Partners and the Institute for Good Governance , two organizations led by a former Republican congressional candidate who claimed to be someone who could negotiate peace between Somali warlords and pirates, and who has since changed her name to Michele Roosevelt Edwards.   The same Ms Edwards who sat for an interview with Icelandic television the day after the 2020 elections, inside a huge $30 million mansion which she claimed was hers - but wasn’t. Now, you guys can laugh if ...

Airlines Denying Plans to Force Flyers to Weigh-In Before Boarding:  After the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) put out an advisory circular two years ago that set the date of June 12, 2021, for airlines to have “weight and balance programs accurately reflect current passenger weights,” a New York Post story suggested that “airlines could soon start weighing passengers before allowing them to board an aircraft.” Geez, if that isn’t enough to promote train travel, I don’t know what will?  I mean, what the hell?  Did they think airport check-ins were going too fast, so they decided to add a little more “weight time” to the experience?  As far as I can tell, the only positive thing about any of this is - at least they’re not forcing anyone they deem “too large” to ride in the baggage compartment!  All I can say is, if airlines do decide to go through with these forced weigh-ins, one can only hope they show a little compassion and weigh us in using “kilogram...

Humpback Whale Swallows Lobster Diver Whole - Then Spits Him Back Out:  Cape Cod lobster diver Michael Packard is very lucky to be alive.   He was on his second plunge into the ocean off the coast of Cape Cod, when all of a sudden everything went dark.   At first, he thought he was being swallowed by a great white, but then realized he was actually in the mouth of a humpback whale.   His partner Josiah Mayo watched the entire spectacle from their lobster boat, as the massive whale resurfaced to spit Packard back out into the water.   Wow, all I can say is - it’s a damn good thing that whale isn’t into swallowing “seamen.”  Not to mention, his partner Josiah Mayo is pretty damn lucky too.  Sounds like when the whale ordered lunch, he must have told them to “hold the Mayo.”  I’ve read that humpback whales don’t eat humans, so my guess is that the whale must have mistaken Packard for some sort of a lobster roll. Now, I may not know much about ...

Lara Trump Says Americans Should Take Up Arms Against Immigrants:   Lara Trump is sparking some serious controversy after appearing on Judge Jeanine Pirro’s Fox News show this past Saturday, suggesting that Americans living along the southern border had “better arm up and get guns and be ready, and maybe they will have to take matters into their own hands.” Now, say what you want, but I have to admit Lara has a point there.  After all, we all know those desperate immigrant men, women, and children, trying to escape violence and poverty in their own countries and seeking a better life - are all armed to the teeth and looking for blood.  And the January 6th insurrectionists?  All tourists, out on delightful family picnics.   So, we have another day, another Trump - trying to incite more violence and insurrection.  Now, my suggestion is, if Lara is really all that concerned about our border, perhaps she ought to leave her gated compound and head right down ...

Seat to Fly Into Space with Jeff Bezos Auctions Off for $28 Million:   A seat to fly next to Jeff Bezos and his brother in Blue Origin’s very first human spaceflight, has been auctioned off to an unidentified bidder for $28 million.   Blue Origin will fly its “New Shepard” space capsule to an altitude of nearly 65 miles, where passengers can then unbuckle from their seats and experience about four minutes of weightlessness during their eleven-minute suborbital flight. Wow, $28 million for an eleven-minute suborbital flight?  Gee, I wonder if that’s for economy or business class seats?  Why, Jeff Bezos has really put together one helluva “billionaire carnival ride” if you ask me.  And, how comforting for average Americans living paycheck to paycheck, to realize that our tax-dodging billionaires will now - not only be looking down on them from the balconies of their fancy penthouses, but also from outer space!   Truth is, these modern-day robber barons are...

Texas Republican Gohmert Asks if the Forest Service Can Change Earth’s Orbit:   During a recent House Natural Resources Committee hearing, Texas Republican congressman Louie Gohmert asked National Forest Service associate deputy chief Jennifer Eberlien, if it was possible for the Forest Service to alter the orbits of the moon or the Earth, as a way of combating climate change. Interesting question indeed!  Sounds like Gohmert must have been channeling his “inner Marjorie Taylor Greene” on that one.  The fact is, the Forest Service has been way too busy raking all the forest floors in California - to devote any time to altering the orbits of the Earth and moon.  Besides, shouldn’t that be a job for the Space Force?  And, while Rep. Gohmert’s question may sound “astronomically” stupid to some, I’m told it can actually be accomplished with the right tools and strategy.  That, of course - would include obtaining one of Donald Trump’s magical sharpie pens,...

Jeff Bezos and Brother to Be Aboard First Blue Origin Spaceflight:   CNN reports that Jeff Bezos, his brother, along with the winner of a month-long auction, will be flying into space on the first crewed flight of the “New Shepard,” the rocket ship made by his space company Blue Origin .   The flight is scheduled for July 20th, just 15 days after he is set to step down as CEO of Amazon. Wow!  Now, that’s got to be just about the best “mid-life crisis bucket list adventure” ever!  I hope he’s not depending on Alexa for directions.  I guess it was either head up to space, or take the damn yacht down to Barbados yet another time.  And, to show what a regular guy he is - Bezos says he’ll be flying coach on this flight.  That said, I’d be more than happy to hold onto his wallet until he gets back - should he need someone for the job. Of course, the truth be known, Bezos’ Blue Origin doesn’t really go high enough or fast enough to actually orbit in spac...

Jerry Falwell Jr. Asks Court to Dismiss Liberty University's $10 Million Lawsuit Against Him:   The Daily Mail is reporting that Jerry Falwell Jr asked a Virginia court to dismiss a $10 million lawsuit filed against him by Liberty University, over his scandalous departure as leader of the conservative evangelical school his father founded, Falwell claiming he had no duty to tell the university about his private matters.   These accusations included excessive drinking, as well as numerous liaisons between his wife and a “young pool boy” named Giancarlo Granda, in which Falwell Jr. often participated as a voyeur. Wow, now that’s one of the best Bible stories ever!  I guess folks don’t call it “the Good Book” for nothing.   So apparently, Jerry Jr.'s wife and the young pool boy were role-playing “Adam and Eve,” as the creepy serpent looked on.  And, while she didn’t actually give the pool boy an apple, she did reportedly give him a Mac laptop - as a token of thei...

Michael Flynn’s Brother Assumes Command of the US Army in the Pacific:  According to the Stars and Stripes , the younger brother of disgraced former Trump National Security Adviser Michael Flynn - who recently called for a military coup at a QAnon conference to overthrow President Biden - is now assuming command of U.S. Army in the Pacific.   Lt. Gen. Charles Flynn took a lot of criticism earlier this year, because he was in on the decision not to allow the National Guard to help police while they were being overrun by the rioters in the Capitol on Jan. 6th. OK, so let’s see here - former Trump National Security Advisor Michael Flynn called for a military coup to overthrow the US government at a QAnon conference, and now his brother has been promoted to Commanding General for the US Army in the Pacific?  Gee, who knew that another Flynn brother was the only other choice we had? Now, in my humble opinion, if we absolutely have to promote Gen. Charles Flynn to somethin...

United Airlines to Buy 15 Ultrafast Airplanes from Start-Up Boom Supersonic:   Its been 18 years since the Concorde supersonic airliner flights were discontinued, but United Airlines is placing a multibillion dollar bet on the return of luxury and business travel by purchasing 15 planes from Denver-based “Boom Supersonic,” jets which the company claims could cut flying time between New York and London to only three-and-a-half hours. Wow, now that’s an awesome achievement!  From this point on, we’ll now be able to spread COVID-19 and other contagions around the globe - in just a little over 3 hours.  That said, I think we can all agree it’s about time someone finally came up with another viable transportation option for the one percenters.  After all, billionaires have been in desperate need of a way to make quickie jaunts over to Paris and back for their lunch dates.  Why, just think about what this means for the future of air travel.  With the help of f...

Trump Ends New Blog After Only 29 Days Due to Dismal Readership Numbers:   Former President Donald Trump’s blog, celebrated by advisers and followers as a “beacon of freedom” that would keep him relevant in an online world he once dominated, has now bit the dust after just   29 days due to meager participation Gee, you mean his new blog is gone already?  Why, I didn’t even get much of a chance to take a look at it.  I’m sure it was very insightful.  After all, most of us remember how well his words were able to “incite” folks on January 6th.  Wonder what his blog was called anyway - “Tweets, Turds, and Lies - Direct from the Golden Crapper?”  I mean, “a Beacon of Freedom?”  Hell, m ore like “The Bacon of Dumb?”   Anyway, I think the lesson to be learned here is that when you start a blog, it’s probably a good idea to first confirm that your followers can actually read.  I mean, his devoted army of half-wits are only there to serve a...

World’s Largest Meat Supplier Hit By Massive Cyberattack:  Work has stopped at several U.S. meat processing plants after JBS, the world's largest meat producer, was hit with a major cyberattack which forced it to cease cattle-slaughtering operations at 13 of its meat processing plants in the U.S. on Tuesday.   This incident came just three weeks after the Colonial Pipeline hack disrupted fuel operations in the U.S. Wow, kinda makes you wonder, just who in the hell would wanna attack a meatpacking plant?  Could it have been hamburglars?  Now, cybersecurity experts are claiming it was the Russians, but why would they go after a meat supplier?  I mean, is it possible that Vladimir Putin and the Russians have gone vegan, and this is their way of promoting living a much healthier lifestyle for our planet?    Frankly, this really boggles the mind.  I mean, meat plants really use computers?  Who knew?  Then perhaps it’s time to spend a few o...